Host Change & other things

**Possibly Triggering: discusses specific alter roles**

Heelllooo fellow visitors of this chill internet cloud! I come bearing news updates and possibly interesting topics for all who might care!... Or are curious... Or are even just bored and wanting to read something.


First thing's first! There is talk of a possible host change for our system. Cassandra would be stepping down and staying "inside" more, and I would be the new "host". So far, the system is in favor of having a host change, but it is still in discussion/debate, and so the decision is not yet completely concrete.

Even so, the others think it would be a good idea for me to post/share some info about myself (mostly for others in the system, but also to allow you, my fellow users, to learn more about me if you care/are curious/are bored. So, here goes nothin'.


~About The Hawk~

Name: Yes, a name has been decided! The name "Hawk" is now a permanent name, not just a title!
Age: Possibly 19, but still uncertain.
Gender: Yes, a gender has been decided as well! I've discovered that I identify with the female gender, but I identify with a slightly more "boyish" look, (flatter chest, smaller hips, that sort of stuff), of the female body.
Height: I identify/feel as though I "should be" around 5 ft. 5 in.
Weight: I actually feel ok with the weight the body's at now, which is 121 lbs. But I do want to have a bit more muscle definition, which I aim to work on.
Hair color: Bright orange or bright red! Or purple, depending on the shade. Natural hair color: (least what I'm "supposed to have"): auburn-brown
Eye color: I identify equally with gold and green, so it's undecided right now.
Skin color: obviously caucasian (meaning no sort of tan, but not that pale, either)
(Um, let's see, anything else?)
Hair style!: a glorious, awesome mohawk is what I have/"should" have! (I have one in our "inner world", but the body doesn't actually have a mohawk).
(Hmmm...anything else?)
(Oh yeah...)
Reasons for considering a Host change: Cassie was technically the first host, with her only being aware of Kat. Then Cassandra was the 2nd host, with the transition starting at age 8 and ending at age 11. Kyra was the 3rd host, but she was only host for one year, from the end of 7th grade when the body was 12 and turning 13, until the body turned 14 (just before the beginning of 9th grade). After Kyra, Cassandra resumed the role of host from (body) age 14 until the present, which is an uninterrupted 7-year time span. However, for 4-5 out of those 7 years, Cassandra was only really aware of 4 alters (Kat, Rain, L.C., and Cassie). In the recent past 2-3 years, our system has grown in awareness to a total of 18 alters (including Cassandra, herself). Cassandra has never been aware of so many alters before, and she's never managed a system this large before. All of the change is getting a little tough for her to handle, and she's having a hard time adapting to it all (which is perfectly understandable). So, we have started to consider a host change to fit the "new" system's changing/growing needs and such.

(Whew. It's hard to stay so focused and serious for that long).

I think that's about it for now. I titled this thread "host change & other things" because I'll be posting updates on here about new info I learn about, like things about myself or the system. (Like, I know there's stuff I want to post about info updates in relation to Kyra, but I don't feel up to it right now, so I'll post it here later).


Anyway...yeah. I think that's it. Thanks for reading, I guess. Sorry if you didn't enjoy it, or if it was a waste of your time. *a "shrug" smiley icon needs to exist* At least now you know to not waste your time with updates from this thread now!


~The Hawk




There's something else that she didn't tell you. No one else believes me about it, either. But I swear to monkeybutt, Hawk has wings. I haven't told many of the others, but the ones I've told think I'm hallucinating, or just seein' things, or something like that. But I'm not. I've seen them. They only seem to "pop out" or whateverthef*#k when she's asleep. (And no, I'm not some sort of creeper or something. Hawk sleeps on the couch of whatever level's "living room" she ends up at 'cause she doesn't have a room yet. And I have insomnia so I pretty much never sleep, and I've passed her while she's been asleep on the couch at times). When she's awake no wings. But I swear, when she's asleep, she's got wings. Bird-like wings, you know, with feathers? Only they sprout from her shoulder blades and are proportioned for her, you know? F*#kin' wings. Anyone else experience anything like this? Or could I be just seeing sh*t like the others are saying?

~Luna

I used to have wings inside. I miss them deeply..

A certain alter can switch into animal form at will (mostly at least) and will then have wings and all her animal form entails. This is only on the inside and doesn't affect the outer world or perception of herself on the outside as anything but human on the outside.

Interesting read Thanks for sharing

I found it interesting to read.

I sometimes feel like I want a host change too, that I can't really deal with this anymore.

Off topic but I am pleased to see you have gotten a preliminary dx oaktree. I hope you can find some peace and sort out what exactly it is you have. I have seen you write here. Many good thoughts to you

Yes, that's right. I didn't really expect it. I don't feel bad currently, mainly bored (I think I've given up on college this year). Thank you, lifelongthing.

oaktree wrote:I found it interesting to read.

I sometimes feel like I want a host change too, that I can't really deal with this anymore.

Actually, no one really wants a host change. Well, no one in the "Main Group"/first level really wants a host change. It's acknowledged that it may be necessary, but it isn't really desired. Cassandra can see that it may be the best choice, but she doesn't want to stop being the host. She wants to keep trying and some day "get it right". But we may not be able to wait and see if she can adapt any longer, which is something she and the others have realized. (And of course, the need for a host change isn't Cassandra's, or anyone else's, fault. Adjusting/adapting from being aware of 4 to being aware of 18 isn't easy).

Not only that, but with our system now being 18 large, it would fit our system's needs better to have a single host. Cassandra is in a relationship, and it's been causing too many conflicts within the system now that the system is as big as it is. If the boyfriend, Mike, were dating more than 4 alters (Cassandra, Rain, Ray, and technically Cassie- it's a cute "relationship"), then having a host who isn't single would be more justified. But with having 14 alters who are single, a host who's in a relationship doesn't really fit most of the system's needs. With a new host, Cassandra, Rain, Ray, and Cassie can all continue their relationship with Mike, he just simply won't be dating the host anymore and so the relationship will be a bit less serious (which will give everyone some breathing room).

One of the biggest reasons for considering a host change though, is the fact that I have the ability to co-host and/or be co-conscious with everyone (still "fine-tuning" those abilities, though). Cassandra has trouble co-hosting and/or being co-conscious with anyone from the "Secondary Group"/2nd level, as well as Lynn and Shay from the "Main Group"/1st level. She also has trouble staying a co-host or staying co-conscious during/when there's a triggered switch. Though this is all completely understandable, it also leaves more risk of things to happen (such as Rebel spending money that's not her's, or Cassidy coloring everywhere in sharpie, etc). Since I'm able to co-host and/or be co-conscious with everyone (except maybe "Hannibal", we don't know if I'm able to with him yet), that'll reduce the risk of anything "unwanted" happening, including (hopefully) during triggered switches.

So, yeah...it's not exactly wanted, but it's most likely going to be necessary.

(Oh, and glad to see that you got a preliminary DX, Oaktree. Hopefully it's helpful to you to have until you receive an official/final DX).

~The Hawk

lifelongthing wrote:Interesting read Thanks for sharing

Thanks for reading.


~The Hawk

tomboy24 wrote:There's something else that she didn't tell you. No one else believes me about it, either. But I swear to monkeybutt, Hawk has wings....

~Luna

I didn't realize I had wings. I'm sorry others have doubted you, Luna. You probably didn't talk to be about it because it seemed weird or something, but you can talk to me about it now if you'd like (not necessarily "now", now, but if/whenever you want). (I don't know why I'm typing this out here when it's all probably going to be verbalized inside anyway, but oh well).

I find it funny that you posted this and then tried to "hide" it from me like some of you can do with posts you don't want others to see. My name's Hawk, and I got the hawk eyes to match- I SEE ALL!

Apparently, the name "Hawk" is even more fitting than I ever expected it to be, especially if I'm sprouting wings in my sleep. And to think, it started out as a nickname because I love the glorious mohawk hairstyle so much (called a 'hawk for short).

lifelongthing wrote:I used to have wings inside. I miss them deeply..

If you don't mind me asking, what happened to your wings? (Don't have to answer if you don't want to).

lifelongthing wrote:A certain alter can switch into animal form at will (mostly at least) and will then have wings and all her animal form entails. This is only on the inside and doesn't affect the outer world or perception of herself on the outside as anything but human on the outside.

If I have an animal form, I don't know about it, much less how to "switch" into it. (Haha, I like his buggy little eyes).


~The Hawk

It is quite alright. I have talked of this before with galaxies' Linn on here before as well.

**big trigger warning** I was made a witch of the air like Hay Lin (who you can read more about on the internet, should you wish). So amongst other things I used to be able to fly (had wings), but I lost my abilities when I lost my/our first baby in the womb many many years ago when we were children. Now I am a normal mortal with few abilities at all and no wings.

tomboy24 wrote:Actually, no one really wants a host change.

Ah ok. Then I misunderstood you.

For me, it's more a feeling of, I don't want to deal with this anymore. I don't even know how it is to not be in control! (except for the moments I am not really/completely in control. As I write it, I seem to understand this happens often ) So, I can't really say I want it.

lifelongthing wrote:It is quite alright. I have talked of this before with galaxies' Linn on here before as well.

**big trigger warning** I was made a witch of the air like Hay Lin (who you can read more about on the internet, should you wish). So amongst other things I used to be able to fly (had wings), but I lost my abilities when I lost my/our first baby in the womb many many years ago when we were children. Now I am a normal mortal with few abilities at all and no wings.

I'm sorry you had to experience this, and that you lost your wings as well.

I didn't know I had wings, so I have no idea why I have them, or anything like that. I wonder why they only come out when I'm asleep... doesn't seem very fair or useful, coming out during the only time I can't see/use them.


~The Hawk