Disappointed. Opinions?

I just went out with my best friend to get slurpees from the store, and brought a cigarette for Michael because he hasn’t come out to smoke for a while. I warned her that he would come out and I’d be gone, and she said okay. But when he came out and started smoking, she immediately told him to go away, to bring me back, and to get out of my body because it wasn’t his. She started hitting him and told him to hit her back. He’s the violent alter and I asked him not to hurt her, and he was trying really hard, and she made it so much worse for him and was laughing. Then she made fun of him for being in a girl’s body, and started asking him questions. When he said he didn’t know what his favorite movie was, she said perfectly normally; “That’s because you’re not a real person. You don’t have a real life. You’re not real." Then she told him that I didn’t want any of them around and someday I’d just be me and all of them would be dead. I could tell Michael was extremely pissed off, and frankly, so was I. I felt really betrayed. She’s always been extremely close with me and I thought that I could trust her with this, but I’m really hurt. I can’t believe that she did this. Michael refuses to come out around her again, and he told me not to tell anyone else, that he was fine with just acting like me if this is what would happen if we were honest. I told her that what she said was hurtful, and she briefly apologized but seemed really annoyed.

Was this a reasonable thing for her to do? Am I just overreacting?

You are definitely not overreacting. That was honestly sickening for me to read. I'm sorry, but this person does not sound like a friend. Does she know that you know this? Has she told you why on earth she would be so incredibly disrespectful to you and Michael?

She knows I know; I tried to talk to her about it after with her, but she just apologized briefly and got annoyed. Thank you for saying I'm not overreacting; that actually makes me feel a lot better. I think she thinks that it would help me somehow, that it would make the alters go away. I don't know how I made her think that, but I feel terrible...

I am so sorry she made you feel like this. I just want to give you a hug

She clearly doesn't understand anything about DID. Maybe you could try educating her, so she can understand why what she did affected you like that. Rude acts are often born out of ignorance.

If you want to stay friends with her, I really think she would benefit from learning more about DID.

LastStatement wrote:I am so sorry she made you feel like this. I just want to give you a hug

She clearly doesn't understand anything about DID. Maybe you could try educating her, so she can understand why what she did affected you like that. Rude acts are often born out of ignorance.

If you want to stay friends with her, I really think she would benefit from learning more about DID.

Thank you so much for caring. I'm almost in tears because you want to give me a hug.

Maybe... I don't know, she's seem United States of Tara, so she thinks she's an expert. Anything I tell her now will be useless to her because she "already knows everything".

Yeah... I don't know. I'm going inpatient again at a psychiatric institution nearby soon, and when I'm there, the alters and I are going to have to make some decisions about this. I really wish she hadn't done this...

I know we've never actually talked before, but I really do want you to feel ok. If you ever want to talk, vent, or whatever, my inbox will always be open for you. I'm a great listener

I've been around those kind of people before. They can be kind of toxic. I hope you will be OK there. And let us know when you are back so we know you're safe!

I know it can be hard to let a friend go, but I think it's worth it to think about whether or not she's a good fit for you. If she's damaging to you or your alters health, perhaps it would be best to distance yourself from her? It doesn't have to be permanent. Maybe just until you feel better? And Michael can feel OK again, as well. I'm sure Michael felt really upset about what happened. But this is not yours, or his fault. This is all on that girl. You and your alters all deserve to be in that body. If she can't accept ALL of you, then how can she really be your friend?

LastStatement wrote:I know we've never actually talked before, but I really do want you to feel ok. If you ever want to talk, vent, or whatever, my inbox will always be open for you. I'm a great listener

Thank you. I might take you up on that offer soon. c:

LastStatement wrote:I've been around those kind of people before. They can be kind of toxic. I hope you will be OK there. And let us know when you are back so we know you're safe!

I will! I don't know when I'm going in yet, as I haven't had the meeting with my back-up therapist. It might be a hard place to get into, but I hope not. For once I know what I really need, and this is it. Most of the alters agree, too, and no one is against it.

LastStatement wrote:I know it can be hard to let a friend go, but I think it's worth it to think about whether or not she's a good fit for you. If she's damaging to you or your alters health, perhaps it would be best to distance yourself from her? It doesn't have to be permanent. Maybe just until you feel better? And Michael can feel OK again, as well. I'm sure Michael felt really upset about what happened. But this is not yours, or his fault. This is all on that girl. You and your alters all deserve to be in that body. If she can't accept ALL of you, then how can she really be your friend?

You're right. It's just hard, because she's the best fit for me in every other way. But ever since I told her about our DID, she's been different...especially when I talk about them, which is very rarely. I think she blames them for my instability, which is why she's acting like this. She doesn't know enough to realize that what's wrong with me isn't wrong with them, and has nothing to do with them. I'm worried about them like I worry about my family, but that doesn't mean that they're causing my own mental issues. I'm going to try to talk to her about that soon, and I hope that clears things up. I feel terrible that Michael went through this; he's really upset about it, and it's just another thing for him to hold inside until he breaks again. Thank you so much for everything you've said; you have no idea how much this helps. I needed someone to tell me that we didn't do anything wrong, because I always jump to the conclusion that I did, that I messed it up. Thank you, really.

ForHearts wrote: Thank you. I might take you up on that offer soon. c:

I'll always be here I do not always appear online, but I am pretty much always lurking again.

ForHearts wrote:I will! I don't know when I'm going in yet, as I haven't had the meeting with my back-up therapist. It might be a hard place to get into, but I hope not. For once I know what I really need, and this is it. Most of the alters agree, too, and no one is against it.

I totally understand what you mean. I think it's really great that you know what is best for you right now. That can be a hard thing to admit, you've done a great job! I felt the exact same thing a couple months ago. Every day for weeks I was thwarting suicidal idealization and attempts. I still have not figured out who it is, but I was so desperate for help I was considering doing something really bad to at least get myself arrested or something, just so somebody could keep me safe. But in my situation, I was not able to get myself anywhere. So I had to do it on my own, and it really weakened me in every way. So I am very hopeful that this works out for you.

ForHearts wrote:You're right. It's just hard, because she's the best fit for me in every other way. But ever since I told her about our DID, she's been different...especially when I talk about them, which is very rarely. I think she blames them for my instability, which is why she's acting like this. She doesn't know enough to realize that what's wrong with me isn't wrong with them, and has nothing to do with them. I'm worried about them like I worry about my family, but that doesn't mean that they're causing my own mental issues. I'm going to try to talk to her about that soon, and I hope that clears things up. I feel terrible that Michael went through this; he's really upset about it, and it's just another thing for him to hold inside until he breaks again. Thank you so much for everything you've said; you have no idea how much this helps. I needed someone to tell me that we didn't do anything wrong, because I always jump to the conclusion that I did, that I messed it up. Thank you, really.

Oh, I see. Maybe she's having a hard time dealing with it? When you say she's blaming them for your instability, if I break that down, it sounds to me like she actually really cares for you. She probably hates seeing you in an unstable state.

She definitely needs to be talked to. Make sure it's a time when you or her don't have anything going on, so nobody feels rushed. Hopefully she has an understanding heart.

I could tell straight away that you did nothing wrong. I can also already tell how kind you are.

Holy crap, I am enraged reading this. Wow, someone in here (or several) is absolutely disgusted. She is NOT your friend. She didn't bully and hit someone else, she did it to YOU. Those parts are YOU. She doesn't deserve your friendship and frankly acting like that to anyone at all is downright vile. There's no excuse for it. Respect yourself because she clearly doesn't and stay away from her.

Agree with LastStatement. I didn't think you did anything wrong. You have no blame at all for what happened. Your friend acted in a terrible way (I was pretty pissed off while reading, and I know I wasn't the only one).

Now, I took a minutes to calm down, and yeah, probably she doesn't understand completely what it is, how what she has done, can (and did) affect you as well.

Anyway, you should talk about it more, not necessarily right now, because I think you could feel uneasy with all these situation... But at least you could give her some links about DID, so she can educate herself and then you could talk more easily about what she did, how that was wrong, and how she could be really supportive to you instead of repeating such thing as that.

Hope you could feel better soon -offers hug-. Maybe I'm new at this forum, but I'm willing to help in any way I can. :3