Question about losing time

I was wondering if someone with DID loses time only later in his life and never lost time earlier. Lets assume someone 100% never lost time earlier nor it happened and he doesn't know.Let's say for example someone lived with their abuser for after the age of 20. He was abused as a child then abuse stopped but he was still living with the abuser for a long time as an adult and he fears him till date as he is aggressive. Is it possible in this case that there have been always 1 ANP and then later in life other surface and time loss occur?

Thank you

It doesn't quite work like that as far as I am aware, but being removed from a traumatic situation/abuser would certainly bring on a change in a system.


I think it is quite the norm not to be aware of time loss. For instance, until a few years ago I would have sworn I had very good recall of my childhood. It's only when people around you start reminiscing and tell you stuff about yourself that makes you realize there are bits of your past you know nothing about.

In DID there would always be memory gaps for your childhood. It might just be certain aspects of your childhood, or specific events.

For instance I only found out recently that I was sick very, very frequently as a small child. That would have been a large part of my life but it wasn't me who was conscious at these times but another Part of me called Mal. He remembered being sick a lot all along and it played a big role in making him the person he is now. Likewise, he had no idea about other aspects of our childhood that I do recall and that played a big role in making me who I am now. Obviously we are on some level the same person, but the lack of shared memory creates this type of subjective separation.

That's the deal with DID: Memories don't cross between different "mind states" so that effectually you live separate lifes and have separate memories. So if anything I'd say that for someone watching from the outside, DID might be associated with erratic recall rather than true gaps, because while the Part Fronting/Hosting today might not remember another surely does and might talk about it freely another day while today's Fronter/Host is none the wiser. Of course there are other Systems where a single Host stays in control of the body for a very long time and then it might look more like true memory gaps.

DID is not the only form of dissociation though and as I say, all too often there is a funny thing called "amnesia for amnesia" in the play. So there may be little to no awareness of memory gaps.

Thank you very much tea time for your informative reply.

Of course there are other Systems where a single Host stays in control of the body for a very long time and then it might look more like true memory gaps.

You mean a host stays in control for a very long time then later discovers about there were memory gaps? And in this case he was functioning normally because essential daily memories were always present then later for some reason he is triggered and begins to be aware that there were memory gaps

-- Sat Sep 21, 2013 3:38 pm --

Thank you very much tea time for your informative reply.

Of course there are other Systems where a single Host stays in control of the body for a very long time and then it might look more like true memory gaps.

You mean a host stays in control for a very long time then later discovers about there were memory gaps? And in this case he was functioning normally because essential daily memories were always present then later for some reason he is triggered and begins to be aware that there were memory gaps

angel123 wrote:You mean a host stays in control for a very long time then later discovers about there were memory gaps? And in this case he was functioning normally because essential daily memories were always present then later for some reason he is triggered and begins to be aware that there were memory gaps

There would always be memory gaps for aspects of your childhood. That is because the separation/autonomy between different mind states is what allows the child to keep their sanity in the face of overwhelming trauma.

For instance the child who presents at school might know nothing of the traumas another Part/Alter experiences at home and is thus able to appear perfectly normal and does not broadcast to "Outsiders" (teachers, peers) that something is wrong at home. The traumatised child may make brief appearances at school when triggered, but his/her behaviour might be written off as "out of character" or brief glitches for anotherwise well behaved and well adjusted child. The trauma and/or abuse therefore remains secret. Even from Part of the child itself.

So there would always be gaps for your childhood. But these gaps may be well hidden, especially if like me you have a wealth of childhood photo albums or anecdotal knowledge of that time. What alerted me to the fact that I was missing things was that I had plenty of factual knowledge but no detail, no emotion. In fact my "memories" look like photographs, with me recalling scenes as if they were a play in theatre and me watching these scenes from an audience position. Or as it were, from the view of the photographer of my photo albums. These memories are static for me, they literally extend no further than the moments depicted in those photos.

When they write "significant memory loss" I thought this excluded my experience. It really doesn't look very spectacular in my case, because the biggest chunk I am aware of missing is two or three hours spent carrying out a particular activity every day for four years from age six or so. Not spectacular at all, see? But those few hours really had it in them. (There was earlier stuff too, but that is harder to put a finger on for me - no one expects to remember being 3 or 4 years old well, but that is when most of the $#%^ went down for us)

It's in adulthood where the field widens. Some Systems have a Host who holds on to the Front and lets none of the traumatised Alters Out. They would however still become triggered at times and then the regular Host would lose some minutes or hours after all.

Another (very positive) thing that can happen over time after the trauma/abuse has ceased is that Parts/Alters slowly become more and more co-conscious. This means that instead of losing time the Alter not holding executive control can still watch what is happeneing although they have no control over what the Part/Alter currently Fronting does.

A lot of Systems have to actively work towards this co-consciousness, but in my case other Alters in our System did a lot of work towards this while I wasn't even aware of any of them yet. So for me, the last to become aware of our multiplicity, instead of losing all memory of time Others spent in the body I just felt like a passanger, watching "myself" do things I did not identify with and take decisions I disagreed with. It felt as if I was powerless to affect my own life but although I did not recall details for these periods of time I was still conscious and retained a rough idea of what happened during these minutes, hours, days or weeks in which I did not hold executive control.

So although memory loss may become less prevelant in adulthood, there is always memory loss for parts of the childhood, because in a way that is the very function of DID: To allow a small child to deal with situations not suitable for a child. Different aspects of life are handled by different Alters and it's the lack of communication between these Alters that allows the child to cope and live on.

Make sense?

What alerted me to the fact that I was missing things was that I had plenty of factual knowledge but no detail, no emotion. In fact my "memories" look like photographs, with me recalling scenes as if they were a play in theatre and me watching these scenes from an audience position. Or as it were, from the view of the photographer of my photo albums. These memories are static for me, they literally extend no further than the moments depicted in those photos.

This is me all over. I've said almost exactly these words. My childhood memories are very much tied into photographs and I sometimes wonder if my mother hadn't kept so many albums, exactly what I would remember. I hadn't really thought about it until now but I also had an inordinate attachment to the photo albums and would ask to look at them a lot because I would have trouble recalling otherwise.

In regards to school; I have almost no memories at all of school, particularly primary school. I found a school towel the other day, something the children made by drawing pictures of themselves which was then made into a teatowel for teachers to buy. I had thought I was there for only one year but my picture was done at an age later than I thought which means I was there for at least two years (we moved to another county after this).

The problem with memory gaps is that you have no way of knowing that you have missed time unless there is evidence indicative of having done things that you don't remember, or having someone tell you that you did something which you don't recall. I didn't think I lost time and I still struggle to identify days in which I am blanking out. I find very often that even when I feel like I'm aware of everything that is occuring, I can have great difficulty recalling specifics afterwards. I feel like someone else and there is a lot of confusion because I don't feel like I've 'gone' anywhere but then I try to think back and I don't feel like I had any control over the way I was behaving.

Thank you for your replies. I am not diagnosed with DDNOS or DID nor my therapists hinted it is a possibility. I posted here 2 years ago, not relating much to what has been said on the forum but I just liked being there. I stopped following the forum then back this month because:
1) I was diagnosed with different personality disorders by 2 psychologists the past 3 years. Also I was diagnosed with PTSD which later the diagnosis became complex post traumatic. After being diagnosed with many things ,I was told I have a bit of everything and now I do not have a diagnosis.
2) I became aware of that I have experienced changes in my identity the past 3 years. When I first visited a psychologist in 2010 , I had problems that were gone and wanted her to help me know the problem as I was stuck with them all my life and afraid they will be back. The most disturbing ones were severe social phobia and something I don't know what it is but I say it is as if a learning difficulty( my mental age was less than people my age and I see small children understand things Better than me .I can't take what people say and process it and comprehend) but she said that they could never have been personality disorders as they are not cured. I told her it was because I relate to every single symptom in social phobia as if it was written for me:) and I was always stuck with it all my life. I told her I literally never existed as a self and as if I was possessed and now I don't have these problems.
3) I am trying to learn more about things like voices and time loss.
* I have always answered with a No to the question:'Some people have the experience of driving or riding in a car or bus or subway and suddenly realizing that they don’t remember what has happened during all or part of the trip'
I discovered few months ago that I have always missed conversations taking place between people in the car(unless someone directs a question to me and he is not close then I will not miss that but if someone close I may or may not miss it) but I miss the conversations they do together. I also have difficulty memorizing routes to go anywhere. The funny thing is that I always answered the questions in a skew way or with strange logic or maybe the the thing like the learning difficulty I described above did not enable me to understand the question before!
Like the question says' some people' and not 'you' so I thought of it in terms of the usual thing that happens and I saw that the usual is that people should remember.plus it says 'don't remember' and not 'miss' ,so if people wants a reply from someone they will ask him and he replies then in this case if he was not following earlier then he was missing/ not concentrating but not not remembering.
Few months ago when I discovered I was missing the conversations I said bottom line the answer is 'yes' to the question regardless the reason whether it is concentration issues or anything !!

* I used to reply with No to:'Some people find that sometimes they are listening to someone talk and they suddenly realize that they did not hear part or all of what was said.'
Few months ago I discovered that I experience this.

And it goes the same for other questions that I reply to. I know the examples I have given cover other dissociative disorders as well. But I don't know why I denied them or was not aware that this happens or if it is what is called amnesia to amnesia you mentioned or answering in a skew way coz of the learning difficulty I had or the unending logic I use while I answer