What a night last night was....good grief!

Oh. My. Goodness. Our sweet little Jeanie had such a rough night last night. We stayed with our sister in a big unfamiliar house. There were strange shadows and noises, and something must have triggered her because she was terrified for a good while. Not sure how long and I'm not sure what all she said and did. But I do know that one of us wound up waking our sister up in the wee hours for help with her. The problem is that I don't know how to console her yet. She COMPLETELY takes over where as with some other parts I am able to talk to and (somewhat) reason with. I think part of the trigger was that my sister and I were sharing childhood memories and there were very few that I could recall. Thoughts? Advice?

I'm sorry you had such a rough night. I hope today will be better.

We mostly do preventative work. Let everyone know before situations like this (sleeping other places than home, that you are probably going to talk about trigger things etc) and explain in advance what is going to happen, what they can do to calm themselves (and bring things they can calm down with) and let them know what the situation is now (if you're safe etc) and bring it up several times so they can get more comfortable with the idea and not be taken aback by the situation at least.

That's all for now, sorry. Hoping someone else has some better advice.

Well, I haven't got any better advice, sorry! Just wanted to say that I know how hard it is when a little one gets triggered out like that without warning. I hope she's OK now. At least you are able to recognise what some of the triggers might have been. Are you able to think of any others, or talk to her about the kind of things she is afraid of? That might help you prepare better for next time you're in a situation like this.

I think prevention tactics would be your best bet, at least until communication with her improves.

Prevention tactics to try:
-- Talking or writing to everyone about every change beforehand. Even if it's last minute, try to take some time to yourself to just sort of "talk" yourself through what's going on, where you're going to be, stuff like that. Any little bit helps.
-- Reminding yourself and others what topics may be brought up/talked about; talking about calming techniques, warning signs they can give you if something's going too far, maybe making compromises on what is and isn't ok to talk about, stuff like that.
-- Using calming/relaxation techniques on yourself so that others inside may be less triggered. Deep breathing, counting to 10, stepping out for fresh air, stuff like that can all help.
-- Expressing your feelings and thoughts somehow so they're not trapped inside. Sometimes it can help to just get it out of your system. Keep a journal with you, or type notes on a phone or laptop, or something. Have something that you can write in about how to feel and what you're thinking- the expression and venting can help keep it from feeling overwhelming.
-- Using self-talk to help both yourself and others inside. This can be done out loud or inside your head. Remind yourself that you're safe, you're ok, everyone's safe, you're not in the past, and other such things. Remind yourself to breathe calmly and deeply if needed. Tell yourself repeatedly that you're ok, everything's ok and everyone's ok, and to just breathe and relax. Remind yourself consciously to relax any muscles you find yourself tightening, like if you realize you're legs or arms are tensing up or something. Use this even with something seems like it's getting to be too much. Remind yourself to calm down, to think clearly, and that it's ok to be scared but you have to try and stay as calm as possible, stuff like that. Talk through everything that you're doing or want to do- like for going in and waking up our sister. Talk yourself through it, be like "Ok, it's ok. I'm ok. Just breathe deeply. I'm going in to wake her up and it'll all be ok. I'm going to wake her up and let her know that something's wrong, and it'll all be ok. Just stay calm", that sort of stuff.

Remember: just because it doesn't seem like they can hear you, doesn't mean they can't. Self-talk can really help to not only reassure yourself, but reassure anyone inside who's being triggered or is upset or something, and it can help prevent switches sometimes because it helps to calm insiders before they get fully triggered out.



Improving Communication:
-- Talking to/with her consistently and often, even if it seems she can't hear you or doesn't reply. (A simple question of "How are you?" everyday can even help).
-- Writing to her. Sometimes, writing is a better form of communication for alters than verbal communication. This way, she can get back to you on her own time, and it might not be as hard as trying to be on the same "wave length" as you for (immediate) verbal communication.
-- Meditation. This can really help clear your mind and help make you more aware of things inside, which can help build awareness overall and can improve communication.
-- Relaxation/Calming techniques before attempting communication. With littles especially, it can help a great deal to make yourself feel as safe, relaxed, and comfortable as possible before attempting to communicate with them. Surround yourself with safe items like pillows and stuffed animals, maybe eat a comfort snack, listen to some happy/relaxing music, watch a funny/kids movie, have on comfy clothes, etc. The better you feel, the more relaxed and open your mind will be, which can help improve communication and can also help your little to feel better.


I think that's all I can think of, really. I hope some of this helps, and I'm sorry your night was so rough. Definitely treat yourself in some way today, like have a favorite dessert or something!

So sorry that happened

I have some youngers that have gotten like that and what I've found the most helpful is also preventative a bit..reassuring of safety in system,etc.

Something else I did..I connected their "rooms" to those of some bigs they trust..one one each end,with a door for privacy. Is agreed they can go to them or me whenever they feel triggered/fearful.Has taken us a lot of meetings,but the complete takeovers are a bit less frequent nowadays.

Only other thing I can think of is..someone suggested on another site once that I give them brave boots They got to pick out what they looked like ,etc and what they did. One had jets on them so she could get away from stuff that was scary ..seems to have helped.

Not sure if any of those work for you or not,but just a thought.

Thanks everyone. These are some great suggestions. We will definitely do the preventative stuff next time. Jeanie is okay now...although we haven't heard much out of her today. We're all still exhausted from last night. A good night's sleep hopefully awaits!

Hoping you get some good sleep and that things stay calmer now

Mage wrote:Only other thing I can think of is..someone suggested on another site once that I give them brave boots They got to pick out what they looked like ,etc and what they did. One had jets on them so she could get away from stuff that was scary ..seems to have helped.

Brave boots some of us need brave boots at times. Thanks for mentioning. I don't know whether I should let my littlens just think about them, draw them, or imagine wearing them. Perhaps a bit of both.