As a whole *trigger warning*

My partner brought up a tough questions.

"What do you think you would be like if you were whole and can you imagine what life would be like?"

And hearing from another mouth sounded strange.

So I decided to put the question to the forum.

My view... let's say I get angry and afraid (Barry triggers)
he would not switch he's not there I would not have his voice nor the harsh blur to follow wouldn't happen but my actions would be similar to his. along those ideas anyway.

Integration is a big topic in our household lately as we're slowly deciding that integration of at least a larger part of our system will need to integrate for us to be able to give everyone a good, meaningful life. I can't imagine being just one person, but I would imagine it would mean all parts of me being present as me (this me not being me at all, but the product of all of us combined) and with all of these thoughts and feelings playing off of each other instead of being as rivaling as they are now.

For instance, an example that is quite banal:
Instead of having two parts of me fight over whether we should have hello kitty socks on or grey socks I would feel both urgers present and go with the one I most felt like or the one that made the most sense to choose based on weather or the rest of my ensemble.

The same would be true for just about anything: instead of looking at it from the outside as something "to win", I would have the same struggle inside where the goal would be to find the most appropriate solution for the entirety of me.

Trigger warning *Integration has already occurred for me. the only thing that i still have is BPD potentially. I have problems with relationships. Bad problems with relationships. Like i told a girl i hated her and wanted her to die when she told me she loved me and wanted to be with me. And when i did it, I said, you will just end up leaving like all the others to her. And she promised me she wouldnt, but it still didnt work. I feel like me and her have become distant now. she doesnt seem to like me anymore. And the girl i was talking to now, i'm afraid those feelings will surface again. I had a F###ed up early childhood. My birth parents left me in a foster home, and then i had to be put in another foster home, which was ran by my current parents, and I am their only kid now. I am an adult though, I am 20. But my parents love me and have told me that, but even today i have trouble believing anyone could love me. I feel as if they will just leave me like my birth parents did, i guess. Not because i actually have feelings about that, i could care less that it happened. im better off. But i do wonder if that accounts for why i have relationship issues. I was really depressed at one point and i used to self injure. haven't done that for 14 months. But usually the minute someone tells me they love me, i say it back, but i don't believe it. I posted my fears in the BPD forum, but i don't know what to think about the girl i am trying to go with now, she didnt answer me at all yesterday.