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Name Change

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Name Change

Postby AltCtrlDel » Sat Sep 14, 2013 7:29 pm

I never liked my name growing up. I never identified with it. I've thought about changing my name for a lot of my life.

Has anyone here ever assumed a new legal identity?

I've been feeling much more in touch with certain aspects of myself, and we've surmised that officially, the first name that ever felt right is Sam. Since I am getting a divorce, I'm seriously considering changing my whole name and just starting over when I transition to graduate school. I'd be symbolically cutting ties with my family and the person my family hurt. I'd be on the path I want to be, I'll be a doctor of neuroscience in a few years. No one will know me or my past.

Does this seem okay? Does anyone have experience? I'm not rushing, because I don't want to do this on a whim and regret it, though, I've accepted this name since I was six.
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Re: Name Change

Postby another-place » Sun Sep 15, 2013 7:39 am

Hi,

My question would be why exactly do you want to change your name?

Sure I myself am unhappy with my name. I would find it ungrounding to change it though and lose what little thread / continuum I have from it. Personally I would also find it running away from myself and my past by renaming and starting again, which could be dangerous since I need to accept my past and who I am as a whole eventually to integrate.

So I guess if it's a matter of comfort / expression and you will feel more "you" by changing it then fair enough. Just make sure you're not doing it because you don't accept the old you :)

Random thoughts after a night's heavy drinking, apologies if it's not helpful :D

Cheers
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Re: Name Change

Postby AltCtrlDel » Sun Sep 15, 2013 12:12 pm

You raise a valid point. That's why I'm not jumping on the decision.

I think it's a bit of both. I'm letting go, getting comfortable in my own being, and sort of reinventing myself as my life is changing.
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Re: Name Change

Postby susievee » Sun Sep 15, 2013 3:20 pm

I sort of did something similar though not legally. When I went to university I changed my name from Susan to Susie as I didn't want to be the person of my past. I wanted to be someone else not associated with it. I wanted to become something to escape my past and worked damn hard to graduate as a teacher. Now 10 years later I half regret that decision....I spent those 10 years being awful to Susan, the younger part of myself I detested and it is only recently in therapy that I have accepted her, and been kind to her. I can't really change my name back but I feel harsh that I changed it 'to be someone' My advise is to be fully sure why you are changing your name.....family stuff will always be there and need to be worked through whatever name you have. A name is a name but the being is important. You are important.
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Re: Name Change

Postby AltCtrlDel » Sun Sep 15, 2013 4:09 pm

Thank you for sharing your experience with changing your name.

It's not so much that I don't want to accept my past or think I'm unimportant. I'm working through the trauma all the time. I just want to give myself a fresh start and I don't want to keep the name my abusers gave me.

My birth name never felt right to me. I'll be discussing my thoughts on this with my therapist.
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Re: Name Change

Postby Platypus » Mon Sep 16, 2013 11:31 am

AltCtrlDel wrote:I'm seriously considering changing my whole name and just starting over when I transition to graduate school. I'd be symbolically cutting ties with my family and the person my family hurt. I'd be on the path I want to be, I'll be a doctor of neuroscience in a few years. No one will know me or my past.

I don't have DID, but I did this (well aside from the graduate school), and I am mostly pleased that I did.

If you are only symbolically cutting ties with your family, you will probably then have to tell them about your name change. I haven't told mine yet, and that's a rather stupid situation to have created, as I know one day they will find out and be hurt and angry. :oops: But I wanted to cut all contact and wasn't able to do so, so this is the point where I'm sort of stuck.

I'd also like to mention that I didn't 'become' my new name. I think I thought it would help me to reinvent myself. Maybe it did in some ways, but I still have all the same old bad habits. A rose by any other name would smell as sweet (or as stinky :mrgreen:).

I think it's great that you are talking about this with your therapist. I waited a year before acting on the desire to change my name, and during that time I did little things to reinforce my new name, like practising my signature. So when I actually made the change, it already felt natural to me.
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Re: Name Change

Postby AltCtrlDel » Mon Sep 16, 2013 2:59 pm

May I ask, what holds you back from either communicating or cutting ties with your family?

I stopped talking to my mother in January of 2011 and cut out everyone else in my life this past May. The name change is reinforcing this for me, I think.

We didn't talk too much about the name change in therapy today. I broke the news that I am leaving the country for a while because now seems like the right time. There was some major transference and counter-transference, but he wants to see me again this week...we'll see. The name change may have to wait, but I'll probably have people call me by the name I want in the mean time.
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Re: Name Change

Postby Familyof3 » Mon Sep 16, 2013 3:17 pm

AltCtrlDel wrote:I broke the news that I am leaving the country for a while because now seems like the right time. There was some major transference and counter-transference, but he wants to see me again this week...we'll see. The name change may have to wait, but I'll probably have people call me by the name I want in the mean time.


that sounds a lot like what i did. when i became host i cut ties with everyone and lived out of country for a year and a half on and off and there i was known by my name, not the body's name. it is an amazing healing journey getting away from everything and being able to form an identity of your own. :)

returning can be very difficult though because it takes away part of that newly formed identity. :(
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Re: Name Change

Postby AltCtrlDel » Mon Sep 16, 2013 5:26 pm

Familyof3 wrote:
that sounds a lot like what i did. when i became host i cut ties with everyone and lived out of country for a year and a half on and off and there i was known by my name, not the body's name. it is an amazing healing journey getting away from everything and being able to form an identity of your own. :)

returning can be very difficult though because it takes away part of that newly formed identity. :(


Oh, wow! That sounds very encouraging! I know I need to do this and I'm still scared to do it. It's a bold move. I have to wait until the divorce is final because of my last name. If I leave before I can change my passport, I won't be allowed back in the country. lol So I have a few weeks to mentally prepare.
PTSD/DID/ADhD

Never compromise yourself, you're all you've got.
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Re: Name Change

Postby Familyof3 » Mon Sep 16, 2013 10:24 pm

good luck :D through everything that's gone on, i still don't have any regrets about leaving like i did. it wasn't always easy, but it was definitely worth gathering up the courage to do it. even though i don't have my SO anymore, i do have many good memories and lessons i would have never gotten if i hadn't taken that leap.
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