being blocked

I want to speak and try to release some pain but I cant type what I want to say. Like I'm being prevented?
I'll try again tomorrow maybe.

pain comes with silence, and silence with pain. the pain likes silence because it feeds on it. the pain makes you hide in silence, and the silence causes more pain.

why are we always paralyzed and silenced? i want to run away and scream

Fear and shame and dissociation are powerful things. I think you made the first step here by acknowledging what you are able to. Do you know more about the fear/shame that is stopping you? It is likely another alter's fear.. (I am of course only talking about myself, because I can relate, and assume you are in a similar place..).. Focus on what you can say, not what you can't.

Hugs if wanted. We get that too. We've created a website with a blog and not given it to anyone. Then we can write what we want, as much as we want, yet no-one will see. And it's not saved on the computer so none of our family can accidently find it.

Hope you can find a way to express yourselves soon, we're struggling too

Shame does that. So does pride. And sometimes a painful thought or memory is intended just for you to process. If you want to share, there are people who care. If you don't share, there are still people who care. *hugs if wanted* Feel better soon.

Guilt holds ALL our pain. We have recently learned that when he was little he was given the temporary task of taking overflow trauma from Little, and was promised it was short term. 40 years later and he has built a Kingdom of hate and hurt because he was never relinquished those duties.

This makes him bitter. And now he holds pain and shame and hurt, almost hostage. He refuses to give them up and goes to great lengths to keep the other Alt's quiet, whether co-conscious, hosting, fronting or even fragmented.

I know exactly what you mean, and I empathize greatly with you right now.

Strength is not always on the outside....sometimes going inside (or being taken inside) takes as much strength as saying out LOUD what pains you.

Thank you for opening up here and sharing, you aren't alone.

feels like this a lot; i want to talk about the other states more but it's like i feel embarrased about them which i suppose is a shame thing as well. i think in some of my posts here there has been some of the others come through because i am fuzzy on writing some and they sound different but i am just confused and want to be able to express them properly, but like you i get blocked. i find it weird as well since i get very blocked on writing about seth and he has this massive ego (though i guess ego is based in insecurity unlike a self-assured confidence).

still blocked on so many things but ready to try and make a post about 1 question. maybe.

cant do it. still cant do it

I am familiar with this feeling. Take your time and post when you can. Sitting with you.

Familyof3 wrote:still blocked on so many things but ready to try and make a post about 1 question. maybe.

This is good. You made a post about wanting to make a post about something. Well done! It may feel like failure or wasting time, but it is not. This is one way we dissolve the barriers: we work around the edges. We get as close to what hurts as our defenses will allow, back off, try again and get a little closer, back off, repeat. Be gentle with yourself, and celebrate this step forward. Carry on.

Kooper wrote:I am familiar with this feeling. Take your time and post when you can. Sitting with you.

Hello Kooper. You are spot on. And I see this is your first post here on this website, so: Welcome to the DID Forum!