I have probobly had dd for about 10 years. I believed I was being stalked, my house and car were bugged and people were playing songs on the radio specifically to mess with my head. That my life was broadcast to anyone who wanted to listen to it. And let me tell all the family members, it is hard as hell believing all that for so long. Although I tried to keep my boys (now 10 and 12) out of it for fear of screwing them up later in life, I slipped so many times when I was particularly worried they might say something in private or do something in private that would have repercussions for them later so I would get on them about it ("you know Mommy thinks we are bugged. Don't say that." etc.) I just hope I didn't cause irreparable harm. Of course I didn't tell many people for fear of what they would think of me. Part of my delusion was that there was a "rule" that I wasn't allowed to talk about it, or anyone with me.
I have been on various meds including risperdal and geodon, and several antidepressants. None seemed to work. I remember reading a book called "I know you really love me" (Orion--I think)and remember thinking..."This sounds just like me but in my case its actually true!" The book is about a psychiatrist actually stalked by someone with erotomania, a type of dd
This past January, that book came back to me and I thought maybe I am really sick. What if all this has never been true? All these wasted years?? Wow. And the past month has been a whirlwind, writing in a journal, confronting each delusion for what it is (everytime I hear a song, comment or get that feeling that someone is listening--I tell myself its the illness and do my best to redirect myself...it is quite tiring b/c it happens ALL the time.
I have stopped taking prescribed meds more times than I can count because in my opinion, it didn't change my reality. "THEY" after all were the one's that were stalking me. After my little reawakening in January, I called my psychiatrist who put me on abilify, and started reading everything I considered reputable, including the DSM IV (from the library) on erotomania and dd.
I really believe that knowledge and time are power in this (and while I have no intention of getting off my med since this is the first time in 10years I have believed that I am actually the one with the problem), I am so scared that it is going to come back harder and faster than when it started leaving. Does anyone have any advice on this? Has anyone out there overcome it and kept it at bay? Wil continue to read posts to find my answers, but if anyone wants to email, that would be ok.