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About the names of alters?

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About the names of alters?

Postby MeAndWings » Fri Feb 01, 2013 9:21 am

I've read that it isn't good to name your alter, that it's better to let them decide their own name... I don't know really, because with my first one, she didn't have a name (at least she didn't tell me). And so I got her a name. Lets call her E for now (I'm not sure how much she's comfortable sharing). And then I have another alter (lets call him/her R), a protector, that came around a lot later than E.

About four years ago I "got" E, and then I'm not sure for how long R has been around, but it's maybe a year or so. It's just recently that I've gotten to know him/her a bit better, though. Anyways, I decided a name for both E and R - I find it much easier if they have names. Could they be sad that I've given them names you think? Was it wrong of me?

Anyways, I've got a question. How was it for you with your alter(s)? Did they have names or did you come up with one? And if so, how did you do it? For me, E was pretty easy because I felt like it should be a name on the letter E, and for R, I looked up a name with the meaning of "cold/ice" on the internet, because that's how I'd describe him/her.
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Re: About the names of alters?

Postby ManyHearts » Fri Feb 01, 2013 9:32 am

You indeed have to make them choose their own names, but if they don't have a name yet you can always suggest a few names and allow them to choose the one they feel the most comfortable with. If they don't feel comfortable with any of them, you just have to get another few names. It is not good if you force them to have a name, and if they don't want to have a name you'd have to accept that too. If that's the case, you can always ask them how you'd have to call them. Can be a letter, or a number, or a random word if they'd like that.

With us the names were mostly already there, nearly everyone had a name they felt comfortable with. With some we had to look for a name. Maya eventually ended up copying the name of someone we knew in real life, same with Amber. Abby got a name recently by looking through a list of names we suggested. Katie was caled Katelyn first, the same name as a friend of ours. But she wanted to be a different person, so she changed Katelyn into Katie. (yet most of the littles call her Kitty, I can't figure out why, guess it's easier for them.) Destiny chose the word "destiny" as her name, but that seems te be a valid name these days too. Maya first had the name 'Hope", but that too seems to be a name these days.

- Claire
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Re: About the names of alters?

Postby MeAndWings » Fri Feb 01, 2013 10:55 am

ManyHearts wrote:You indeed have to make them choose their own names, but if they don't have a name yet you can always suggest a few names and allow them to choose the one they feel the most comfortable with. If they don't feel comfortable with any of them, you just have to get another few names. It is not good if you force them to have a name, and if they don't want to have a name you'd have to accept that too. If that's the case, you can always ask them how you'd have to call them. Can be a letter, or a number, or a random word if they'd like that.

With us the names were mostly already there, nearly everyone had a name they felt comfortable with. With some we had to look for a name. Maya eventually ended up copying the name of someone we knew in real life, same with Amber. Abby got a name recently by looking through a list of names we suggested. Katie was caled Katelyn first, the same name as a friend of ours. But she wanted to be a different person, so she changed Katelyn into Katie. (yet most of the littles call her Kitty, I can't figure out why, guess it's easier for them.) Destiny chose the word "destiny" as her name, but that seems te be a valid name these days too. Maya first had the name 'Hope", but that too seems to be a name these days.

- Claire


So what should I do? Should I stop calling them by their "name" and wait for them to suggest a name of their own? And if they don't maybe make a list of names?

And what if they don't say anything? We don't communicate that much, I don't know them that well, honestly... I don't know anything about them except from what their purposes are and what they do.
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Re: About the names of alters?

Postby ManyHearts » Fri Feb 01, 2013 11:12 am

If they're okay with the name you gave them you can just keep calling them by that name, so firstly you'd have to figure out if they like their current name. If they don't, you can make that list, so they can choose one themselves. If they don't like to talk, you can always ask them to point at a specific name, write something down, put a circle around a name, whetever rows your boat.

Also try to get in contact with them, we did that through acceptance. By accepting the others to be what they want to be we managed to get great contact with most of the alters. Everyone communicates on their own way, most by talking, some by writing, others through music/songs, Amber is learning sign language now. By accepting the way they are and the way they would like to talk to you, you might get quite good contact.

- Claire
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Re: About the names of alters?

Postby lifelongthing » Fri Feb 01, 2013 11:31 am

I agree with ManyHearts: find out if they are comfortable with the names. If they are then it's good, if not give them the option of having non or choosing another or just not telling theirs to you (they might have one but not want to share it yet etc). :)
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Re: About the names of alters?

Postby MeAndWings » Fri Feb 01, 2013 3:14 pm

ManyHearts wrote:If they're okay with the name you gave them you can just keep calling them by that name, so firstly you'd have to figure out if they like their current name. If they don't, you can make that list, so they can choose one themselves. If they don't like to talk, you can always ask them to point at a specific name, write something down, put a circle around a name, whetever rows your boat.

Also try to get in contact with them, we did that through acceptance. By accepting the others to be what they want to be we managed to get great contact with most of the alters. Everyone communicates on their own way, most by talking, some by writing, others through music/songs, Amber is learning sign language now. By accepting the way they are and the way they would like to talk to you, you might get quite good contact.

- Claire


Thank you for your good advices.

The thing is, none of them has been "out", so I don't know about that... We've been co-hosting and co-concious a bit though. Feel like it was a long time ago. I just get a bit frustrated because I want them to be OK with things and I don't want them to feel like I'm deciding everything for them, but they're not really telling me anything, which makes it so hard...

If they were out and we were switching, then it'd be easier for us to communicate. I'm thinking that maybe I could talk to them even though they're not giving me an answer? I really want to give them space and want them to know that if they don't want to talk then that's fine. You think that talking could work? Like, talking to "myself", and maybe they're listening? Could it work with writing too? And thoughts?

I just feel like I don't want to force them to answer me or anything, but knowing so little about them makes me frustrated... I feel like I don't know how to help them or how to get a better connection with them. It's hard. :|
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Re: About the names of alters?

Postby lifelongthing » Fri Feb 01, 2013 3:50 pm

You might not hear their replies, even if they do reply. And just like you might not hear them, they might not hear you. So this would equate you should definitely keep talking. Sometime they might hear it and sometime they might answer :)
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Re: About the names of alters?

Postby ManyHearts » Fri Feb 01, 2013 4:23 pm

I totally agree with LifeLongThing :)
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Re: About the names of alters?

Postby tomboy24 » Fri Feb 01, 2013 4:59 pm

All of my alters chose their own name except for Ray. Ray was named by my boyfriend, since he was the first one to meet her. He gave her a list of options/ideas he had, and she chose Ray.

Most of my alters have "name-searched" through me. I've found myself looking up baby names and name meanings on the internet and been like, "Hmm...ok?". The names I find and save usually end up belonging to alters that soon surface/come forward. (Sometimes they'll save a couple name options and then end up choosing one from the options they liked).

Before I knew I had DID, I just figured I was looking for names for characters in my writings.

You might not be able to hear them right now, or communications might need some work before you can write/talk to them, or they might be a bit scared to actually truly come forward still. There could be many reasons for why they're seeming to not give you answers. They also might be content with the names you gave them, and that's fine, too. It might just take some time to actually find out. All your questions won't magically be answered over night.

To communicate you can try talking out loud to yourself/your alters, talking in your head (so, with thoughts) to yourself/your alters, or writing/typing notes to your alters.
Try doing this before trying communication though: Make yourself feel as safe, comfortable, and relaxed as possible. Anything like a safety blanket or favorite comfy clothes or something wear/have with you. The more safe, comfortable, and relaxed you feel, the more comfortable your alters might feel. And the more calm your mind is, the less chance there is of being communication interference and subconscious "mind blocks". Reassure yourself and them a bit, too. Let them know they're safe, it's safe to talk if they wish to, you're safe, the environment's safe (if it is), everything's safe and ok, and you only want to help/get to know them, and it's ok for them to come forward if they feel ok with it. Lots of times alters and systems are wary because they've spent so long hiding, they have to be reassure that it's ok to be known now, it's ok to come out now. You can handle this now.

My alters picked their names either from researching name meanings (like Kat used to go by "Kataki" which is Japanese for "revenge"), or from baby name lists, or from other influences like movies I really liked or favorite books of our's or something like that. Like Dallas, his name came from the book "The Outsiders". Damone's name came from the movie "Fast Times At Ridgemont High". Valera's name is a Russian name that means "strong". Cassie's name came from the nickname I used to go by as a kid. Lynn's name is my middle name. Marie's name was my mom's middle name. There's all sorts of different options for where names can be picked from and come from, and sometimes there's reason behind the name, and sometimes they just like the name. Long as they're ok with the name, that's all that matters.


-Cassandra
| Cassandra; Kat/Kataki; Rain/Riyoku; Shay/Shadow; L.C. & Luna; Ray; Cassie; Lynn |
| Prism |
| Marie; Valera; Phenix (Rebel); Dallas & Damone; Kyra; "Blank"; Bridgette; Cassidy |
| "Hannibal"; "Big Ryan"/Ryan; Keith/"Little Ryan"; Kuro |
| Hawk ; The Doctor |
| Aurora (mermaid), werewolf, silent one, black ponytail, Kichijoten, The Master |
| Maiingan |
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Re: About the names of alters?

Postby MeAndWings » Fri Feb 01, 2013 8:27 pm

lifelongthing wrote:You might not hear their replies, even if they do reply. And just like you might not hear them, they might not hear you. So this would equate you should definitely keep talking. Sometime they might hear it and sometime they might answer :)


Interesting thing you wrote. I read an article somewhere about that alters communicate in lots of different ways and that you should be open for everything - just because you talk to them doesn't mean they'll necessarily talk to you, some alters maybe express themselves better through writing/drawing etc. It could be that the answers are right in front of you without you even notice. I don't understand though - if they don't hear me and I don't hear them, why would I talk to them? :| You mean that just because they don't hear me/I don't hear them at first, doesn't mean that they'll never hear me/I'll never hear them?

tomboy24 wrote:All of my alters chose their own name except for Ray. Ray was named by my boyfriend, since he was the first one to meet her. He gave her a list of options/ideas he had, and she chose Ray.

Most of my alters have "name-searched" through me. I've found myself looking up baby names and name meanings on the internet and been like, "Hmm...ok?". The names I find and save usually end up belonging to alters that soon surface/come forward. (Sometimes they'll save a couple name options and then end up choosing one from the options they liked).

Before I knew I had DID, I just figured I was looking for names for characters in my writings.

You might not be able to hear them right now, or communications might need some work before you can write/talk to them, or they might be a bit scared to actually truly come forward still. There could be many reasons for why they're seeming to not give you answers. They also might be content with the names you gave them, and that's fine, too. It might just take some time to actually find out. All your questions won't magically be answered over night.

To communicate you can try talking out loud to yourself/your alters, talking in your head (so, with thoughts) to yourself/your alters, or writing/typing notes to your alters.
Try doing this before trying communication though: Make yourself feel as safe, comfortable, and relaxed as possible. Anything like a safety blanket or favorite comfy clothes or something wear/have with you. The more safe, comfortable, and relaxed you feel, the more comfortable your alters might feel. And the more calm your mind is, the less chance there is of being communication interference and subconscious "mind blocks". Reassure yourself and them a bit, too. Let them know they're safe, it's safe to talk if they wish to, you're safe, the environment's safe (if it is), everything's safe and ok, and you only want to help/get to know them, and it's ok for them to come forward if they feel ok with it. Lots of times alters and systems are wary because they've spent so long hiding, they have to be reassure that it's ok to be known now, it's ok to come out now. You can handle this now.

My alters picked their names either from researching name meanings (like Kat used to go by "Kataki" which is Japanese for "revenge"), or from baby name lists, or from other influences like movies I really liked or favorite books of our's or something like that. Like Dallas, his name came from the book "The Outsiders". Damone's name came from the movie "Fast Times At Ridgemont High". Valera's name is a Russian name that means "strong". Cassie's name came from the nickname I used to go by as a kid. Lynn's name is my middle name. Marie's name was my mom's middle name. There's all sorts of different options for where names can be picked from and come from, and sometimes there's reason behind the name, and sometimes they just like the name. Long as they're ok with the name, that's all that matters.


-Cassandra


Thank you, this is very interesting and helpful info! Especially on how to talk to them.

Can it ever be "too late" to get to know your alters? I've searched a bit on how to communicate with alters before but I haven't really had time or have taken the effort to actually do something. Your idea with feeling safe and comfortable sounds good, wearing comfy clothes etc. You think it could be a good idea to try to have a day of the week/of the month (depending on when is a good opportunity) when I sit down like that and talk a bit? Maybe sharing things with them from my daily life/thoughts about ourselves etc? I'm thinking that maybe that way they'll feel like I'm giving them a time where it's just them and me, that we can really be together. And by talking about things maybe they feel like I'm trusting them, or at least appreciating them/letting them know that I see them.

About the environment. At mom's there's no time to have this kind of conversation/time with them. I have to do it at dad's at night, because then no one will be up and I can be on my own. On the other hand bad things has happened in the past at dad's... You think maybe that will trigger anyone? At mom's it's not very safe now though, so maybe it's an even bigger trigger being there... But that's not an option anyways (I have no time alone there).

The thing is no one in my family knows about this multiplicity-thing. In the past I tried telling them about it but one of my alters was very scared and didn't want me to, but when I did because I couldn't handle being alone with it, I got no support from family or anyone. They thought I was crazy and said it was only thoughts and feelings, which hurt this alter that didn't want me to talk about it in the first place, a lot... Anyways that's a whole other story. I'm just explaining in case anyone wonders why I have to have these "meetings" with my alters at night/when no one knows.
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