the exact event that created the DID-important?

I mean, is it useful to go back and look into what particular event kept your neurons from integrating?

I have a suspicion due to flashbacks and heavy relivin the situation, broken images as in a mirror and intense panic attacks and dissociation.

But is it worth it to explore it to the fullest? My mom wants to think about what could ve happened in those years.

As said, i have a suspicion, not sure if I want to share that with her. I know she ll be upset.

So .... could anything good come out of this?

any trauma memory, flashback, etc., needs to be worked on, processed, and healed from.

i don't think people usually remember, at least not very clearly, or know for certain, the specific event that started the development of DID, but if they did, that's considered a trauma memory, and like any other trauma memory, it should be processed and worked through so that one can properly and fully heal from it.

it's not important to know what caused/started the DID to develop for a person, though.





- cassie (age ?)

We have focused some on it, because it's helped us to understand each alter.

*trigger*
For instance the first memory R has (our 1 year old) is a very specific abuse memory that she has been able to share with us.

The neurons she was created from was of course there from beforehand (I mean, no one thinks neurons come out of nowhere) but what created the amnesiastic barrier will of course be important on some level at least.
*end*

I think it's something that you have to decide for yourself what you need or want. Some of us have some memories from before they split, before they were fully formed, but others have a very distinct first memory and have a need to share it. It all depends on you and your others

Best of luck

I guess ... it s so unclear!

Ever since age 14 I felt somethin was wrong with me but couldn t tell what. Then the images began. Flashbacks? Don t know what to call them. Very few over time.

Then, after havin had surgery, I felt as if I was boiling. Somethin wanted to come out.

I surrended, and what I saw was ... I can t describe it. It s just too. No, it didn t happen. No I can t these it s lies lies lies
no please Indie please don t cry I believe you I just can ttake this in I can t stop showin the face no please no more Indie I m tryin to make sense

it s not real.. abuse is not real. it doesn t exist and that s the end of it.

STOP THE IMAGES indie. Elf, help me here, elf where are you elf elf elf

-- Wed Mar 13, 2013 7:43 pm --

it s safe. You just wanted to say your mom wants to look into your past since she contacted a psychiatrist for you at age nine cause you were trigger warning automutilating.

And you re scared for her reaction, for her replies and for the images.

Indie, you are safe hunni, you have your space. Keep sharin. We can deal with it. I know you re scared of me, but I love you and want you to know i want to be there for you too as for the others.

We all have an earliest trauma that we have flashbacks about, or abreact, or recover in therapy, or are told about by our parents or some other adult. That is the "first" traumatic event as far as we know. But is that the event that caused our multiplicity? No one knows. In all the many hundreds of case reports I have read, no one really knows. Does it matter? I don't think so.

Parents often want, even desperately need, to construct a narrative story that explains how come things are the way they are. But you do not have to participate in that construction activity unless you want to.

Nina11 wrote:it s not real.. abuse is not real. it doesn t exist and that s the end of it.

no one wants to or finds it easy to admit that it is real, but unfortunately, it is.


- cassie (age ?)

deep breaths.

abuse exists.

how can I live in a world where suffering is so present?

february march april it has to becomoe april to plant the

you re here on t he bed it s march

theimages. I ve watched them Indie. Please. It s late. no more.

the pain, as a blanket. light is gone. where to hold on to? please i m drownin

you have already been living in a world where such suffering is present. and you've been surviving. and you've made it this far, so you're definitely strong enough to survive anything life has to throw at you.

deep breaths, try to ground yourself. you're safe, you are ok, those things happened in the past, they're not happening now, you are ok now, you are safe now. maybe try to listen to some happy music, or put on a happy/funny movie, or cuddle up with a blanket or pillow or stuffed animal, or something like that.

*safe hugs if wanted*

- cassie (age ?)

Try to take deep breaths and do something to comfort yourself. Is there anything you can do to feel safer? It's March in 2013 now. Can you try some grounding exercises or something that helps you?

Thinking of you. (safe hugs) if wanted.

I shouldn t have talked to my mom.

I see his face. I see his face. I see his face.

THere s air now. I can breathe. There is air. There is air.

Got some music. Cherry pit cushion.

Hugs much appreciated.

I feel haunted. March. It s March. March. I m on the bed. I m on the bed.