reclaiming identity at the end of a relationship

i feel like i've lost everything i was when my relationship ended. all my dreams and visions for the future are never going to happen now, i have no goals. the stuff that made me happy before makes me cry now because it reminds me of him.

i dont know how to pick up the pieces after something like this or get over the fear of being alone forever because of our DID. im scared i'm never gong to meet someone who treats me as good as he did again. i dont know what to do anymore. he was my last tie to the outside world.

i dont want to host anymore, but it hurts thinking that my time out had to end in such misery and no one wants to take on the body.

-- Sat Sep 14, 2013 7:49 pm --

i dont know who i am anymore. everything i was feels so tied to him somehow.

Hi. I'm going through a divorce, myself. I also fear never finding someone because of this DID. I'm thinking it's time to accept my DID and just be myself, whoever that may be. I feel like when a person is confident in just being, that becomes inviting to the outside world. People will open up and form relationships, no matter how temporary or meaningful--and the more connections you make, the more likely you'll find someone who is a good fit for you (all of you).

AltCtrlDel wrote:I feel like when a person is confident in just being, that becomes inviting to the outside world. People will open up and form relationships, no matter how temporary or meaningful--and the more connections you make, the more likely you'll find someone who is a good fit for you (all of you).

Those are really uplifting words. thank you.

If you don't love yourself first, how can you expect anyone else to love you? You need to figure out who you/y'all are. The rest will follow when you are ready.

if it's not too personal AltCtrlDel, could i ask how you are coping with the divorce? Right now i can't do anything but cry and feel so hopeless and everyone in our system feels something different. It's so overwhelming and I have no idea how to help myself feel happy again. Right now it feels like i'll never be happy again.

Familyof3,

Honestly, I'm afraid and I'm sad. I haven't found a room to rent yet and not getting too many responses from jobs I've applied to. The one person who cares about me, is relieved to be exiting the relationship. But I don't look at this as a loss. I was a victim in the past because I was just a kid. Sometimes I still feel helpless, but I try not to give in. It's okay to be scared and to cry. It's part of the expression of life. Just don't get stuck there, it's a bad place to live.

I set aside a couple of hours a day to read Craig's List for rooms, and raid job sites. I also set aside some time to show love to myself; maybe I'll draw, watch cartoons, lift weights, it's really whatever I need at the time. I also have my panic time, because I have nervous energy that must be released.

I hope that helps. PM me if you want to talk more about the personal aspects.

I just want you guys to know, I am in the opposite situation..I am the supporter, my boyfriend has DID, and HE is the one that left me. I feel much like you, Family of 3, devastated and can't stop crying. I miss him so much. I think he had a host change, or an alter that's been cooped up finally came out and took him away.

I just want you both to know that there ARE people out there will love you for who you are. I love all of his alters very much (even the one that's not so keen on me!) and wish they'd come home.

Hi Patience. That must be difficult for you both. I'm so confused about how things ended, myself. It's like one day I realized I wasn't me any more and my needs and goals were different. It wasn't so much an emergence as it was a disintegration. I don't know who I am half the time, and there's really nothing left other then reinventing myself and building a new life.

Sounds a little bit like what happened to my boyfriend, except he claims he's running out of time and needs to do something important with his life and needs more excitement. Almost like a midlife crisis.

In your situation, could be blending; things tend to not stay the same, there are countless combinations, like a kaleidoscope almost. And I think it's possible for many alters to "evolve" with their surroundings. Not exactly age, perhaps, but evolve and change due to their life circumstances. They "grow" with their experiences, I guess almost like anyone would.

Hope that doesn't sound weird. I'm at such a loss lately, lonely and scared too.

Feel better, Patience.

The explanation makes sense, although, I feel it's the opposite. I've been rapid switching. Ex says I'm like different people, he never knows what to expect. I had someone who used the birth name, keeping everything together - and it's as though she was just haphazardly put together from the rest of us. She's been missing for a few months and we don't know what to do. I'm the closest to an adult we have in the system right now and I'm just a teenager. I'm in panic mode a lot.

I feel for you guys.