Do you ever get to a point... *Trigger - belief*

Do you ever to a point where you don't question having DID?

I have so much proof. Medical records, photographs, verbal admissions from people involved, videos taken of my alters and more. Yet I still question it. I still wonder if I'm just a delusional jerk. I can't seem to get past this stage.

Honestly?
**trigger warning**
Not anymore. And it hurts way more than the denial ever hurt us. I wish we could go back to having a break from it. The psychological break of "I don't have this". Just 5 minutes not to stare reality in the face that this, this is what we have to deal with. This huge, gaping (w)hole of pain and sadness and memories. I wish we had never lost the ability to deny it. It creeps up for give or take 3-5 seconds here and there, but so swiftly it's just "no, we know what this is..". I wish we hadn't got to this point, honestly. Hopefully, the ability to deny this (this even coming from me, who's known full well about the DID for years and years - I just see how it affects the rest of the system to know) will come back. It's been gone for some time now, but I do hope so. Denial was always so painful, but compared to this, I'd rather take that.
**trigger warning end**

But that's just us - others are much more tormented by the denial than the knowing. I think it depends a lot about what your fears are and what you gain from the denial. hope you get to a point where you don't deny this, as it is obviously very distressing to you. Wishing you the best of luck on your journey to healing.

Thank you, Emma. It is very distressing sometimes, but you bring up a good point. In the moments where I'm fully sure that we have DID, it's also very distressing - no matter what it's there. I'm not sure what the harder reality to endure will be. I guess I just have to get to a point where no matter what - believing or not - we're okay.

I just have to get to a point where no matter what - believing or not - we're okay.

Thanks for seeing who had been writing. And yeah, that seems like the best goal. That is ours as well. Best of luck with your healing

I myself I'm the host I have been about 3 to 4 yrs.
speaking to my original who comes and speaks to me is still deeply in denial.

This is kind of a confession (from the original who is to afraid to come out anymore)