Presence of Littles

I didn't think my child parts came out much at all, but I'm beginning to notice things which make me question that. For example: my son has a cuddly toy which I have developed a strong attachment to. Sometimes I'll find myself just sitting and hugging it. If he sees me with his toy, he'll come and take it from me, and, of course, I give it to him. But I often feel a strong resentment about having to give it up. I even feel close to tears sometimes. So I figure this must be a child part who is attached to this toy for some reason. I often get strong feelings and reactions like that, which are inexplicable to 'me', but would make sense if they were coming from a little one. The thing is, the child parts are rarely, if ever, out alone, I'm always co-conscious with them, which makes it difficult to tell whether the feelings are them or me. I suppose I sort of expect someone being 'out' to be either full-on time loss (which happens pretty rarely for me), or being pushed aside and no longer in control (like Gemma does). The little ones seem to be gentler than this and less easy to spot. So, what's it like for others when child parts are out? Are you always aware of it, is someone 'supervising' them? Do you lose time? I'm interested to hear your experiences.

For me it depends on the alter. With Jimmy I'm almost always there with him. If Paul has ever been out, I wasn't aware at all. I do sometime feel Jimmy's feelings, which usually isn't a lot of fun.
-Geoff

I don't know whether this is of any help, but...

I seem to have at least one child part (but probably more, I seem to get a comment now there are more ). Anyway, I think they passively influence me a lot. For example, once, I somehow got afraid of the wind blowing in the curtains and 'heard' from some part (I hear it was Sandra) that the child parts were afraid. (This was the time I discovered there might be more).
(As an aside, I get comments while I write. To them: Keep giving them! It's OK.)

Other times, I really behave like a child. I try to adjust as much as possible (I don't think it is really noticeable, but still). Those are times I am still in control etc. I sometimes seem to lose time You are actually losing time, you just don't know it yet. (Sandra/Nicole?) Ok. Maybe. It would help if I knew when that happens.

That's what it was like for me at first too. It still is sometimes. I sort of react the way Jimmy would, and its actually Jimmy reacting. If the reaction is strong enough, he actually pops out and takes control. Now that I'm more aware of him that doesn't happen as often. It sounds like you are becoming more aware of your system, congratulations on that
-Geoff

James9 wrote:It sounds like you are becoming more aware of your system, congratulations on that

Thank you. Yes, but only now. Maybe because denial is almost away currently.

Well, as far as I (yes, I mean "I", not you or we ) know, child alters don't really come out. But, yes, maybe I'm just not aware of it. (agreement inside)

It depends on who it is.
Some of the kids I will feel right under the surface and be influenced.
Some will just take over and I will lose bits of time (or complete time loss).
Sometimes I can supervise or comment (not often though, usually this is done by either Emma or Lin).

I'm not sure if this answers your question, but that's what it's like for me anyway Probably a bit different for some of the other alters.

When the household kids come out, like Talula and Kitty, us gals from the Warship and the older ones in the house (if they are Out) are co-con with the kids. But if the little wacky Ell kids come out, then we lose time.

The outsiders remain unaware to us. My aunt Linn will watch us at times. But not too much. -Rochelle

we are distant... we are the spacious black hole in the mental landscape... the ones beyond the gate better get used to the dark...

For us, it depends.

With Lynn, she's 2, and doesn't understand the whole DID thing of course, so it's harder to have communication and a connection with her. So far, no one except Cassie has been able to be co-conscious with her, and no one's been able to actually co-host with her. Cassandra doesn't really black out when Lynn's "out", but she won't really remember what happened or what the body was doing or anything like that, either (since she wasn't the one "out" at the time). It's kinda like...a dream. When you wake up, you usually don't remember most of it, but you knew what was going on and stuff while you were dreaming.

(I just realized this is how losing time is for us! It's not actual black-outs during the time stuff's happening, but it's black-outs for recollection afterwards, like a dream you remember having, but don't remember exactly what it's about when you wake up! Ah-ha, I DO see all! I have seen how losing time happens for us, and I have seen a way to describe it! The others will appreciate my all-knowingness! ).

Continuing on with Lynn... Despite not being able to have good communication or connection with her, Cassandra will still feel emotions "from" her sometimes, such as when there's a toy she really likes or when something happens that she really doesn't like. Kinda like being triggered but not enough to come "out" (it doesn't happen often or with everything she would like/dislike, that's why it's kinda like a "weak" trigger).

With Cassie, many of us, including Cassandra, are able to be co-conscious with her and co-host with her. So we can hear things she says (such as "I want that toy!"), feel her emotions (such as not wanting to do something), and sometimes she can end up reacting through us (such as us crying when a toy she wants is taken away).

With Cassidy, she's on the 2nd level, so it's not clear if/when her emotions are felt by whoever's "out" at the time. When she's "out" herself, so far Marie is the only one who's able to be co-conscious with her, and I'm the only one who's been able to be co-conscious and co-host with her. I don't know about Marie, but I was able to feel some of Cassidy's emotions. There's still a lot of separation, but every once in a while I'd be able to feel an emotional reaction of her's. The only way anyone's able to tell when she's "close" is that they'll start to hear her singing her song that she always sings (the Freddy Krueger song).

(Not sure if that answered your post really, I'm kinda fuzzy right now, but I hope it did).



~The Hawk

Thank you all for answering. It's interesting to hear how things are for other people. I really don't know enough about the little ones yet to be able to know whose feelings I'm getting, etc., and they usually seem to be kept very separate from me, so it was interesting to realise that I'm getting feelings from them at all.

tomboy24 wrote:(I just realized this is how losing time is for us! It's not actual black-outs during the time stuff's happening, but it's black-outs for recollection afterwards, like a dream you remember having, but don't remember exactly what it's about when you wake up! Ah-ha, I DO see all! I have seen how losing time happens for us, and I have seen a way to describe it! The others will appreciate my all-knowingness! ).

That's what it's like for me, too. I lost three days a couple of weeks ago, but it's not like I blinked on Thursday and it was suddenly Sunday. I have a sense of that time passing, but I have no idea what I was doing during it, except for maybe an hour or two on the Saturday morning. That happens to me a lot, but I never recognised it because 1) I never tried to remember what I'd been doing, 2) there was no evidence that I'd been doing anything out of the ordinary, and 3) because it wasn't the dramatic 'blackout' time loss, I didn't recognise that I have amnesia for a lot of things!

DID: when you realize 'time flies' is actually dissociation.