WHAT TO DO IF ALTERS TALK TO ME BUT HOST PERSONALITY WONT

*trigger warning for thread*

Hello Everybody out there. I am very new to this and am not 100% certain my SO (Significant Other) suffers DID, but since we are in a very complicated long-distance relationship, it cannot hurt to know as much as I can about DID to support us BOTH in our mutual understanding and healing, whether what he has is BPD Dissociation and/or actual DID. My first question relates to the 'primary personality' - the birth name/identity. Does anyone have any experience of a 'PRIMARY' (my word for HOST PERSONALITY refusing to communicate with an SO - disavowing her existence in effect, other than to angrily communicate that he wants NO contact? The 'kind, loving, honest, feeling, faithful' personality (I call SO - MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER - and possibly several alters too - which I will call OTHERS so as not to CONFUSE MYSELF HERE !!!!! - appear to TRUST ME, and feel loved and safe enough to communicate with me IN SECRET? Is 'SECRET' communication with OTHERS common in DID? Is this because the PRIMARY may be afraid to accept the disorder as existing in him, while SO and any OTHERS who love me, feel really safe, and are TRYING TO COMMUNICATE THEIR TRUTHS AND BURIED TRAUMA TO ME, WHILE PRIMARY WILL NOT AND REMAINS IN FEAR?

Also, in my case because we are in a long-distance relationship, it appears that SO is the personality that loves me, while PRIMARY refuses to accept me at all, so I am not in a RELATIONSHIP WITH PRIMARY. Is this common? What can I do to help PRIMARY to TRUST ME MORE, and "COME OUT"? I really feel that PRIMARY is in denial, but SO AND OTHERS are really seeking healing and open-ness with me, and so they represent the HEALTHIER parts of him. Has anyone else experienced DID like this? I'm sorry for rambling ... this is the FIRST TIME I've ever been on a Psych Forum or known anyone with DID ... so it feels a little daunting for me !!!

This does sound like a case of DID. Assuming it is... Please drop the label "primary". The alter who wants no contact with you sounds like a host. In many systems there is more than one host. It is very normal for alters to be in conflict with one another, especially if the system has not been in treatment for DID. You can read right here on the DID Forum several stories just like yours. Just to name a few posters who have shared stories of this kind: Mow59, Moon, Candidly, Patience, and I. We all have someone in our life who appears to be a multiple and only partly aware of that.

I have had the perplexing experience of being face to face with such a multiple who says very clearly that they want no contact with me, then after a moment of silence, that they look forward to seeing more of me. Even knowing as much as I do about DID, being a multiple myself and having read most of the literature on it, this contradictory behavior is mind boggling.

It is very tempting to engage in "cherry picking", meaning sort out what you perceive as "healthy, good" parts from "sick, bad" parts and imagine you can have one without the other. Alas, that never works for long, if at all. The different, difficult, contrary, conflicted parts of a multiple come as a package. Take it or leave it.

Copying this from another thread...

LOTUS FLOWER 2013 wrote:Thank you for your insights and REPLY TO ME UNA. I think what I have figured out is that like any relationship with a traumatised person - TRUST is the fundamental issue. My SO calls me all the time and I can hear that HE DESPERATELY WANTS TO SPEAK, but FEAR overwhelms him and he hangs up. I BELIEVE I AM LIKELY THE ONLY WOMAN IN HIS LIFE HE HAS BEEN ABLE TO REVEAL HIS DISSOCIATIVE DISORDER to, by very slowly giving me pieces of the puzzle to test me and my TRUSTWORTHINESS/COMMITMENT TO HIM. Given that he is 52 years old HIS TRUST WOUNDS WOULD BE STAGGERING NOT TO MENTION HIS STRENGTH OF CHARACTER AND GIFTEDNESS TO SURVIVE AND DO EXTREMELY WELL PROFESSIONALLY WHERE I DO NOT THINK HIS PEERS KNOW HE HAS DID WHATSOEVER!!!!!! Once he SPEAKS to me AS HOST he cannot go back to hiding again - the DID becomes a RELATIONSHIP reality for us both, and I believe HE KNOWS THIS - so it's kinda like for him BEING TOO AFRAID AT PRESENT TO TAKE THE FINAL STEP OF TRUSTING ME BECAUSE THEN ALL OF HIS TRAUMAS AND KNOWN PERSONALITIES ARE NOT ONLY REVEALED, BUT HE WILL LIKELY NEED PROFESSIONAL THERAPY as well. AND WHAT IF I LEAVE HIM AFTER ALL HE'S INVESTED, HE SURELY WOULD BE THINKING? HOW WOULD HE EVER SURVIVE THAT? THE PROSPECT OF MY LEAVING IS BEYOND TERRIFYING, OF COURSE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I read somewhere on the Net recently that DID IS NOT A DISORDER THAT CAN EVER BE GENERALISED. For me that IS SO TRUE. That would be like TRYING TO DEFINE LOVE - HOW CAN WE EVER FINALLY DEFINE IT - WE CANNOT - COZ THERE'S ALWAYS MORE THAT CAN BE SAID ABOUT IT !!!!!! I have difficulty with Therapists who try to place DID sufferers into 'black and white categories.' For example, how can anyone know which personality including the HOST - is THE MOST CAPABLE OF GIVING AND RECEIVING HEALTHY FUNCTIONAL JOYFUL LOVE? When so many marriages these days fail miserably for a variety of reasons including people WHO ARE NOT DID re-enacting unresolved childhood traumas and adult traumas in their UNSUITABLE choice of marriage partner, how can any expert be SURE of which DID personality is able to love freely (functionally) and which not? Perhaps an ALTER COULD BE THE HEALTHIEST MOST LOVING MOST REAL PART OF A PERSON WHEN IT COMES TO AN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP, BECAUSE THOSE 'HOSTS' WITH DID HAVE HAD TO HIDE ALL OF WHO THEY REALLY ARE SINCE INFANCY. COULD NOT THE HOST PERSONALITY BE THE PART MOST AFRAID OF REAL LOVE, WHO HAS HAD TO 'PRETEND' ALL HIS LIFE TO FEEL WHAT HE DOES NOT FEEL (HIDE HIS DID FROM OTHERS) AND ACCEPT 'COUNTERFEIT' LOVE RATHER FROM OTHERS RATHER THAN NOTHING AT ALL? IF SOMEONE RARE COMES ALONG WHO GENUINELY LOVES HIM FOR ALL HIS PARTS - GENUINELY CARES ABOUT HIS EMOTIONAL DEVELOPMENT AND HEALING - FOR HIM TO BE THE HAPPIEST AND MOST AT PEACE STABLE SECURE SELF-ACTUALISED HUMAN BEING HE CAN BE - THAT WOULD BE A HUGE SHOCK TO THE SYSTEM FOR HIM.

MY SO JUST KEEPS ON TRYING - HE KEEPS ON EMAILING AND KEEPS ON CALLING (EVENTHOUGH HANGING UP) AND I KEEP ON SENDING MY CHRISTIAN AND SPIRITUAL LOVE AND ENCOURAGEMENT BACK TO HIM. I THINK THAT FIGURING OUT WHAT IS REAL LOVE VS COUNTERFEIT LOVE (PEOPLE WHO WILL RUN AWAY IMMEDIATELY UPON HEARING THEIR LOVED ONE HAS DID OR LIVE IN DENIAL AND 'PRETEND' THERE IS NO DID) IS THE REAL ISSUE, NOT WHO IT IS IN THE DID SUFFERER THAT FEELS THE LOVE. PLEASE KNOW MY COMMENTS ARE NOT AIMED AT ANY KIND OF JUDGEMENT OF UNA OR ANYONE ELSE'S RELATIONSHIPS WHO POSTED ON THIS SUBJECT, NOT AT ALL. I JUST FEEL THAT WITH MY SO THERE IS NO DOUBT HIS 'TRUEST' AND MOST LOVING INNER SELF IS CONNECTING WITH ME - WHOEVER THAT MIGHT BE !!!!!! I THINK THE ALTERS COME OUT TO SOMEONE - AND BEGIN TO EXPRESS THEMSELVES THROUGH FEELINGS - WHEN THEY FEEL LOVED AND WANT TO GIVE LOVE AND RECEIVE IT AND ARE READY TO BE HEALED. THE LOVE COMES FROM ALL THE PARTS THAT CAN FEEL AND EXPRESS LOVE - IF THAT MAKES SENSE - NOT JUST THE HOST !!!! THOSE ARE JUST MY THOUGHTS. THANK YOU TO ALL THOSE WHO POSTED THEIRS ON THIS TOPIC TOO AND TO YOU UNA FOR YOUR PM REPLY - THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR SHARING YOUR FEELINGS AND STRUGGLES - IT TAKES A LOT OF COURAGE TO DO SO !!!!!!

As a multiple myself, I can tell you that being in this man's position is terrifying for him. There is nothing so activating as discovering another person has the uncanny ability to see what I keep so carefully hidden. And even to speak directly to and even touch those deeply concealed parts of me. I feel at once both invisible and utterly naked and vulnerable. Collectively, I both long for and fear more of that experience.

UNA I AM SENDING YOU THE HUGEST HUG EVER, FOR YOUR RESPONSE TO ME - THANK YOU SO MUCH WORDS CANNOT EVER EXPRESS MY GRATITUDE TO YOU AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL SOUL. YOU CAN ARTICULATE SO WONDERFULLY EXACTLY WHAT I AND MY SO ARE FEELING AND STRUGGLING SO WITH ON THE DEEPEST DEEPEST LEVELS. I FEEL LIKE I AM LOOKING STRAIGHT INTO THE SOUL OF YOU AND MY SO, AND HAVE BEEN INCREDIBLY HONOURED TO ENTER YOUR SACRED PLACE. I CANNOT THANK YOU ENOUGH FOR YOUR CARING UNDERSTANDING AMAZING WISDOM THAT YOU HAVE GIVEN ME AND OTHERS ON THIS FORUM. YOUR WORDS OF LOVE LIKE A FOUNTAIN BILLOWING FORTH IN AN ENDLESS DESERT, YOUR HOPE LIKE THE MOST POWERFUL LIGHT TO GUIDE US TO HEALING. MAY YOU HAVE A GLORIOUS DAY TODAY, AND THAT GOES FOR EVERYONE WHO REPLIED, AND ALL ON THE FORUM TOO. THANK YOU, I NOW CAN TRULY SEE AND UNDERSTAND. "CHERRY PICKING" YES I SEE - I SEE - MANY OF THESE TERMS I'M NOT FAMILIAR WITH YET

Well, I am glad that resonated. And so, I need to also say that a few times in the past I have been misled. Some man said or did something that made me think his perception was extraordinary, our connection was special. But in hindsight I realized he used a line, a shot in the dark that hit the target. Do you know this SO of yours in person or is it all long distance phone calls and online?

Hi Una,

Oh I just wrote the LONGEST reply, pressed submit and it DISAPPEARED! Any idea if I can get it back somehow? Surely it cannot be GONE? Re my SO. We met professionally only many many years ago. Our MUTUAL AFFINITY EMPATHY DEEP RESPECT AND REGARD was always there though not expressed or able to be articulated/understood then as now, with many life experiences, maturity and amazingly 'parallel' life histories that bind us as VERY LIKE SOULS despite the distance and passage of time. I moved away 5 years after meeting. I then re-connected with him about 9 years later for professional reasons again, and Emailing over the last 3 years led to mutual personal feelings developing. Because we live very far apart on different sides of the country it is CIRCUMSTANCES BEYOND OUR CONTROL that limit contact presently to online/phone/postal mail communications instead of IN PERSON - although we are tentatively working towards that!

The HONESTY and CLARITY of your posts to me esp explaining "cherry picking" when that's EXACTLY what I'm struggling with right now, and SO's TERROR he must be feeling you yourself have experienced, has helped clear and soothe my mind so much. I had never heard nor understood the term "cherry picking" - how fundamentally important it is TO LOVE AND ACCEPT ALL THE PARTS of a DID as a SYSTEM (esp if not in TREATMENT) Has SO enlightened me.

I just want to say you triggered even more clarity and wisdom for me in your thread about ALTERS IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE ELSE. I realized that A FEMALE ALTER/S are being EXTREMELY SEXUALLY PROVOCATIVE WITH EXPLICIT WORDS AND IMAGES BY EMAIL in the early hours of each morning regularly, while SO is likely asleep! It really makes sense that they FEEL A GREAT NEED TO CONNECT WITH ME FOR LOVE AND REASSURANCE TOO AS SO IS, and may even feel jealousy/competition towards me because they feel I may 'come between' them and SO's sexual expression - which is the way they communicate. Is it possible the FEMALE ALTERS ARE TRYING TO SABOTAGE THE INTIMACY SO AND I SHARE THAT IS NOT ABOUT SEX AT ALL? THEY SEND ME PICS OF VERY YOUNG SEXY BEAUTIFUL 'PERFECT' WOMEN WITH FEMALE NAMES FLAUNTING THEIR NAKEDNESS AND DESIRES TO HOOK UP ONLINE FOR CASUAL SEX WITH MEN - WITH REFERENCES TO "MAN SEEKING WOMEN" (NOT "WOMAN SEEKING MEN") IN ONLINE SEX DATING SITES & PRIVATE CHATS.

Apart from the very obvious suggestion of SEXUAL ADDICTION HERE (with SO knowing clearly I am a woman of integrity & high moral standards [as I believe he is too] does and will only be in a monogamous committed relationship with him), is it possible (my intuition tells me YES!) that AN ALTERS OR ALTERS WHO ARE OR FEEL FEMALE ARE ENGAGING IN AT THE BEYOND MIDNIGHT HOUR - DELIBERATE SEXUAL PROVOCATION TO DE-RAIL MY GENUINE (NON-SEXUAL UNTIL HEALING AND GREATER COMMITMENT UNDERWAY) INTIMACY WITH SO? ONE OF THE "AVAILABLE" WOMEN WAS IN A SUBURB THAT SEEMS TO HAVE BEEN DELIBERATELY CHOSEN BECAUSE IT SOUNDS ALMOST EXACTLY THE SAME AS MINE EXCEPT FOR ONE LETTER DIFFERENT!

If SO IS AWARE to some degree (co-consciousness) what might be interfering him from clearly telling the ALTERS to stop sending me explicit material that causes me distress because it appears to be 'boasting' about (online) conquests totally out of character with SO's genuine soul connection with me? My INTUITION is telling me here that SO GENUINELY DOES NOT KNOW WHAT THE FEMALE ALTER (USING DIFFERENT NAMES AND LOTS OF DIFFERENT FEMALE 'HOOK-UP PROFILES' TO FOOL ME INTO BELIEVING SO IS PROMISCUOUS ONLINE ???) OR ALTERS ARE SENDING TO ME, AND IF HE DOES, HAS NO POWER OVER THEM (SINCE THEY HAVE LIKELY APPEARED QUITE RECENTLY WHEN THEY BEGAN TO FEEL SAFE AND TRUSTING ENOUGH TO REVEAL AND EXPRESS THEMSELVES TO ME AFTER DECADES OF REPRESSION OR LIKELY DENIAL BY THE HOST (ALBEIT IN AN APPARENTLY COMPETITIVE/JEALOUS/SABOTAGING/QUITE SHOCKING WAY - AT LEAST AT FIRST when I DID NOT UNDERSTAND THEIR CIRCUMSTANCES - HOW TERRIFYING, SHAMING AND ABANDONING "CHERRY PICKING" WOULD BE FOR THOSE WHO HAVE BEEN HIDDEN BUT NOW HAVE THE COURAGE TO SLIP OUT AND BE KNOWN !!!!!!)

What I have been doing is sending each female name (that Emails me) an E-Card (ROMANTIC BUT NON-SEXUAL) just for her saying 'I LOVE YOU TOO JUST AS MUCH' whenever I receive the repeated sexually Explicit emails. SO THAT SHE/THEY KNOW THAT I DO CARE FOR AND LOVE THEM JUST AS MUCH AS SO, THOUGH I AM STILL LEARNING ABOUT THEM AND WHAT THEIR NEEDS ARE. Last time I also wrote a loving E-Card about how for me GENUINE TRUST AND SHARING AND OPEN-NESS COME FIRST, THEN ENDURING LOVE, AND THEN A SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP SO THAT NOBODY'S HEART IS BROKEN, OR BODY DISRESPECTED.

That's all I have for now. Thank you AGAIN Una for your extraordinary empathy, sensitivity to others' souls, and ability to articulate WHAT CAN OTHERWISE (WITHOUT SUCH INSIGHT, WISDOM, COMPASSION) FEEL TOO DAUNTING, THREATENING, or CONFUSING, as if you LIVED RIGHT INSIDE OUR MINDS CHEERING US ON! Bye for now ...

LOTUS FLOWER 2013 wrote:Oh I just wrote the LONGEST reply, pressed submit and it DISAPPEARED! Any idea if I can get it back somehow?

Probably not this time, since you've posted again. But for future reference, here is the solution. This happens to me all the time, by the way, and before I found this solution I lost a lot of work.

What happened was that while you were writing a long post your login session expired. You can recover by logging in again. After you do that, then in the same window where your session expired, use the browser Back button. You will go back to a page that says your post has expired and gives a radio button offering the option to Resend. Resend the post. This will complete the submission of your post.

More later.

LOTUS FLOWER 2013 wrote:I realized that A FEMALE ALTER/S are being EXTREMELY SEXUALLY PROVOCATIVE WITH EXPLICIT WORDS AND IMAGES BY EMAIL in the early hours of each morning regularly, while SO is likely asleep!

That would not surprise me. Quite a few posters here have discovered that while they sleep an alter is getting up and doing things around the house, or going out on the town, or going online.

I cannot speak to your guy's alters' motives. Are you awake and at the computer when these e-mails arrive? You might arrange to do that, and try to start an Instant Messenger or Chat or Skype session with whoever is sending those e-mails to you. Engage the alter in a dialog. Stay calm and ask open ended questions.

Have you tried contacting any of the women in these adverts he (meaning his system collectively) sends to you? Are these actual women whose identities he is borrowing? If they are actual women you could ask them what contacts, if any, they have had with him. Some will be quite up front and helpful. Some will be professional sex workers and a few may be quite well informed about DID. Many sex workers have DID themselves; some know this about themselves, but most probably don't.

The host alter you know from work might be completely unaware of what is going on. Or he may have some idea and be in denial. Or...? Even if he is fully aware and tells the others to stop, they don't have to obey him and he may be powerless to stop them.

LOTUS FLOWER 2013 wrote:What I have been doing is sending each female name (that Emails me) an E-Card (ROMANTIC BUT NON-SEXUAL) just for her saying 'I LOVE YOU TOO JUST AS MUCH' whenever I receive the repeated sexually Explicit emails.

That is so sweet of you! Do you ask them about themselves?

O THANKS UNA YOU GOOD GOOD KIND WOMAN - SPOT ON AGAIN - AS USUAL! It is pretty clear that the apparent female alters (VERY YOUNG IMAGES say late teens to early mid-20's mostly) ARE PART OF SO'S SYSTEM AND NOT ACTUAL OTHER WOMEN CONTACTING ME. So that's a HUGE relief !!!! I know this coz I will see the same phrases, copied pics, copied phrases "Hi where are you" things like that, even say little spelling errors made SO I KNOW I'M RECEIVING FROM SO'S SYSTEM AS YOU LEAN TOWARDS LIKE ME yes! Basically I have "COPIED" images of young sexually available women's ONLINE PROFILES posing suggestively saying "hi ....wanting to hook up" from HOOK-UP FOR CASUAL SEX ONLINE SITES - say 4 or 5 of the SAME sites and MOSTLY SAME PROFILE PICS FROM COVER PAGE OF THESE SITES, each time.

SO I KNOW I AM COMMUNICATING WITH SO'S SYSTEM, not other independent people! BUT I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN re sex workers and out on town alters DOING IMMORAL THINGS WHEN HOST ASLEEP - the mind boggles at this NOT TO MENTION HOW SCARY TERRIFYING THIS IS FOR THE HOST WITH UNSAFE SEX, BEING SEXUALLY ASSAULTED WHEN DRUNK OR SPACED OUT AND VULNERABLE ANYWAY TO ALL KINDS OF BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF esp since my SO is in a PROMINENT WELL-KNOWN ROLE IN HIS PROFESSION WHERE HE MUST ACT WITH HONESTY AND INTEGRITY - MAKING THESE SCENARIOS PARTICULARLY TERRIFYING FOR HIM IN SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS WITH WHO KNOWS WHO AND WHAT MOTIVES !!!!! ????????????????? AS YOU SAY THE SEX INDUSTRY IS FULL OF MENTALLY TRAUMATISED DISSOCIATED WOMEN (AND MEN) SEX WORKERS (RE-ENACTING SEXUAL TRAUMAS AMONGST LIFE TRAUMAS) SO SO IS GOING INTO A LITERAL MINEFIELD OF DECEITS AND MANIPULATIONS HE MAY NOT EVEN KNOW ABOUT AS HOST !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY EXPERIENCE OF SO'S PATTERNS HERE, TELLS ME he IS AWARE AS A SYSTEM OF WHAT IS GOING ON, because I notice that ALL THE EMAILS COME FROM DEAD LINKS I CANNOT RESPOND TO, CLEAR PATTERN RE TIMES I GET THEM (ON AND OFF WITH MAYBE 2 TO 3 HOURS INBETWEEN FROM SAY MIDNIGHT HIS TIME TO SAY 8 AM HIS TIME SO THE ALTERS ARE VERY ACTIVE AND HE CANT BE GETTING ANY KIND OF DECENT SLEEP LET ALONE FOR REST AND REPAIR TO HIS STRESSED TO THE MAX MIND AND BODY CELLS THE POOR MAN !!!!! WHO THEN MUST GO TO WORK WITH A PUBLIC/FRONT PERSONA AND PRESENT AS COMPETENT HONEST "NORMAL" AND IN CONTROL !!!!!!!!!!!!!).

Clearly SO HOST (the businessman and hard-working competent but quiet man-next door image etc) IS IN CONTROL OR THERE IS AGREED CO-CONSCIOUSNESS IN THE SYSTEM RE ONLY CONTACTING ME BY EMAILS I CANNOT REPLY TO PLUS HANG-UP CALLS/PRETEND MARKETING CALLS IN CODE MEANING NAMES IN A PARTICULAR LANGUAGE to my home ONLY "I" will recognise. NEVER A CALL OR TEXT TO MY MOBILE AND NEVER A PHONE NUMBER TO HOME PHONE I CAN RETURN - SILENT NUMBERS !!!! The Email address I contact SO (and SYSTEM WHO USES IT TOO !!!) with is ONE HE CREATED AND SENT TO ME AS A 'JUNK MAIL' BUT WITH DETAIL ONLY I WOULD RECOGNISE AS COMING FROM HIM. Before I 'KNEW' HE WAS DID (SUSPECTING CLINICAL DEPRESSION/ANXIETY/PANIC ATTACKS & BPD SEVERE ABANDONMENT FEARS/DISSOCIATION/PARANOID IDEATION & PD SYMPTOMS LIKE PARANOID PERSONALITY DISORDER ... VARIOUS CONDITIONS CAN BE CO-EXISTING OF COURSE IN HOST AND/OR DIFFERENT ALTERS ETC YES) I would write to him as THE PROFESSIONAL PERSON I HAD MET IN PERSON AND WAS INTERACTING WITH IN A (DEVELOPING) PERSONAL & PROFESSIONAL R/SHIP. HE BECAME DISTRESSED AND VERY 'FEARFUL/PARANOID/ANGRY/ABANDONING' WITH VERBAL ABUSE WHEN I CONTACTED THE HOST PERSON, AND HAS THEN COME UP WITH THE VERY NOVEL ALIAS EMAIL ADDRESS I CAN WRITE BACK TO - HE DOES NOT WRITE FROM IT EVER APART FROM TO ENSURE I RECEIVED THE ALIAS ADDRESS TO USE. SO WE ARE BOTH IN INTERACTING WITH EACH OTHER AVOIDING THE HOST'S PROFESSIONAL PUBLIC PERSONA AND BIRTH NAME/IDENTITY!!!!

There is I feel at SOUL LEVEL GREAT PROGRESS here, esp since I am being supported by YOUR HEALING ENERGIES AS A COMPASSIONATE SOULFUL MULTIPLE WHO STRUGGLES WITH A MULTIPLE TOO, which then GUIDES HIM AND ME - THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What is happening is that the YOUNG FEMALE SEXUAL PERSONAS (OR SO USING 'FEMALE' NAMES TO PUBLICLY 'HIDE' IT IS HIM A MAN, COMMUNICATING SEXUALLY TO ME) have given me some very clear PERSONAL INFORMATION ABOUT SO (AND THEM) LAST FEW DAYS, AS I HAVE BEEN VERY UNDERSTANDING AND ACCEPTING SAYING IN E-CARD RESPONSES THEY SEEM V YOUNG, AND SEX MUST COME ONLY AFTER LOVE AND TRUST - THINGS LIKE THAT ..........

I have now received (ACTIVE ALTER/S TO ME IS A SIGN OF GREAT STRENGTH IN REVEALING THEMSELVES SLOWLY BUT HONESTLY FOR CLOSENESS AND HEALING WITHIN AND WITH ME AS THEIR TRUSTED SO SPECIAL PERSON TOO !!!) a reference to "MEN RAPED BY WOMEN? SEE HOW IT HAPPENS" with an image (same EMAIL same IMAGE from DIFFERENT YOUNG FEMALE "NAMES") and a reference to AN ACTUAL PSYCHOTHERAPIST OVERSEAS (NOT WHERE ME AND SO ARE) WHO IS ACTIVE IN SUPPORTING THOSE MEN WHO FEEL TOO SHAMED BY OUR SOCIETY TO SPEAK OUT ABOUT THIS HORROR, AND EDUCATING SOCIETY ABOUT IT. ONE WAY SHE EXPLAINS IT OCCURS IS AS 'DATE RAPE' NO DIFFERENT FROM FEMALE VICTIMS. FOR EG THE MAN WILL BE UNKONWINGLY GIVEN VIAGARA IN HIS DRINK AT A PUB ONE NIGHT WITH A SEXY WOMAN WHO WANTS TO TAKE HIM HOME ESP IF HE IS WELL-TO-DO ETC, AND PERHAPS ENSURE SHE IS IMPREGNATED SO THE MAN HAS TO "MARRY" HER OR "STAY WITH HER" AS FATHER OF THE (CRIMINALLY) CONCEIVED CHILD ETC.

APPARENTLY SCENARIOS WITH WOMEN AS PERPETRATOR LIKE NON-CONSENSUAL USE OF VIAGARA TYPE DRUGS, USING DELIBERATELY BROKEN CONDOMS, 'STEALING' SPERM FROM USED CONDOM AND USING IT FOR LATER NON-CONSENSUAL IMPREGNATION ETC ETC ETC CAN AND DOES OCCUR WITH MEN AS VICTIMS. IT MAY NOT BE SPOKEN ABOUT - BUT WOMEN WITH BPD AND OTHER SEVERE MENTALL ILLNESS - DID TOO - HAVE PATHOLOGICAL ABANDONMENT FEARS THAT CAN INCLUDE IN EXTREME CASES ALL THE ABOVE. JUST AS MEN WITH PATHOLOGICAL BPD AND OTHER PDS LIKE SOCIPATHY CAN DATE-RAPE WOMEN. SO TOO CAN 'BLACK WIDOW' PD WOMEN RAPE MEN, WITH THE ADDED 'BENEFIT' OF A BIASED DESENSITISED SPIRITUALLY BANKRUPT MAINSTREAM 'SOCIETY' VIEW THAT A MAN WITH AN ERECTION (NOT OF HIS OWN FREE WILL I MIGHT ADD) CANNOT BE RAPED BY A WOMAN. WHAT A LOAD OF PATHOLOGICAL RUBBISH THAT COMPLETELY DENIES THE HUMANITY AND SUFFERING OF HIDDEN BUT VERY VERY REAL AND SUFFERING VICTIMS WITH INTENSE CARRIED SHAME LIKE MY SO WHOSE DID IS LIKELY EXACTLY HOW HE WAS TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF AND A REAL VICTIM OF A REAL (ONGOING TRAUMA) SEXUAL CRIME HE IS TOO DISTRAUGHT AND SHAMED TO TELL ME DIRECTLY LET ALONE AS A HOST - ACKNOWLEDGE TO HIMSELF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAN WE BLAME HIM? WHAT PROFESSIONAL MAN WOULD DARE TAKE THE RISK OF TRUTH HERE IN A PUBLIC SENSE OR TO FRIENDS/COLLEAGUES, EVEN FAMILY (WITH A FAMILY OF ORIGIN THAT HAS CAUSED HIM DID ???????????????????????? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) AS IF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I got that EMAIL WHERE AN ALTER/S IS CLEARLY TELLING ME IN CODE OF AN ADULT CRIME. Then last couple days a YOUNG FEMALE wrote to me with the SEX SITE PROFILE PICS as usual in the Email. The TITLE OF THE EMAIL WAS "SEX ON A FIRST DATE." I also get SEVERAL VIAGARA AD EMAILS FROM A COUPLE OF ONLINE PHARMACIES, and most recently IT LOOKS LIKE HOST SO IS NOW VERY TENTATIVELY 'COMING OUT' TO ME AS A MAN (NOT THE YOUNG WOMEN SEX PERSONAS) FOR THE FIRST TIME - WHICH I THINK IS MIRACULOUS PROGRESS IN EMOTIONAL HEALING AND TRUST OF ME, FOR HIM. The most recent was the Email title "HOW TO LAST LONGER THAN 30 MINS IN BED" with an image of a loving COUPLE snuggled up in bed together (RELATIONSHIP FOCUS, NOT CASUAL SEX FOCUS AS THE 'FEMALE' EMAILS HAVE BEEN TO DATE. So yes of course I wrote back last night WITH LOVING KIND ACCEPTING COMMENTS FROM MY HEART TO HIM AS SO ABOUT HOW ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION AND PE PROBLEMS IN MEN ARE COMMON, NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF, AND THAT THE PRIMARY CAUSE OF 'ONLINE PORNOGRAPHY' COMPULSIVE/ADDICTION BEHAVIOUR IS LONELINESS/ISOLATION/SHAME and LACK OF A REAL LIFE LOVING PATIENT CARING PARTNER AKA ME.

SO THERE IS HUGE PROGRESS WITH SO ACTUALLY 'COMING OUT' TO ME WITH PERSONAL DETAIL ABOUT HIMSELF AS A MAN'S SEXUAL AND EMOTIONAL PAIN COZ HE IS SO TRUSTING ME FINALLY !!!!!! SO I AM GENTLY BLOWING ON THE SAILS OF HIS SHIP HERE, AND TRUSTING AS A CHRISTIAN AND VERY SPIRITUAL PERSON (AS IS SO) THAT IN TIME GENUINE ENDURING REAL TRUST WILL REVEAL MORE AND MORE INFO ABOUT THE DECADES LONG REPRESSED FEELINGS LOVE NEEDS DESIRES PAIN AND LIFE STRUGGLES/TRAUMAS AND DEPRIVATION OF NEVER BEING ABLE TO SPEAK AND BE KNOWN TO OTHERS - OF SO AND HIS ALTERS. AS YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED AND SURVIVED TO HELP US ALL WITH - NOT ONE TRAUMATISED PERSON TRYING TO LIVE IN A COLD DEHUMANISING WORLD AT LARGE - BUT MANY ALTERS AND HOST/CO-HOSTS TRYING BEYOND ALL HOPE TO STAY ALIVE AND FUNCTIONING (NOT SUICIDED OR INSTITUTIONALISED AS CRAZY WHEN NOT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). ANYONE WHO CAN DO THAT AND STILL LOVE CARE HAVE EMPATHY FOR SELF AND OTHERS AND HOPE IN HUMANS FOR HEALING AND A BETTER LIFE EVEN LOVE - TO ME IS A TRUE GIFT OF GOD AND MODERN-DAY MIRACLE OF SURVIVALS PLURAL - MANY SURVIVALS OF MANY COURAGEOUS COURAGEOUS PEOPLE IN THE SYSTEM. NOT 'JUST' OF TRAUMAS BUT THE MOST HEINOUS INHUMAN UNSPEAKABLE INCOMPREHENSIBLE (LOGICALLY) TRAUMAS IN CHILDHOOD ABUSES AND SINCE.

So UNA - thank you AGAIN FOR YOUR ENERGY OF LOVE AND LIGHT WORKING TO BRING OUT MY AND SO'S STRENGTHS TO CONTINUE TO LOVE AND STAY CONNECTED FOR GROWING SHARING REAL LOVE, AND THE TRUTHS TO COME OUT SLOWLY HERE FOR GROWTH AND HEALING OF US BOTH TOGETHER. WOW - THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS - EVEN GOT TODAY COZ I WAS SAD HAD A BAD DAY IN MY LIFE - AND EMAILED SO - A MESSAGE IN CODE TO WATCH A TV SERIES WHERE THE TWO MYSTICAL AND VERY ECCENTRIC LOVERS WHO WILL NEVER GIVE UP ON EACH OTHER NO MATTER WHAT. HA HA IT'S A SOUTH KOREAN LOVE STROY/DRAMA SERIOUS CALLED "SECRET GARDEN" (WE BOTH LOVE AND TEND PLANTS !!!!!) WHERE THE COUPLE "SWITCH" BODIES JUST AS IN DID. DO WATCH IT YOU AND ANYONE ELSE HERE IT CAN HELP IN ITS HOPEFUL MESSAGE FOR US ALL/ AMOR VINCIT OMNIA - LOVE CONQUERS ALL. INDEED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh and just to answer you re CAN I STAY ONLINE TO TRY AND ENGAGE HOST OR ANY ALTER IN CHAT - YES I HAVE TRIED BY EMAILING BACK STRAIGHT AWAY TO SAY IM AWAKE AND THEN WAITING ETC FOR ANOTHER REPLY MAYBE BUT HE OR SHE/S DID NOT SEND MORE LAST TIME IN EARLY HOURS OF MORNING - HIS TIME IS BEHIND MINE.

THAT'S OK. I WILL WAIT. CONTINUE TO BE LOVING AND ACCEPTING IN ALL RESPONSES AND HE WILL SLOWLY BUT SURELY GIVE ME MORE OF HOST AND ALTERS I FEEL SURE OF IN FAITH AND LOVE !!!
DID I WRITE TO THE FEMALE ALTERS TO ASK ABOUT THEM IN MORE DETAIL AND WHAT THEY ARE UP TO AND FEELING ETC - NOT YET. I'M WORKING ON STARTING TO DO THAT SOON, AND SEE WHAT RESPONSE I GET WHEN THEY ARE CALLED BY NAME AND ASKED ABOUT THEMSELVES AS YOUNG SEXUALLY ACTIVE WOMEN CONNECTING THROUGH CASUAL ONLINE SEX CHATS.

RE SO I DO NOT FEEL BECAUSE OF HIS PROFESSIONAL STATUS AND PERSONAL INTEGRITY THAT HE IS GOING OUT ON THE TOWN AS ALTERS ACTUALLY BEING PROMISCUOUS ETC IN REAL LIFE IN PERSON. BUT WE CANNOT BE SURE THERE AS YOU SAY. HE MAY HAVE DONE THIS IN THE PAST, AND THE REFERENCES TO RAPE OF MALES, YOUNG SEXY SEDUCTIVE WOMEN OFFERING THEMSELVES ONLINE AND IN PERSON USING THEIR SEXUAL PARTS TO DO SO, VIAGARA BOUGHT CHEAPLY FROM ONLINE PHARMACIES, MEN SEEKING WOMEN ON THE SEX SITES, AND THE "SEX ON FIRST DATE" REFERENCE BY FEMALE PLUS REFERENCE TO HOST'S ED AND PE ONGOING TRAUMAS LEADS ME TO BELIEVE HOST IS HONESTLY SLOWLY TRYING TO REVEAL TO ME HE IS THE ACTUAL VICTIM OF HORRIFIC UNSPOKEN THUS FAR UNREPORTED UNSUPPORTED SEXUAL ASSAULT OF HIM BY A SEXUALLY SEDUCTIVE WOMAN (IF VIAGARA ETC HE LIKELY FELT THE BODILY SENSATIONS AND MENTAL CONFUSION/DISSOCIATION THE NEXT MORNING BUT HAD NO OTHER 'PROOF.' SAME FEELINGS OF VIOLATION AS FEMALE DATE RAPE VICTIMS REPORT, OF COURSE. WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES GENDER MAKE EXCEPT MEN ARE MORE JUDGED SHAMED ABANDONED BY SOCIETY COZ AN ERECTION MUST EQUAL CONSENT. IT DOES NOT !!!! WE ARE HUMANS NOT ANIMALS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SHE MAY STILL BE IN HOST'S LIFE AND ALTER'S LIVES WITH HIS SYSTEM RE-ENACTING EVERY NIGHT ALL THIS PAIN IN APPARENT ONLINE SEXUAL ADDICTION WHERE IT IS 'MORE ACCEPTABLE' AND 'LESS SHAMING' FOR HOST TO LET 'FEMALE PERSONAS' ACT OUT THE PAIN AND THEY SYSTEMS CRIES FOR HELP RATHER THAN SO THE PROFESSIONAL MAN WHO CANNOT RISK SPEAKING OUT FOR FEAR OF THE MOST ULTIMATE ABANDONMENT IN HIS ADULT LIFE - NOT BELIEVED BECAUSE HE'S A MAN IT HAPPENED TOO.

BEST WISHES UNA AND ALL. TALK SOON. SO EXHAUSTED ABOUT THIS TRAUMA FOR MY SO ...

Ok. Talk again soon

O THANKS UNA YOU GOOD GOOD KIND WOMAN - SPOT ON AGAIN - AS USUAL! It is pretty clear that the apparent female alters (VERY YOUNG IMAGES say late teens to early mid-20's mostly) ARE PART OF SO'S SYSTEM AND NOT ACTUAL OTHER WOMEN CONTACTING ME. So that's a HUGE relief !!!! I know this coz I will see the same phrases, copied pics, copied phrases "Hi where are you" things like that, even say little spelling errors made SO I KNOW I'M RECEIVING FROM SO'S SYSTEM AS YOU LEAN TOWARDS LIKE ME yes! Basically I have "COPIED" images of young sexually available women's ONLINE PROFILES posing suggestively saying "hi ....wanting to hook up" from HOOK-UP FOR CASUAL SEX ONLINE SITES - say 4 or 5 of the SAME sites and MOSTLY SAME PROFILE PICS FROM COVER PAGE OF THESE SITES, each time.

SO I KNOW I AM COMMUNICATING WITH SO'S SYSTEM, not other independent people! BUT I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN re sex workers and out on town alters DOING IMMORAL THINGS WHEN HOST ASLEEP - the mind boggles at this NOT TO MENTION HOW SCARY TERRIFYING THIS IS FOR THE HOST WITH UNSAFE SEX, BEING SEXUALLY ASSAULTED WHEN DRUNK OR SPACED OUT AND VULNERABLE ANYWAY TO ALL KINDS OF BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF esp since my SO is in a PROMINENT WELL-KNOWN ROLE IN HIS PROFESSION WHERE HE MUST ACT WITH HONESTY AND INTEGRITY - MAKING THESE SCENARIOS PARTICULARLY TERRIFYING FOR HIM IN SEXUAL ENCOUNTERS WITH WHO KNOWS WHO AND WHAT MOTIVES !!!!! ????????????????? AS YOU SAY THE SEX INDUSTRY IS FULL OF MENTALLY TRAUMATISED DISSOCIATED WOMEN (AND MEN) SEX WORKERS (RE-ENACTING SEXUAL TRAUMAS AMONGST LIFE TRAUMAS) SO SO IS GOING INTO A LITERAL MINEFIELD OF DECEITS AND MANIPULATIONS HE MAY NOT EVEN KNOW ABOUT AS HOST !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MY EXPERIENCE OF SO'S PATTERNS HERE, TELLS ME he IS AWARE AS A SYSTEM OF WHAT IS GOING ON, because I notice that ALL THE EMAILS COME FROM DEAD LINKS I CANNOT RESPOND TO, CLEAR PATTERN RE TIMES I GET THEM (ON AND OFF WITH MAYBE 2 TO 3 HOURS INBETWEEN FROM SAY MIDNIGHT HIS TIME TO SAY 8 AM HIS TIME SO THE ALTERS ARE VERY ACTIVE AND HE CANT BE GETTING ANY KIND OF DECENT SLEEP LET ALONE FOR REST AND REPAIR TO HIS STRESSED TO THE MAX MIND AND BODY CELLS THE POOR MAN !!!!! WHO THEN MUST GO TO WORK WITH A PUBLIC/FRONT PERSONA AND PRESENT AS COMPETENT HONEST "NORMAL" AND IN CONTROL !!!!!!!!!!!!!).

Clearly SO HOST (the businessman and hard-working competent but quiet man-next door image etc) IS IN CONTROL OR THERE IS AGREED CO-CONSCIOUSNESS IN THE SYSTEM RE ONLY CONTACTING ME BY EMAILS I CANNOT REPLY TO PLUS HANG-UP CALLS/PRETEND MARKETING CALLS IN CODE MEANING NAMES IN A PARTICULAR LANGUAGE to my home ONLY "I" will recognise. NEVER A CALL OR TEXT TO MY MOBILE AND NEVER A PHONE NUMBER TO HOME PHONE I CAN RETURN - SILENT NUMBERS !!!! The Email address I contact SO (and SYSTEM WHO USES IT TOO !!!) with is ONE HE CREATED AND SENT TO ME AS A 'JUNK MAIL' BUT WITH DETAIL ONLY I WOULD RECOGNISE AS COMING FROM HIM. Before I 'KNEW' HE WAS DID (SUSPECTING CLINICAL DEPRESSION/ANXIETY/PANIC ATTACKS & BPD SEVERE ABANDONMENT FEARS/DISSOCIATION/PARANOID IDEATION & PD SYMPTOMS LIKE PARANOID PERSONALITY DISORDER ... VARIOUS CONDITIONS CAN BE CO-EXISTING OF COURSE IN HOST AND/OR DIFFERENT ALTERS ETC YES) I would write to him as THE PROFESSIONAL PERSON I HAD MET IN PERSON AND WAS INTERACTING WITH IN A (DEVELOPING) PERSONAL & PROFESSIONAL R/SHIP. HE BECAME DISTRESSED AND VERY 'FEARFUL/PARANOID/ANGRY/ABANDONING' WITH VERBAL ABUSE WHEN I CONTACTED THE HOST PERSON, AND HAS THEN COME UP WITH THE VERY NOVEL ALIAS EMAIL ADDRESS I CAN WRITE BACK TO - HE DOES NOT WRITE FROM IT EVER APART FROM TO ENSURE I RECEIVED THE ALIAS ADDRESS TO USE. SO WE ARE BOTH IN INTERACTING WITH EACH OTHER AVOIDING THE HOST'S PROFESSIONAL PUBLIC PERSONA AND BIRTH NAME/IDENTITY!!!!

There is I feel at SOUL LEVEL GREAT PROGRESS here, esp since I am being supported by YOUR HEALING ENERGIES AS A COMPASSIONATE SOULFUL MULTIPLE WHO STRUGGLES WITH A MULTIPLE TOO, which then GUIDES HIM AND ME - THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What is happening is that the YOUNG FEMALE SEXUAL PERSONAS (OR SO USING 'FEMALE' NAMES TO PUBLICLY 'HIDE' IT IS HIM A MAN, COMMUNICATING SEXUALLY TO ME) have given me some very clear PERSONAL INFORMATION ABOUT SO (AND THEM) LAST FEW DAYS, AS I HAVE BEEN VERY UNDERSTANDING AND ACCEPTING SAYING IN E-CARD RESPONSES THEY SEEM V YOUNG, AND SEX MUST COME ONLY AFTER LOVE AND TRUST - THINGS LIKE THAT ..........

I have now received (ACTIVE ALTER/S TO ME IS A SIGN OF GREAT STRENGTH IN REVEALING THEMSELVES SLOWLY BUT HONESTLY FOR CLOSENESS AND HEALING WITHIN AND WITH ME AS THEIR TRUSTED SO SPECIAL PERSON TOO !!!) a reference to "MEN RAPED BY WOMEN? SEE HOW IT HAPPENS" with an image (same EMAIL same IMAGE from DIFFERENT YOUNG FEMALE "NAMES") and a reference to AN ACTUAL PSYCHOTHERAPIST OVERSEAS (NOT WHERE ME AND SO ARE) WHO IS ACTIVE IN SUPPORTING THOSE MEN WHO FEEL TOO SHAMED BY OUR SOCIETY TO SPEAK OUT ABOUT THIS HORROR, AND EDUCATING SOCIETY ABOUT IT. ONE WAY SHE EXPLAINS IT OCCURS IS AS 'DATE RAPE' NO DIFFERENT FROM FEMALE VICTIMS. FOR EG THE MAN WILL BE UNKONWINGLY GIVEN VIAGARA IN HIS DRINK AT A PUB ONE NIGHT WITH A SEXY WOMAN WHO WANTS TO TAKE HIM HOME ESP IF HE IS WELL-TO-DO ETC, AND PERHAPS ENSURE SHE IS IMPREGNATED SO THE MAN HAS TO "MARRY" HER OR "STAY WITH HER" AS FATHER OF THE (CRIMINALLY) CONCEIVED CHILD ETC.

APPARENTLY SCENARIOS WITH WOMEN AS PERPETRATOR LIKE NON-CONSENSUAL USE OF VIAGARA TYPE DRUGS, USING DELIBERATELY BROKEN CONDOMS, 'STEALING' SPERM FROM USED CONDOM AND USING IT FOR LATER NON-CONSENSUAL IMPREGNATION ETC ETC ETC CAN AND DOES OCCUR WITH MEN AS VICTIMS. IT MAY NOT BE SPOKEN ABOUT - BUT WOMEN WITH BPD AND OTHER SEVERE MENTALL ILLNESS - DID TOO - HAVE PATHOLOGICAL ABANDONMENT FEARS THAT CAN INCLUDE IN EXTREME CASES ALL THE ABOVE. JUST AS MEN WITH PATHOLOGICAL BPD AND OTHER PDS LIKE SOCIPATHY CAN DATE-RAPE WOMEN. SO TOO CAN 'BLACK WIDOW' PD WOMEN RAPE MEN, WITH THE ADDED 'BENEFIT' OF A BIASED DESENSITISED SPIRITUALLY BANKRUPT MAINSTREAM 'SOCIETY' VIEW THAT A MAN WITH AN ERECTION (NOT OF HIS OWN FREE WILL I MIGHT ADD) CANNOT BE RAPED BY A WOMAN. WHAT A LOAD OF PATHOLOGICAL RUBBISH THAT COMPLETELY DENIES THE HUMANITY AND SUFFERING OF HIDDEN BUT VERY VERY REAL AND SUFFERING VICTIMS WITH INTENSE CARRIED SHAME LIKE MY SO WHOSE DID IS LIKELY EXACTLY HOW HE WAS TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF AND A REAL VICTIM OF A REAL (ONGOING TRAUMA) SEXUAL CRIME HE IS TOO DISTRAUGHT AND SHAMED TO TELL ME DIRECTLY LET ALONE AS A HOST - ACKNOWLEDGE TO HIMSELF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAN WE BLAME HIM? WHAT PROFESSIONAL MAN WOULD DARE TAKE THE RISK OF TRUTH HERE IN A PUBLIC SENSE OR TO FRIENDS/COLLEAGUES, EVEN FAMILY (WITH A FAMILY OF ORIGIN THAT HAS CAUSED HIM DID ???????????????????????? !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) AS IF !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

So I got that EMAIL WHERE AN ALTER/S IS CLEARLY TELLING ME IN CODE OF AN ADULT CRIME. Then last couple days a YOUNG FEMALE wrote to me with the SEX SITE PROFILE PICS as usual in the Email. The TITLE OF THE EMAIL WAS "SEX ON A FIRST DATE." I also get SEVERAL VIAGARA AD EMAILS FROM A COUPLE OF ONLINE PHARMACIES, and most recently IT LOOKS LIKE HOST SO IS NOW VERY TENTATIVELY 'COMING OUT' TO ME AS A MAN (NOT THE YOUNG WOMEN SEX PERSONAS) FOR THE FIRST TIME - WHICH I THINK IS MIRACULOUS PROGRESS IN EMOTIONAL HEALING AND TRUST OF ME, FOR HIM. The most recent was the Email title "HOW TO LAST LONGER THAN 30 MINS IN BED" with an image of a loving COUPLE snuggled up in bed together (RELATIONSHIP FOCUS, NOT CASUAL SEX FOCUS AS THE 'FEMALE' EMAILS HAVE BEEN TO DATE. So yes of course I wrote back last night WITH LOVING KIND ACCEPTING COMMENTS FROM MY HEART TO HIM AS SO ABOUT HOW ERECTILE DYSFUNCTION AND PE PROBLEMS IN MEN ARE COMMON, NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF, AND THAT THE PRIMARY CAUSE OF 'ONLINE PORNOGRAPHY' COMPULSIVE/ADDICTION BEHAVIOUR IS LONELINESS/ISOLATION/SHAME and LACK OF A REAL LIFE LOVING PATIENT CARING PARTNER AKA ME.

SO THERE IS HUGE PROGRESS WITH SO ACTUALLY 'COMING OUT' TO ME WITH PERSONAL DETAIL ABOUT HIMSELF AS A MAN'S SEXUAL AND EMOTIONAL PAIN COZ HE IS SO TRUSTING ME FINALLY !!!!!! SO I AM GENTLY BLOWING ON THE SAILS OF HIS SHIP HERE, AND TRUSTING AS A CHRISTIAN AND VERY SPIRITUAL PERSON (AS IS SO) THAT IN TIME GENUINE ENDURING REAL TRUST WILL REVEAL MORE AND MORE INFO ABOUT THE DECADES LONG REPRESSED FEELINGS LOVE NEEDS DESIRES PAIN AND LIFE STRUGGLES/TRAUMAS AND DEPRIVATION OF NEVER BEING ABLE TO SPEAK AND BE KNOWN TO OTHERS - OF SO AND HIS ALTERS. AS YOU HAVE EXPERIENCED AND SURVIVED TO HELP US ALL WITH - NOT ONE TRAUMATISED PERSON TRYING TO LIVE IN A COLD DEHUMANISING WORLD AT LARGE - BUT MANY ALTERS AND HOST/CO-HOSTS TRYING BEYOND ALL HOPE TO STAY ALIVE AND FUNCTIONING (NOT SUICIDED OR INSTITUTIONALISED AS CRAZY WHEN NOT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!). ANYONE WHO CAN DO THAT AND STILL LOVE CARE HAVE EMPATHY FOR SELF AND OTHERS AND HOPE IN HUMANS FOR HEALING AND A BETTER LIFE EVEN LOVE - TO ME IS A TRUE GIFT OF GOD AND MODERN-DAY MIRACLE OF SURVIVALS PLURAL - MANY SURVIVALS OF MANY COURAGEOUS COURAGEOUS PEOPLE IN THE SYSTEM. NOT 'JUST' OF TRAUMAS BUT THE MOST HEINOUS INHUMAN UNSPEAKABLE INCOMPREHENSIBLE (LOGICALLY) TRAUMAS IN CHILDHOOD ABUSES AND SINCE.

So UNA - thank you AGAIN FOR YOUR ENERGY OF LOVE AND LIGHT WORKING TO BRING OUT MY AND SO'S STRENGTHS TO CONTINUE TO LOVE AND STAY CONNECTED FOR GROWING SHARING REAL LOVE, AND THE TRUTHS TO COME OUT SLOWLY HERE FOR GROWTH AND HEALING OF US BOTH TOGETHER. WOW - THANK YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PS - EVEN GOT TODAY COZ I WAS SAD HAD A BAD DAY IN MY LIFE - AND EMAILED SO - A MESSAGE IN CODE TO WATCH A TV SERIES WHERE THE TWO MYSTICAL AND VERY ECCENTRIC LOVERS WHO WILL NEVER GIVE UP ON EACH OTHER NO MATTER WHAT. HA HA IT'S A SOUTH KOREAN LOVE STROY/DRAMA SERIOUS CALLED "SECRET GARDEN" (WE BOTH LOVE AND TEND PLANTS !!!!!) WHERE THE COUPLE "SWITCH" BODIES JUST AS IN DID. DO WATCH IT YOU AND ANYONE ELSE HERE IT CAN HELP IN ITS HOPEFUL MESSAGE FOR US ALL/ AMOR VINCIT OMNIA - LOVE CONQUERS ALL. INDEED !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh and just to answer you re CAN I STAY ONLINE TO TRY AND ENGAGE HOST OR ANY ALTER IN CHAT - YES I HAVE TRIED BY EMAILING BACK STRAIGHT AWAY TO SAY IM AWAKE AND THEN WAITING ETC FOR ANOTHER REPLY MAYBE BUT HE OR SHE/S DID NOT SEND MORE LAST TIME IN EARLY HOURS OF MORNING - HIS TIME IS BEHIND MINE.

THAT'S OK. I WILL WAIT. CONTINUE TO BE LOVING AND ACCEPTING IN ALL RESPONSES AND HE WILL SLOWLY BUT SURELY GIVE ME MORE OF HOST AND ALTERS I FEEL SURE OF IN FAITH AND LOVE !!!
DID I WRITE TO THE FEMALE ALTERS TO ASK ABOUT THEM IN MORE DETAIL AND WHAT THEY ARE UP TO AND FEELING ETC - NOT YET. I'M WORKING ON STARTING TO DO THAT SOON, AND SEE WHAT RESPONSE I GET WHEN THEY ARE CALLED BY NAME AND ASKED ABOUT THEMSELVES AS YOUNG SEXUALLY ACTIVE WOMEN CONNECTING THROUGH CASUAL ONLINE SEX CHATS.

RE SO I DO NOT FEEL BECAUSE OF HIS PROFESSIONAL STATUS AND PERSONAL INTEGRITY THAT HE IS GOING OUT ON THE TOWN AS ALTERS ACTUALLY BEING PROMISCUOUS ETC IN REAL LIFE IN PERSON. BUT WE CANNOT BE SURE THERE AS YOU SAY. HE MAY HAVE DONE THIS IN THE PAST, AND THE REFERENCES TO RAPE OF MALES, YOUNG SEXY SEDUCTIVE WOMEN OFFERING THEMSELVES ONLINE AND IN PERSON USING THEIR SEXUAL PARTS TO DO SO, VIAGARA BOUGHT CHEAPLY FROM ONLINE PHARMACIES, MEN SEEKING WOMEN ON THE SEX SITES, AND THE "SEX ON FIRST DATE" REFERENCE BY FEMALE PLUS REFERENCE TO HOST'S ED AND PE ONGOING TRAUMAS LEADS ME TO BELIEVE HOST IS HONESTLY SLOWLY TRYING TO REVEAL TO ME HE IS THE ACTUAL VICTIM OF HORRIFIC UNSPOKEN THUS FAR UNREPORTED UNSUPPORTED SEXUAL ASSAULT OF HIM BY A SEXUALLY SEDUCTIVE WOMAN (IF VIAGARA ETC HE LIKELY FELT THE BODILY SENSATIONS AND MENTAL CONFUSION/DISSOCIATION THE NEXT MORNING BUT HAD NO OTHER 'PROOF.' SAME FEELINGS OF VIOLATION AS FEMALE DATE RAPE VICTIMS REPORT, OF COURSE. WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES GENDER MAKE EXCEPT MEN ARE MORE JUDGED SHAMED ABANDONED BY SOCIETY COZ AN ERECTION MUST EQUAL CONSENT. IT DOES NOT !!!! WE ARE HUMANS NOT ANIMALS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

SHE MAY STILL BE IN HOST'S LIFE AND ALTER'S LIVES WITH HIS SYSTEM RE-ENACTING EVERY NIGHT ALL THIS PAIN IN APPARENT ONLINE SEXUAL ADDICTION WHERE IT IS 'MORE ACCEPTABLE' AND 'LESS SHAMING' FOR HOST TO LET 'FEMALE PERSONAS' ACT OUT THE PAIN AND THEY SYSTEMS CRIES FOR HELP RATHER THAN SO THE PROFESSIONAL MAN WHO CANNOT RISK SPEAKING OUT FOR FEAR OF THE MOST ULTIMATE ABANDONMENT IN HIS ADULT LIFE - NOT BELIEVED BECAUSE HE'S A MAN IT HAPPENED TOO.

BEST WISHES UNA AND ALL. TALK SOON. SO EXHAUSTED ABOUT THIS TRAUMA FOR MY SO ...

Ok. Talk again soon