Retirement *trigger*

What do you guys do when confronted with a leaving therapist? I feel awful right now. I was just at the verge of being ready to open up to her but she's forced to leave real soon now. I feel like all the bad things are happening all at once. I wish I could just disappear from life.

The therapist I worked with the longest had to retire suddenly for health reasons. We had one session to say goodbye. We both cried. I was dismayed to perceive how attached she was to me. I gave her a hug. I grieved. She died. I attended the memorial service and grieved some more. I found another therapist to work with, and went on with my life.

We feel like we're dying inside. This was not supposed to happen. I don't know how to say goodbye, I don't know how to forget her. I don't know if I still have it in me to risk getting into this situation again, with another new therapist, wasting again so much time trying to just be there, and for what? To be hurt like this? This is really devastating. I will miss her so much. Until I wont remember her anymore eventually which also really really sucks. Everyone is crushed. We can't go 15 minutes without breaking down in tears. I know unhealthy attachment but I didn't even know that it was this bad.

I am on my 4th T in three years. The first one was good, and we did a lot of work, but none of my DX's came in until after she retired.

I went through a really tough time when she left, we were together for 18 months and she was my first T. It was hell watching her leave.

The next 2 were different stories, one I dumped after the third session, she had NO clue what she was doing and was a challenge for me to 'educate'

Number three was great, he first suggested DID to me after hearing some tales. I formed a strong bond with him quickly, then 3 months later 'sorry, I'm moving'.

That one was tough as I was fresh into DID, thought my life was over and I was crazy as hell.

BUT, he set me up with my current T who has a background in DID and all sorts of great therapies. We've been together....hell, I don't know...2 years in spring of 2014. I see him at least 2 times a month for 2 hour sessions....and they are harrowing, challenging, troubling, triggering and necessary.

How did I deal with all that upheaval? Well, I have a great partner who is the best 'rock' I've ever found. But, I think with DID, we all have strength that not everyone possesses. We have seen and been through so much that, despite the pain, we carry forward.

I'm not sure what to say, it's hard, it's painful. When you find someone new who really helps it makes the pain more bearable at times.

We could talk about safety and trust until the cows come home here, we all know that trust is the number one trait we look for in anyone else, (whether we accept it or not). I think we need to learn to trust ourselves as much as our partners or T's, in that trust we find the strength to keep tackling these challenges.

I'm hoping things work out for you, there are lots of people here who feel the same and have gone through the same, hope we give you a little peace.

We don't any of us get to pick and choose our feelings, except by dissociating. And as you now know, dissociating just means some part of you suffers while some other part maintains the illusion of no suffering. The net result is no less suffering.

We either feel all feelings, or we don't feel much of anything at all. Right now you are facing a tremendous loss and feeling grief. Grieving is a process. Let it come, and it will pass.

There are self-help books about grief.

I have been fortunate and stayed with one T. I feel for you as you struggle with this separation. I think that you do have to let yourself grieve. And I am sure that your alters will grieve and struggle in different ways. Sitting with you as you struggle with this.

You are totally breaking my heart! How sad for you. You must trust this therapist a lot. Can she recommend someone that SHE really trusts? Maybe that would help and there would still be a connection with her through the new therapist.

Thanks for your replies and support everyone.
We've had some bad therapists in the past too. That's why I was so glad to have her. She's also the one that diagnosed me. In my area there's only one mental health facility and people with dissociative disorders are advised never to go there. I was really lucky to have found such a good t in that facility. I'm scared that maybe she's the only really good one there. I don't have money for a private t so all I can do is hope for the best.
Asking for someone that she really trusts is a good idea. She asked me to think about what I want from the new t, to help her find out who to choose. Whether it should be a male or female, what their expertise should be, etc. I don't have any idea. I only want them to be capable in whatever expertise they have, they should understand DID, and I need to have this click with them. And they shouldn't disappear on me. She had a really cool name that my littles really liked, and a really pleasant voice, she liked music and animals, she was calm and nice, this is more important to me than having specific abilities.
I don't understand the grieving process. When I ask people how this works with them they say, "it just happens" so that's not helping much. We rapid switch a lot when under stress. I don't know if this is 'grieving'. So we start crying a lot and then it's gone again, and we start crying again etc, and we don't have much control over this. So I am sad cause I had to cancel my favorite activity today because of all the switching. I have a lot of stressful happenings coming up and I thought I would be able to handle them as long as I still had her. Now the process of saying goodbye happens simultaneously with the other stressful things which is not great.. To some of us it's just proof that they were right not to trust her. But most were starting to really trust her none the less.
My kitties are a great help to me. I didn't expect that, but it's nice. I don't have many friends but the ones I do have are a good help too.

TheCollective wrote: We rapid switch a lot when under stress. I don't know if this is 'grieving'. So we start crying a lot and then it's gone again, and we start crying again etc, and we don't have much control over this. So I am sad cause I had to cancel my favorite activity today because of all the switching.

We rapid switch too when highly triggered, and often-times it gets almost violent. Tremors and shakes. We have discovered when Archemedes comes out it is a very traumatic experience for him, it is hard for him to do it. I don't know if this can be attributed to grieving, or if it is a more common than we think trait in DID. We too, will cry, then stop, then cry, then stop....that is usually Little crying and then Guardian taking over to help Little through the emotions. I hope this helps a bit.

Well I think rapid switching is a (for us very common) way to deal with pain or stress. We do it all the time, basically daily, we don't have a host who is in control most of the time. We grew up rapid switching due to a ahum, very dynamic situation, and it just kinda stayed that way.
But I don't think it's necessarily grieving. If anything I think the constantly switching back to non emotional states interrupts this grieving that the younger ones are doing. But if we would (be able to) let them we wouldn't do anything but cry.
There's 5 younger ones, <2- to 12- YO's and one adult who are heartbroken and/or re-traumatized about this, and 5 protectors who are really angry/disappointed/mean/hopeless. We're now supposed to start all over with this new t if we even like them, even though it took nearly 2 years to achieve the smallest bit of progress/safety/trust with our current t.
Other than this, I received undeniable knowledge of our official diagnosis finally which is still difficult for some- even though others in our system initially self-diagnosed. My mom keeps wanting to restore contact with me. My dad keeps being angry with me for not doing so and is abandoning me again because of this. I have a disability re-assessment coming up in 2 days, and recently lost another valued person in my life. So we're doing great. Today is a good day, we didn't wake up crying, haven't cried since, and I may even actually be up to some of our tasks today.. I keep feeling them inside, pushing the pain, hearing them cry, but honestly I don't know what to do about it. I'm not going to lie and say it will be alright cause I don't know that it will. If it were up to me I didn't have DID and I wouldn't be in therapy, and I sure as heck wouldn't be going back anymore now. But I lost the vote, we're going back..
And I guess I know I need it, cause damn I can't even imagine how we used to be able to do all the stuff we did before the DID hell broke loose. There was a time we cleaned 2 complete houses in one day. I can't even do my own house in a full week now. We're a mess.

Thanks for listening.
J&E