my story.

Well, my story begins in childhood. when i was a kid, I heard voices and saw things. I have always been schizophrenic. when i went to school i saw things on the walls, Numbers. Well one night when i was 5 years old I had hallucinations to the point i couldnt tell where i was. it happened four different times. i woke up in the middle of the night, and i was in a shopping center, or so i thought. walked around with my parents, and they talked to me. Next time i woke up i was at the bottom of the ocean, which went hand in hand with my most common hallucinations. i saw sea creatures swimming around my room at night. I also saw neon people and lights and all sorts of things, dinosaurs, which was very scary, especially the raptors. I watched jurassic park when i was a kid, but i was seeing these before i watched it. But back to the hallucination, If you have ever seen footage from ww1 i found myself there as well. the worst part was i saw dead bodies from a war all around me, and gas filled the trenches. I believe it may have come from where i watched the history channel when i was little, and saw footage of ww1, but i was awake. I know because i was moving around and was in full control of my body, and it wasnt like a dream. Then i find myself in hell, and then heaven, and then in a cave. i actually wandered to the kitchen door of my house during the hallucination, unlocked the door, and then went outside. my parents were quick to see me because they heard me while i was up. All they remember me saying was i can't see you, because i couldnt tell where they were because i couldnt see them in my hallucination the last time. When i started going to school is when my hallucinations took a different turn. when i went to school, i started to see numbers on the walls that went down in increments of 1. Next i started becoming more paranoid. I was very mature for my age when i was younger, and was diagnosed with adhd when i was young. But i didnt tell anyone about the hallucinations because i thought they were normal and didnt think anything of them, my mom and dad didnt suspect anything either. they didnt know why i couldnt see them that night, they thought i was dreaming. But i became a christian at 12 years old. so In 8th grade, my symptoms really start to show themselves. I start to become more paranoid, and my dad said he suspected it when i talk to him today at this point. 8th grade year was my worst year in terms of Bullying and also at the time my mental illness. I started to hear voices telling me people were trying to hurt me and poison me and all of those types of voices. they told me to kill myself as well. the year went by and my grandfather died. at that point my paranoia became really severe. years pass by until i am 16. then i start seeing demons and hearing demons and also start hearing very weird things. My hallucinations at this point take a more horrific turn. I start hearing voices telling me to do things, and they begin to command me to do things and start commenting on my day to day life at this point. And i thought all of this was real, and my parents started suspecting it at this point, but i still don't go to the doctor. Next year, things get really bad for me. 2011, my senior year of high school. I start having horrible mood swings and still hear voices. i think my mom is plotting to kill me at this point. Also i begin to self injure. I go to a psychologist, and she diagnoses me as rapid cycling Bipolar. She didnt know i was hearing voices too though. she refers me to a psychiatrist, who i see now, and i told him how i heard voices and saw things and was thinking people were trying to kill me and everything and what i see, and he diagnosed me as Paranoid Schizophrenic. But he also tells me i am Bipolar as well. so i finally get diagnosed, and they put me on medication. I was overjoyed at this point because i was suspecting i was schizophrenic at this point.The first medication they put me on was Depakote. I end up going to the mental hospital also after my 18th birthday. I was manic at the time and was really happy the entire time i was in the hospital, The depakote brings me off my manic episode, i was full blown manic, and when it does, i feel a lot better. the doctor prescribes me risperdal, and it had bad side effects on me, so i went on zyprexa. i was out of the hospital in a week. While the zyprexa worked well, never really did take a medicine that didnt work, it made me gain 100 pounds in 2 weeks. I went from 176, to 276 pounds in 2 weeks. the psychiatrist tells me to start working out and puts me on a exercise regimen, and then he prescribes me geodon, and that is the best medication ive ever been put on. It makes me feel better really rapidly with very few side effects, actually none at all. After exercising i've finally gotten my weight back down to 208 lbs. i am 20 years old now, and have battled mental illness all my life, but now i am much better. i've been without symptoms for 10 months, and now my doctor thinks i can come off the meds, with his supervision in two months. so now i am feeling much better. I'm proof anyone can recover if they have the right medicine and therapy. Oh, and i had one other alter, but i integrated with him.