For those who have integrated

Do you ever miss the other personalities? I function better without them. And the reason mine integrated, was because i listened to my alter adam. I used other names for my alters because of people that knew me. But i listened to him when he told me to stop feeling sorry for myself, and stop worrying about the past. He told me he knew it sucked that my dog died in my arms, he told me that actually created him, and my other alters. He also told me it sucked that my grandfather died, but time flows ever onward, and i can't live in the past. And ever since i listened to him, and changed my outlook on life, They integrated with me. even though it says i've only been on this website since february 2013, i know i've been on it longer because my pdoc says i've been mentally stable for 10 months. So i don't know if that info was inaccurate or not. Maybe i was talking about my previous experiences on here. i did a lot of that. I remember getting on here talking about my alters, and sometimes they came out. so maybe i integrated in february or march, and became mentally stable before that. I have no idea. I know on the other forum i posted about my past experiences with Bipolar. So yeah i have no clue. I could have sworn i made an account before then though. before yesterday i hadnt been on the site since december. I know that was the last time i got on here. i saw my doctor in july and he said it had been 6 to 7 months of mental stability. He had formally dxed me with Schizophrenia at that point. But he said i had been Recovered with no symptoms for 6 to 7 months. So i integrated late february to early march, and i have been mentally stable since december of last year. I have honestly been that way since i stopped talking to these 2 people i used to hang out with. so actually maybe i did make an account in february. Was still having issues early in the month but later i integrated, probably in march or something. I don't know when i integrated.but i do know i don't have split personalities anymore or any symptoms. so it has been 9 or 10 months now without symptoms. Awesome. It seemed like more time had passed since i was last on the site.

I miss them, especially in the early days.

But I feel them closer then ever before too since their experiences are mine now too, as their emotions and thoughts.

There are still dissociative symptoms tho, and some fragments popping up.

I think of the littles often, so I watch lots of animated videos and fingerpaint.

Other then that, my mind is more peaceful and I don t have to argue about what to wear anymore.

It s a huge improvement, I would never go back to the way things were, but it s no pink cloud either.

Tho I can t stress enough that yes, it is an improvement even tho it can get lonely sometimes.

Yeah me too. though i don't miss the fuzzyheadedness and the problems that went along with it. Now i can remember my childhood though watching mulan and things i used to be unable to remember now.

I have integrated 3 separate times with 5 or 6 personalities each time. It wasn't a goal, integration, but more of a natural progression. Each alter came out, talked and dealt with their issue and kinda emptied into the whole, main person.
Each time the silence, inside, was deafening...very hard to deal with. Like I had always lived in a crowded house and it was suddenly empty.
I felt terribly alone. Grief at the loss. But after just a few weeks, I felt better and okay.
Then I'd discover the next layer of memories/ people. I'd almost be giddy with delight to not be alone anymore.
It Is hard at first. But it gets easier.
Oh, one weird thing I noticed after the integrations...time slowed down to a crawl and I couldn't escape to the inside as easily. Good topic. Just found this site. Thrilled to talk and communicate about me and my system:)

I was just looking at your posting history because I thought I would be able to better relate to what you're saying here

You say your psychatrist told you you have been stable for 10 months now. Why is it that you do not know this yourself? Are you still losing time? I was wondering because you wrote in March that you were manic. I'm sorry to hear you're experiencing some bipolar symptoms again now though. I know you were hoping to get the all clear to go off of your meds.

As for integration, we have only integrated one part thus far and we are working on integrating more. Integration means that both (or all) parts meld to become one part. Those parts are still there, it's just a part of you. Experiencing that has been so valuable. It can be lonely, absolutely, but when you find that this person you love or care for is within you, they are you, it's amazing