letter to potential therapist (trigger warning just in case)

I found a therapist in my area that works in a sliding scale. She also said she has some experience with dissociative disorders. She wanted to know what I am looking for in a therapist. I sent the following.



I'm not really sure what I am looking for in a therapist. The fact that you believe in dissociative disorders is a good starting point! I guess a little background might help. I am 47 years old and have always said I do not remember my childhood. It has become apparent over the last few years that there are huge gaps in my adult memory as well. Most of my memory seems to fade away, however there are times most days when it would seem that I have either completely missed events or my mind put something else in its place. I "zone out" frequently and the world gets foggy, distant or surreal. I managed to gain 40 pounds and not really see it. I have heard voices come out of my mouth that do not belong to me. I sometimes have said things and at the same time thought to myself "why in the world am I saying this". There is a constant dialogue in my head. Not voices, but thoughts. Like I am discussing things with myself. As for voices, yes,I believe I have heard them, in my head, not with my ears. I have seen projections of people (my family has always believed in ghosts).  I remember some trauma from childhood, but according to one of my sisters, there is much I do not remember. My memories are so far gone that I do not even remember eating dinner with my family once as a child, but I know we did every night. I had an imaginary friend as a child which I have come to believe may have been an alter. If I am to believe what I have been told, there are 30 of us in here. I'm not sure whether my husband and children actually believe, but my son says he has seen 6-8 different  "personality states" and my husband says he has seen 14 of me. My daughter says "no one believes you have DID". My husband also says he never knows what to expect and one of "them" hates him. I am a member of a support group online for dissociative disorders and have learned a lot from them. Everything the diagnosed and undiagnosed say rings true for me. I wrote to the Pottergate Centre for Dissociation & Trauma and took the DES and SDQ20. They said it is clear that I show significant symptoms and I am likely to have a dissociative disorder. I have taken the SCID-D and have scored from 45-78 (as best as I can remember), depending on when it was taken. On the flip side of this is denial. Am I making it up? Am I giving in to normal human emotions? Am I giving in to my normal internal child? Are the intrusive thoughts my own? My biggest fears are that I currently remember a few really bad things, what happens when I remember what my mind is protecting me from? I've only had a few flashbacks so far and they have been very tame memories, a few were even good memories.  I can't continue to go through life wonderding what happened. I can't continue to go through life not knowing what my children's first words were. I can't function in life if I can't remember simple things like where Pizza Hut is or what my boss told me to do this morning. I need help. I know I have dumped a lot of information on you all at once and if you have read this far I am grateful. My biggest issue at the moment is money to pay for treatment. We make enough to pay the bills and eat. We have no savings. Occasionally we have money for a luxury like new shoes for work or even something nice for the house. We make a decent living, it just doesn't go far enough. I'm not asking for special treatment, just a reasonable price until Obamacare kicks in. Hopefully then I can afford insurance. So, if you are up for a challenge and I can talk my husband into spending what it costs, perhaps we can work together.

What do you guys think? Did I say it right?

perfectly said. very articulate and genuine. go for it. send that letter, I hope you get the help you are looking for

That sounds great! I hope it goes well with the T, that you get along and feel understood.