"imaginary" friends?

(Not trying to insult anyone, just a few thoughts about parts that seem imaginary at first, or imaginary friends that look like atlers)

I've heard of people here saying they thought they had imaginary friends that turned out to be alters...
Well, I don't know, but I certainly had some part or something that felt like not really imaginary when I think back on it. It 'felt' the same every time, but first I imagined talking to an alien, later it was mostly some imagined chat with someone from long ago (think Darwin, Newton etc.). I imagined that I somehow had contact with them, while I knew the whole time I hadn't. I also believed/knew they were not real the whole time.

Background: (skip if it's too long)

The way I talked was almost the same as how I now 'talk', except that they didn't disagree with me, or really asked anything specific (that couldn't be from me). But I usually didn't initiate the chat, it was more there. I wasn't surprised by it, it was largely imaginary (or so it felt). Sometimes I started it, or so I think thinking back on it. It was merely just there.

Talking was more like, I explain things using words in my head, as if talking inside my head, I just know the answer. Or I imagine what the answer would be. They never really stated an opinion of themselves. Now I know about DDNOS/DID, they do actually disagree with me, try to persuade me to do things I don't want etc. But the way I communicate isn't any different.

But sometimes it is more like they want to see/hear something, so I will show them. For example, when talking about a certain album cover, I'll look it up on the internet. I thought it was funny, but now I think back on it, it's the same way they ask me to do things (whether I want it too or not).

I never really stopped with it, but it has faded away now. Theory: maybe now I know about the dissociation it isn't necessary to hide behind of imagination? I don't remember ever starting with it, it was just there, it seems, or I just don't remember the moment I started.

I know I wanted to explain all kinds of things to people, but usually that's not possible or will annoy them etc. so maybe that's the reason I turned to imaginary friends? I don't know. And I have never really had any friends (I still don't know when to call someone a friend). So that might have caused it.

tl;dr:
Has anyone had what seemed to be an imaginary friend, but which actually turned out to be an alter pretending to be imaginary (to hide the dissociation?)? Any thoughts on this?

Before I was diagnosed and when I just returned to therapy, my T said to me that she could see that I was experiencing a lot of loneliness and general separation from society. She suggested to me that maybe my alters were imaginary friends (this was before she had done any sort of testing for a dissociative disorder).

On a personal note, for almost all of my alters I thought they were characters that I made up since I like to write and would get frustrated when I would try to write about them and they would tell me that they wouldn't do something like what I was writing about and therefore I wasn't writing about them anymore.

I also had one alter who a T in college insisted was imaginary because she didn't believe that DID exists and who got very, very angry over the fact. (I can't say I blame her honestly.) She didn't speak to me for a good year after that...which was incredibly depressing, but that's another topic altogether.

Anyway, this is just a quick response because I have to go see my T this morning. Hope it's helpful to you.

LittleRedDogToo wrote:On a personal note, for almost all of my alters I thought they were characters that I made up since I like to write and would get frustrated when I would try to write about them and they would tell me that they wouldn't do something like what I was writing about and therefore I wasn't writing about them anymore.

LOL! sorry, this may not be funny at that moment, but sounds really funny. It isn't meant in a bad way. Never wondered why "imaginary" people would disagree with you? (Mine never disagreed or stated an opinion, not altogether at least, or not in a way that didn't seem imagined.)

The fact I always thought they were imaginary (maybe they are? Or do I hear that they are not?) Whatever, because I thought they were imaginary it is much harder to accept what I hear now is real, because it 'sounds' almost the same and I know some part of it is imagined (at least, that's what I think, as it usually doesn't make much sense).

I used to refer to my alters as imaginary friends simply because it seemed like the easiest way to describe them to other people. They were never imaginary in the sense that I imagined what they would say,do, etc. From the first time I felt them there or met them they spoke to me and introduced themselves and I knew there was no influence from myself. This is from when I was diagnosed as having psychosis so I would always refer to them as imaginary friends or hallucinations even though on some level I didn't believe they were.

We had several imaginary friends growin g up. One alter had a closet full of imaginary Mothers. Those I still consider imagianry. But the rest of me, we interacted ou t loud and hung out with specific imaginary friends to get thru episodes of lonlinessa dn fear. Even if I was eatin g dinnner with my outside family, I was hanging with my alters to feel some sort of existance and hope. I hoped one day I would be real. My hangin g out physically and verbally out loud ended around 9th grade. Those freinds are still my freinds to day adn are my alters and fit the DID dx as opposed to still having imaginary friends. Bit I feel fake as i felt made up my life adn am a fraud

Some of my "friends" participated in slef harm as a way to protect from others hurting us. Some became tough a nd rumble to protect. Basically what started out as a sugarland, turned out to be an entire community(hall) of diferrent ithers.

I few weeks ago I found a booklet from school. I would have been ten I am 49 now .th ebooklet had three very short stories. One was about wanting to be hurt for my B-day gift. THen when the monster came to hurt me I screamed and my mom didnt belive me , another i started a club with a table on our drivway. it was a music club. some people signed up . noone ever came to meetting so once a year I held a big get together wherein noone excpet me myself and I showed up. The final story I had written was about a lonely summer vacation. So I made up a freind. I took her to school when fall came. The kids teased me and my freind. I took her home at lunch adn told her I was sorry adn never let anyone see her again ( or at least know they saw her). Sad little girl I was. I have a few memories of how lonly I was. I had sisters and brothers but still lonely. THey picked on me and several people abused me my entire life.

I remember playing with Frida a lot when I was younger. I never realized it was her and, poor thing, she was pretty confused and upset that I didn't realize/remember playing with her. I used to have an "imaginary" animal friend, which I just thought about now (not a memory I've held much these last few years) that would comfort me and answer me. I had a weird password and everything to "reach" it. I realize just now this was probably an alter (don't think I should name her as she might not be comfortable). I've never experienced this kind of thing where they didn't talk back or disagree with me or something like that.

Dianezz: You are not a fraud. It was DID and you survived in the best way you knew how. Having someone else was vital.

Best of luck.

Dianezz: You are not a fraud. It was DID and you survived in the best way you knew how. Having someone else was vital.
thank you for that posotive feedback. YOU are very correct I am learning how vital it was.IT is hard when you feel something, but you are led to beleive something else.

IT is hard when you feel something, but you are led to beleive something else.

I understand that, I definitely feel the same way. We believe in you here at least and wish you the very best in healing

Before we knew that we had DID, Kat started out as an "imaginary friend" that just never really went "away" after childhood. Rain started out being our "conscience"/"shoulder angel". And then Kat, Rain, and L.C. have all been characters in writings of Cassandra's (though it can get hard to remember if it was Cassandra who wrote some of the writings, or actually Kat, L.C., or Rain themselves. Either way, Cassandra wrote at least some of them). Ray's also been a character in writings. So have Cassie and Luna. And "Hannibal", actually, if I'm remembering correctly. But the main characters found in our writings would be those based off of Kat, Luna, and L.C.
(Now that I think about it, everyone may have been a character in a writing at some point. I'll have to check that sometime because now I'm curious).


~The Hawk

I have one that was kind of a mix of imaginary friend and 'made up' character, as in, she was me but living an entirely different, fictional life. She still lives that life 'inside' and doesn't come out, her job is to take care of the little ones. I have another who I thought was a character I'd made up, but I have no control over the stories, instead when I'm thinking about him he 'takes over' and tells the story his way. It's hard to explain...