Coming out to my parents

I'm planning on coming out to my parents today. I was planning on printing out some stuff, but I might need some resources to introduce simpletons to the amazing world of DID.
Btw, my parents are really skeptical about stuff that's not the norm, so some help?
* * *
Some background...
Me and my sister, Arie, were born really early. 2 or 3 months early, I was born at 1lb., 6oz. Arie was born at 1lb. 2 oz. and even got under a pound once.
My sister had seizures up to the age of about 6 or 7, though I don't remember when she started having them. One really vivid memory: We were just hanging out downstairs (I forget what we were doing) and my sister starting seizing. Mom called 911 and even though I didn't cry I was really scared. The EMT's had to put an oxygen mask on Arie and they took her to the hospital. My mom went, so I had to stay at home with my dad and I got to see her the next day.
* * *
More info
When I switch, I always maintain some level of co-consciousness with my alters, even it's like a trigger or something. Most of the time, if an alter is completely out, I'll have an extreme feeling of depersonalization while they're out, as if I'm still in the body and they've pushed me out.
We don't really have any different facial expressions compared to me, no handwriting differences. (Some of the alters handwriting is a little different from mine in terms of neatness)
Defining personality traits, if you saw Shadow and Ivory's posts.
There's really nothing else, but if you have any questions, just ask!
-Faith

Congrats on being so brave! We wish you the best of luck with this!

Here are two resource websites that you should be able to find good stuff to print off that will help you explain. (Or even show them the websites themselves. And if they question their credibility, all information is cited and credible, and both sites have been approved of by Tom Cloyd, a credible psychotherapist with an MA and an MS. His site is here if they want to see for themselves: http://www.tomcloyd.com/).

The two resource websites:
http://www.dissociative-identity-disorder.net/
http://www.dissociative-identity-disorder.org/



And then, I'm going to copy&paste part of a reply Hawk wrote on another thread (hope that's ok), discussing how to talk to others about DID (mainly significant others, but perhaps the advice will be helpful with your situation anyway). I'll try to edit it a bit so it fits your situation more.

"As far as significant others go, Cassandra simply told Mike that she had something she wanted to talk to him about, and then she just laid out everything slowly, clearly, and bluntly. She started with telling him what DID was (Dissociative Identity Disorder), how it used to be called MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder- more people remember MPD than DID), and how it's caused/how it's a coping mechanism for trauma. (She used PTSD as an example of dissociation, and it helped the DID seem "more real" since PTSD is a similar, more well-known dissociative disorder). She then explained what purposes alters serve (protection, guidance, holding trauma memories, etc), and then proceeded to explain her own alters/system. Then she answered any questions that he had.

I've heard that we've read that others here have done things such as print out stuff from resource websites to help explain DID to their partners, or drawn out diagrams to help give them a visualization (such as a person figure made into a pie chart with different names and such), or wrote a letter for their SO's to read in person because it was too difficult for them to verbally talk about it. I would try to think of a way that is easiest for you, and seems like it'd make the most sense to your SO. Perhaps treat it like a speech, and write out an outline so that you can practice a bit before actually telling her (again)?

One of the things that Cassandra also did was she showed Mike examples of different handwritings, different writing styles from things typed on the computer, different art styles (like Cassie's drawings versus L.C.'s drawings), stuff like that. Perhaps you could do something similar, such as maybe print out things you and others have typed/written that show differences? Or if any of you have drawn pictures of yourselves/others, maybe you could show those to her?

Another thing Cassandra did a bit later on that was effective was having everyone write about themselves in their own font style of choice. Their name, their age, a bit about their personality/how they are, what they like, what they want out of life, etc. Then she let Mike read it. It helped him to see just how different we can be despite being parts of the same person, and helped him to get to know everyone a bit better. And the more someone knows/understands about something, the less they're going to doubt it, or feel confused about it, or fear it.


Here's two threads that might be helpful, if not at least interesting, to you:
-- How do you tell someone you have DID?: [url]dissociative-identity/topic71699.html[/url]
-- Finally told our Grandma: [url]dissociative-identity/topic98471.html[/url]

And one last thing. This is a quote from Kat (from another thread), as she was giving someone advice about this very subject (the major difference being, this person's partner thought this person was faking DID when they weren't, but her advice is still relevant to your situation): "You're not f*#king faking it, and don't let ANYONE convince you or try to tell you otherwise. They're not you, they don't know what goes on with you or in your head, they can't f*#king understand or know you like you do, so don't listen to their idiotic babbling. Stand up for yourself, for what you seem to f*#king accept, and actually start acting like you accept it. STAY STRONG. You know you're always heard here. Feeling like you're faking it, then having those emotional responses when someone else tells you you're faking it should give you a f*#king hint. YOU'RE NOT FAKING IT. Otherwise, you wouldn't have any strong emotional response that's out of your control. K?""


We hope some of this was somewhat helpful to you. Keep in mind, sometimes it just takes persistence, consistency, and "showing" people the truth; sometimes it takes a professional's help to explain things; and sometimes, sadly, people simply won't accept things. But that's not your fault! Sometimes, unfortunately, you just have to agree to disagree and cope with things the best you can until change is possible (such as moving out, or having a professional explain stuff, or something like that). Best of luck with telling your parents! We hope it goes well!


-A mixture of us(?)

They didn't believe me. Didn't believe us, didn't believe her. They think we're demons. F#king demons! Who the hell do they think they are to tell her what she thinks and experiences are nothing, that she's just lying! I'll show them a f#king demon!
"Shouldn't alters have different handwriting than you?" Like a slap in the face to all of us. So what if we don't have different handwriting! We're different "personalities", "people", we fit the criteria, and they still can't believe their own daughter! Refuse to accept it! And it's already been like, a week!
We went the therapist probably because the mom and the dad thought she was crazy, and even the f#king therapist believes us! And they can't believe their own daughter!

I can't feel anything... pain, sadness, happiness, anything. I can feel our heart pounding through our chest, but even the simplest emotions felt by some who's crazy, or an infant, I can't feel. Nothing.
~Fill me in, you can do anything, please, I just want to feel something. I don't care what it is... Please... I don't care if I want to stab everyone I see, and kill until I don't see anything but blood, and red, all over... It would be better than to be empty... It's such a horrible sensation...~
Shadow

I'm so very sorry to hear this. I wish you good things in the time that comes.

[color=#800000*Nods* Thank you. I've been wanting to rant for days, but the parents won't let Faith in the computer so...
-Shadow[/color]

Why should they believe us, and we believe ourselves, if we can't even convince them that the host has DID? Why are we do confused and so troubled over nothing? Always scared, always ducking and weaving and hiding so that they won't notice us, and so they won't be bothered to think that Faith is crazy and that she's making it all up? Why are we doing this, and why are we here, and why shouldn't I do whatever I want, and not care about what others think and what they'd say and I don't give a f#ck about what they'd do to her and me, and I din't care as long as I'm there to shield her from it and I still feel empty and hollow... And please make it go away... ~Please. Everything. All the confusion, the worry, the doubt.~ And I don't care what I'm left with... The others won't give a crap anyway, and if they do, than so what? They hate me anyway, everyone except the host... And why should we care?
-Shadow/Us
[Though, who's paying attention?]

I am sorry that you all are feeling so terrible right now. But please don't doubt yourself just because your parents don't believe you. You are NOT confused and troubled over nothing. There is some real reason why, whether you believe it or not and whether you know what the reason is or not.

Erm... we don't know much about your situation. But we find that our parents are the very LAST of people who actually know us to know that there's anything wrong. Part of it is not wanting to believe that they could have done anything to screw up their dear daughter, and part of it is not wanting to have to worry about their kid. And I think part of it is that they've been living with us so long that they're convinced that this is just what we're like - forget that multiplicity would actually make sense. To them, we're a singleton just like the rest of the world is too. And I think that part of it is that they don't actually know us that well either (well, in this sense, nobody really does) - that they don't know that we worry and stuff 'cause we hide it from them.

Add to the fact that a lot of people just don't believe in DID. There are a lot of misconceptions to clear up, even for therapists, especially considering that DID has been so sensationalised in the media. It sounds like you may need to educate your parents about DID. I'm not sure on your religion, but maybe there is some person or website that could explain it your parents in such a way that it would make sense to them from a religious standpoint? I know that this may be a very hard thing for you to consider (and personally I wouldn't do it), but have you ever considered bringing them to a therapy session so that your therapist can help you with that?

Unfortunately, some people, including parents, can't believe the truth even if it screams in their face or shoves proof under their eyes.

I am sorry they didn't believe you. Cassandra's dad believes us to be some sort of demons as well. A type of "distraction by the devil to steer us away from God" or some bullsh*t like that.

Stay strong. Don't let them get to you. It may be that they might never believe. It may be they need a professional to tell them all of this and explain it to them. It may be that they will always throw a religious twist in it. No matter what, though, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. It is not your fault your parents won't believe, or can't believe, or refuse to believe. Don't let what they do or do not do affect what you know to be fact, what you know to be true. Trust in yourself, rely on yourself, and stay strong for yourself. And f*#k anyone who doesn't believe you.

As for hiding, well, that's needed sometimes, as much as it f*#king pains me to say that. I refused to hide with Cassandra's dad if he crossed the line, and I showed him my anger and rage, and I showed him that I wasn't about to take his bullsh*t like Cassandra would. But to him, all he saw was a simple mood swing, a loss of control, anger management problems. So sometimes switching isn't always obvious, and sometimes it has to be that way. Our environment was unsafe, unsupportive, and your's sounds to unfortunately be this way too. This is why we hide. We hide to reduce the attacks we get. We hide to reduce unwanted attention. We hide to keep us as safe as possible and to reduce any unnecessary stress. We hide until we can reach a better place and not hide anymore. Or until we are strong enough to not give a flying f*#k and just erupt anyway. It all depends on the type of environment you're in.

Feeling empty happens sometimes, but that doesn't give you any right to just throw everything away, or go on a rampage, or anything like that. Because like everything else in life, this will pass with time. Yes, it sucks. Yes, it's not fun being empty. Yes, it can be quite f*#king miserable. But you're strong enough to make it this far, so I know you're strong enough to make it through this. This will pass. You just have to hang in there.


Focus on what you do have. You have support here. You have believers here. You have acceptance and understanding here. You have open ears here. That is better than nothing. Even if the parents don't like you getting on the computer, you still know, that if/when you're able to get on one, you have everyone here that's got your back, caring about you, hoping things get better for you.

Life is like a cigarette. Let the past fall away with the ashes, but don't smoke it so fast you can't enjoy it. This will eventually be in the past. Let it go with the passage of time. Let it fall away. And know that you'll still be here, in the changing present, still surviving, still living, still staying strong.

Hang in there, kiddo.

*safe hug if wanted*


-KAT

Thank you Kat. *Hugs* We feel better now, but do you? *Cocks head a bit*
"Some sort of distraction to steer us away from God" Exactly! (We're Christians, all of us, btw) Faith's prayed to God several times that if she doesn't have DID, for us to go away and the House to disappear and nothing's happened, so we've took this as a sign that she does.
Her parents don't believe in DID.
God, it's just hard sometimes. I've been stuck out for about half of the day, and I've honestly felt like clawing her Mom's face off and screaming at her "why didn't you just believe your daughter when she...". That sort of thing. Honestly we've felt like commenting on your recent boards, and sorry we really haven't gotten the chance to. Oh, Faith wanted to ask you if the things she experienced when she was younger could have caused her to have DID, but... *shrugs*
-Shadow


-- Tue Jan 22, 2013 6:51 pm --

Oh, btw, I know this is an odd question but, are/was Kat drunk when she was writing that? I forgot which one of your alters said this (Kyra?) but whoever did said that when your drunk you spout little nuggets of wisdom. ( Not the same words... At all)
-Shadow

I had a reply, but then the site crashed. So this one might be a bit shorter.

Desiria wrote:Thank you Kat. *Hugs* We feel better now, but do you? *Cocks head a bit*

Haha, don't worry 'bout me, kiddo. I'm always ok. And the rare times that I'm not, I'll always be ok eventually.

Desiria wrote:"Some sort of distraction to steer us away from God" Exactly! (We're Christians, all of us, btw) Faith's prayed to God several times that if she doesn't have DID, for us to go away and the House to disappear and nothing's happened, so we've took this as a sign that she does.
Her parents don't believe in DID.

Yeah, I think it's pretty clear it's DID. Besides, demons tend to run away people with faith, with the "light of God", and who are strong in their faith. They tend to prey on people with weak faith, or that are faithless, because they're often easier to distract, manipulate, etc.

Unfortunately, some people won't believe it. Your parents might never believe. They might keep spouting religious excuses. Or they might need someone professional explain it to them and show them the facts and truths. Sometimes people only listen to professionals. But then again, pros have the patience to re-explain things, the knowledge to explain away doubts and questions, and the ability to help people understand sh*t that's hard to grasp. Either way, it's not your fault.

Desiria wrote:God, it's just hard sometimes. I've been stuck out for about half of the day, and I've honestly felt like clawing her Mom's face off and screaming at her "why didn't you just believe your daughter when she...". That sort of thing. Honestly we've felt like commenting on your recent boards, and sorry we really haven't gotten the chance to. Oh, Faith wanted to ask you if the things she experienced when she was younger could have caused her to have DID, but... *shrugs*
-Shadow

Welcome to my world. Or at least, my world when we still lived at home. I swear, sometimes the only thing that kept me from seriously injuring Cassandra's father was Rain fighting/restraining me. It's hard sometimes. It sucks major @$$ sometimes. But just keep in mind that things won't stay this way forever. They can change, they will change, and things will get better as long as you don't give up and don't let anyone, including the parents, keep you down.

Faith can ask me anything she wants to in her own time.
But to answer now, DID is caused by extreme stress/any type of trauma (doesn't have to be abuse) and the disruption/interruption of the personality developmental processes. It's developed in childhood because that's when the personality developmental processes start/take place. So, yes, most likely things that happened in your guys' childhood helped/caused the development of DID.

You can put a child through pretty much anything as long as they're given love, care, support, help, things are allowed to process properly and they're allowed to heal. But if the child is lacking in love, care, support, help, or things are not allowed to process properly and they're not allowed to heal, that's when things like DID, PTSD, etc., can begin to develop.

Desiria wrote:Oh, btw, I know this is an odd question but, are/was Kat drunk when she was writing that? I forgot which one of your alters said this (Kyra?) but whoever did said that when your drunk you spout little nuggets of wisdom. ( Not the same words... At all)
-Shadow

You would be correct, though I have never been drunk while on this site. A quote from a time I was drunk was posted on this site, though. But I am usually high while on this site. I don't usually smoke myself but I'll smoke with the twins at times, or with Shay, or something like that. And being high helps make it easier for me to be more open, be kinder, be helpful, and be more understanding. So I tend to come on where when I'm high. Otherwise, I'm not really big on talking to people or sharing about past bullsh*t and stuff like that. I'm not mean or a b*tch or anything, least not unless I want to be, but I'm just not the talkative type.

-KAT