destructive alter?

been having some bad arguments. pretty tired and low. there was a bad screaming match earlier involving someone trying to tell the GF to go away and leave forever though i'm not really sure why now, i know i feel like i keep on hurting her because i'm pretty non-functional a lot of the time and she is finding it really difficult, and i don't want to keep upsetting her.

we had to go do some shopping this afternoon; in the store i kept having these overwhelming urges to break things, which is new. sometimes in arguments i go into a blurry rage state and punch walls, don't really know how to combat it because my emotions overload and i lose control. this was different though; it felt like a child wanting to act out, but i haven't felt this before from the child-states. it was very hard to stop it, i had to pin my hands in my pockets and i did end up crushing something.

any suggestions on how to deal with it?

Yes...this alter deserves to be validated. Get a bunch of recyclable plastic bottles and cans, and if you have a safe place like a garage or somewhere where no one will get hurt and smash the daylights out of them. Stomp and crush cans. Whip the plastic ones as far as you can. I'd say smash some glass too, but you might hurt someone or get some in your tires...you get the picture. I guess if you live in an apartment, this might not work. Is there a lake nearby? Whipping some rocks as far as you can might help too.

Anger is a normal emotion. Let it out so it won't poison your insides. Often we push away the ones that mean the most. I hope the GF can relate to that and let you have some space.

I've been following your posts for some time skin, and I empathize.

Safety plans need to be put in place. You and the GF need to know that you're both going to be safe in moments of trigger. I can not highlight this enough, safety is key in those moments.

If you have no safety plan, and you and the GF do not know how to come up with one, then you need to talk someone who can start to develop plans with you and give you new tools in your toolbox when dealing with these situations.

By bottling everything in you are only hurting yourself and your GF.

I know how things are right now, and I'm sending you a lot of positive thoughts and hope things level out for you. My PM is always waiting to chat

One quick P.S. skin,

Remember, Alters are not there to hurt, they are there to protect. While it may seem to you that they are outwardly doing damage (be it physical or emotional), in their minds they are doing what they have done for as long as they have been around...Protect. It's their role. Some of them Protect by hurting other Alters (or pushing away at a physical threat, such as a GF, who can pose a threat to the system for a TON of unknown reasons, right now only they now), as a way to keep them in line....it's not a perfect system, but it's served it's purpose for this long.

So, one thing you can try to ask yourself (or better yet, ask THEM!) during a quiet moment "what are we acting out against?"

I know it sounds general, but sometimes, just sometimes...someone just has something that needs to be heard.

Thanks for sharing, and listening.

We take prazosin for niva (and ninchen) to reduce the feelings of urgency (it does not block emotions, only the physical manifestations of it). Validation is also huge, understanding why they're so upset...

Some great suggestions, thank you. Haven't had a chance to find some old cans or bottles yet - we don't drink any pop so I'll have to run that past the GF and see if we can think of anything. I think the safety plan is important yeah...just recieved two DID books in the mail that I ordered after reading through the book recommendations here. They have some much needed advice for sure.

Sorry for the slow replies, I keep attempting to post and getting blocked. Got a few threads I mean to respond to, I keep struggling to remain coherent. I'm trying to let the kid out without battling it where I can because I don't know when and where they will emerge, so I figure if I allow them space then it might reduce them coming out at inappropriate times. There's a large part of me that hates acting that way and feels embarrassed and stupid when communicating in a childlike manner especially because during those times I am very fuzzy and can't think properly. It makes me feel like my intellect has been tossed in a blender, and I have been at times an arrogant prick about my intelligence, hah. I have felt like because I haven't been able to achieve much in life due to my circumstances and mental health, the only thing I had was that I've got a brain. I get pretty freaked out about losing that, even if ultimately it isn't what really matters. Recently I feel really dumb and it's pretty upsetting.