Switching Symptoms ***Possibly Triggery***

I went ahead and put a *Possible* Trigger Warning, so please read at your own risk. If it's one thing I have learned over the last few months is that pretty much anything can be a trigger, including discussing it!

I haven't been making much progress on communication with the others yet. Once in a while I'll have little instances here and there with them, but it's very random and usually short (or theres a huge possibility I just don't remember it). Also, I'm so used to ignoring every thing, that half the time for a split second I'll realize I'm talking to them, or that they've made a comment, or that I'm acting/feeling like someone else, or that I'm talking and physically doing something but I'm not driving the bus bc I'm on the 'inside' thinking about other things....but this awareness only lasts maybe 5-15 seconds when I become aware of it. Then it's like the thought is just completely gone. I feel completely blocked, like the thought was 'removed' from me, or 'taken' away. I'm not sure if the others have the power to do that, or whatever, but that's what it feels like.

No matter how hard I try, I usually can't make the awareness last more than a few seconds. I don't usually become more aware that I've switched, until I switch again, bc I can more easily see just how different I was. And usually, I only remember bits and pieces of what happened.

Since I'm still having issues with communication (I am journaling a lot more now btw), I've decided to start working on identifying switches. After what happened Sunday (for those of you who read my post the other day), I think I need to start focusing on this more. I'm hoping that this might help me become more 'attuned' to them and help communication in the process.

I'd like to know...

1. What are your switching 'symptoms'? I'd like to get an idea of what my husband and I can possibly look out for (maybe physically/emotionally)? I haven't found a good list online, but would prefer to know what everyone else's personal experiences with switching are.

2. Any other advice/tips for me or my husband on becoming more aware of switching and who's out?

3. While on the subject of switching, how about tips on handling them? ***Trigger Warning*** I have an angry/violent one that's been coming out quite often, and my husband has become quite afraid of her. She's not physically violent towards myself or others, but she screams a lot and throws/breaks things. I've tried to tell him that she won't hurt anyone physically, but he's still wanting to hide all the kitchen knives He's really unsure of how to handle her, and since I usually don't remember much after she's out, I'm not really sure what to tell him.

I think that's all the questions I can think of at the moment. Any advice would be great! Thanks!

I asked one of the people who's seen me switch more often than anyone else if he's noticed anything from an outside perspective:

He says I do a "head flop" and close my eyes. I asked for further clarification of the "head flop" and he says my head drops like I'm falling asleep sitting/standing up.

When I was in the hospital, one of the nurses asked me what it felt like to switch, and I said it felt like something happened with my eyes. She replied that the eyes were how she could tell when someone switched, so I'm assuming that something happens with our eyes either right before, during or right after a switch.

Hope that's helpful.

I don't have the time to answer myself right now, so I'll have to come back, but I thought you might find these threads interesting (they're ones I've replied to, though the replies might have changed a bit as they're older threads, but still interesting to read):

What does a switch feel like?: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic71514.html
Questions about switching: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic74003.html
Do you place in your own triggers?: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic96554.html
QQ: What happens when you switch?: http://www.psychforums.com/dissociative-identity/topic70742.html


-Cassandra

LittleRedDogToo wrote:I asked one of the people who's seen me switch more often than anyone else if he's noticed anything from an outside perspective:

He says I do a "head flop" and close my eyes. I asked for further clarification of the "head flop" and he says my head drops like I'm falling asleep sitting/standing up.

When I was in the hospital, one of the nurses asked me what it felt like to switch, and I said it felt like something happened with my eyes. She replied that the eyes were how she could tell when someone switched, so I'm assuming that something happens with our eyes either right before, during or right after a switch.

Hope that's helpful.

Actually, this is very helpful! Now that I think about it, there is something with the eyes for me. It's one of those things I catch and wonder if it's a switching thing, but after a few seconds the thought is gone and I don't think anymore about it. But now that I'm thinking about it, I think I do the "head flop" thing too. It's not a hard drop though, my head doesn't go all limp and just flop down....it goes down smoothly and I'm not sure, but I think I close my eyes when I do this. Other people would probably think I'm just looking at my shoes....but I can't think of what I do look at when I do this, if I look at anything at all.

Sometimes I blink really fast for a few seconds/minutes, sometimes I'll shut my eyes, tightly for a few seconds, sometimes my eyes get unusually very heavy too and I'll start rubbing them. I'm not sure if those are signs of switching, but now I know to pay more attention to it!

It would make sense too. Over the last few years, I've grown very fond of hats and sunglasses. I have to have one or the other, and my cell phone. My hats and sunglasses make me feel more 'hidden'...I can easily hide my face/eyes with them when I'm around other people. I've known about this for years now, but wasn't sure why...I figured it was like my security blanket. My cell phone I always have in my hand bc when I get nervous I can look down at it, act busy, and avoid who or what evers going on around me. I've always had an obsession with hoodies too (I still do, and I live in Florida lol), because I used to hate hats, but always had that instant face shield of the hood when I needed to hide.

Wow, thanks! You actually, gave me a lot of things to think about, and possible signs of switching to look for! I'll read this off to my husband tonight and see if he's noticed anything!

ManyShadesOfMe wrote:Sometimes I blink really fast for a few seconds/minutes, sometimes I'll shut my eyes, tightly for a few seconds, sometimes my eyes get unusually very heavy too and I'll start rubbing them. I'm not sure if those are signs of switching, but now I know to pay more attention to it!

I do this too sometimes. Last time was a while ago. I don't know whether I really switch You do ~ Sandra/Nicole Yes, I've heard that before. Apparently I switch. But I think that I prevent switching by blinking very fast. He still doesn't want to believe it. That's a different discussion.

oaktree wrote:I do this too sometimes. Last time was a while ago. I don't know whether I really switch You do ~ Sandra/Nicole Yes, I've heard that before. Apparently I switch. But I think that I prevent switching by blinking very fast. He still doesn't want to believe it. That's a different discussion.

LOL! Sounds like me...or us! I'm still trying to work on identifying the interjecting thoughts too, sorta like in your post when one of the others have something to say. I still get that denial feeling like, how do I know it's just not really me answering back? So, again, I usually just blow it off and forget about it I really wish I would stop doing that!

I've been under a bunch of stress the last week, so I feel like I've been switching a ton. I think that might be why I'm remembering the eye thing and the head flop you mentioned since it's been happening so much recently. One day last week I came across a post, not sure when it was or what the post was about...but I know she said her name was Jenna. I know nothing about her, didn't even know she existed until I stumbled on the post I, or she, made. I know that I was really zoning in and out a lot that day though...more than usual...and for no specific reason. I also had two guys come out and message someone and they gave a name to another alter I had no idea about too.

So, I'm thinking this zoning out I get all the time might be switch related too, now that I think about it.

This is a good thead about this: what does it look like when I switch?

I wrote

lifelongthing wrote:

From what I've read, a common occurrence at the moment of the switch, if someone is paying attention and knows what to look for, is a change in the face. There is sometimes, for example, a couple second blankness, the eyes fluttering, rolling, or closing, or the head nodding downward. Not for everyone and not every time.

I've also read about people who have more radical switches, sometimes nearly or actually passing out.

I'm like that - it depends which alter is being switched to and from, and for what reason, from what I've heard. Like for (perceived) immediate physical danger it will mostly be both my eyes darting to the right and back once in 0.something seconds and the other person will be there. Most other times my head starts getting heavy and nod downward, my eyes close, and the other person will look up when they come out just moments later. When my smallest child part came out, before I knew much about DID but started noticing more of the switches, I noticed I would nod down like you do when you smile shyly and i/she would either start to smile or frown depending on her mood. Then we would make this little "meep" sound and she would take over. Sometimes though, I almost fall or fall straight to the floor when a switch happens. Usually it happens quite softly - the body just kind of flowing in a way down on to floor. Today for instance though, someone else was out and I had just fallen straight to the floor with a bang. So I guess it just depends. And of course not everyone switches in the same way

ManyShadesOfMe wrote:LOL! Sounds like me...or us! I'm still trying to work on identifying the interjecting thoughts too, sorta like in your post when one of the others have something to say. I still get that denial feeling like, how do I know it's just not really me answering back? So, again, I usually just blow it off and forget about it I really wish I would stop doing that!

Yes, exactly! Those "intrusions" are really not something I would think, more like some other person would think. So that makes it a bit easier to believe. Usually, it is only on this forum that they make themselves clear who they are.

ManyShadesOfMe wrote:One day last week I came across a post, not sure when it was or what the post was about...but I know she said her name was Jenna. I know nothing about her, didn't even know she existed until I stumbled on the post I, or she, made.

I'm still waiting for that moment to happen. Sometimes, I check my posts written on this forum to make sure there aren't any post not written by "me". (Btw, if there are any, I would like to know that via PM ). But it seems like they don't come out for things like that.

Yes, exactly! Those "intrusions" are really not something I would think, more like some other person would think. So that makes it a bit easier to believe. Usually, it is only on this forum that they make themselves clear who they are.

I think I'm just so used to avoiding/forgetting about it...on top of some denial there with the intrusive thoughts. Sometimes I can tell it's undeniably not my thought, but most times it's just iffy and hard for me to tell. I'm the type that needs the solid proof. Unless they speak clearly as a loud voice, or the intrusive thought is seriously 100% not a 'me thing', I tend to blow it off. I don't mean to, it's just not something that gets my attention I think.

I have to say though, my favorite intrusive thoughts are when I can't find something, or I can't remember something. If I close my eyes and really concentrate, and repeat the question a few times, like, "Where did I put my phone?", I'll usually get a correct answer back I always thought that was pretty neat!

I'm still waiting for that moment to happen. Sometimes, I check my posts written on this forum to make sure there aren't any post not written by "me". (Btw, if there are any, I would like to know that via PM ). But it seems like they don't come out for things like that.

I should go back over some of my past posts, because as far as I know they only came out that one morning. I know I've responded to other threads before and forgot about it. Usually, I'll have a vague 'I think/know I responded to a thread' feeling, but won't remember what I said, or what the thread was about. My memory is just so horrible...and it seems to be getting worse.

This is a good thead about this: what does it look like when I switch?

I don't have the time to answer myself right now, so I'll have to come back, but I thought you might find these threads interesting (they're ones I've replied to, though the replies might have changed a bit as they're older threads, but still interesting to read):

Thanks for all the links guys! They were all very helpful! It looks like the head drop, and eye thing is fairly common! I text my husband about all this this morning. He says he's notices that I cover my eyes with my hands a lot, but hasn't noticed my head going down or anything like that. But he said, it's such a common gesture he may just not have noticed.

I know I do the head drop thing, though. My head will go down, I'll usually close my eyes, and for a few seconds it feels like I'm falling asleep (even though I'm not)...and I believe I do take a deep breath afterwards, but I'm not sure. I think I start zoning in and out first, too. IDK, I zone so much it could be before, after, during, or all three...who knows lol.

I'm still waiting for that moment to happen. Sometimes, I check my posts written on this forum to make sure there aren't any post not written by "me". (Btw, if there are any, I would like to know that via PM ). But it seems like they don't come out for things like that.

I just went back and browsed my posting history. It was your post she came out for last week! Yeah, I'm really not sure about that post though. It looks like we were co-conscious, but I don't remember it...the last paragraph where I said it was me seems vaguely familiar, but I don't remember that either lol.