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parents splitting, it's turning really nasty :'(

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parents splitting, it's turning really nasty :'(

Postby Hmm » Fri Jun 16, 2017 1:31 am

I'm 29 and have cptsd from my mother.. my dad is finally leaving her and he's staying with me, but she's turned really really emotionally nasty on my 17 year old brothers (I'll call them p and r to make it easier) who are still there... She's told them knowone in the area likes them I.e her and them, that they're using dad as a weapon against her, that our dad doesn't want them.. That my dad has turned me against her and now I'm turning them against her.. she said to P specifically that he'd changed and he's a bully.. P said all he gets from her is nasty mean stuff.. P was to worried for me to call him tonight in case she found out and became threatened..
She's such a narcissist but she also has learning difficulties which makes it much harder to find the line on whether she realises what she's doing.. I feel so guilty that my dad is here and not there with my poor brothers..
originally my dad came up last week to get some distance between them, both so they could get some distance between them and so my dad think without her poisonous manipulative influence...
it was all fairly amicable.. But a few days in to my dad being up here my mums had the locks changed... Has started talking about courts and solicitors and police... Has taken £ 500 out of the joint account leaving it in debt when all the bills are still to come out plus it's actually an account she pays nothing into, she's told friend and family my dad has deserted them, that he wiped the account.... Basically she accuses people of doing what she does...

I'm trying to support my dad in sorting this out and getting support for him from the correct places.. But towards the end of the day My mind is complete shot and imploding that I've been sh again.. I'm trying to help my dad secure accommodation for himself and my brothers.. I really want to go down wrap my baby brothers up and insure them that there amazing and very much loved... I want to bring them up where I live and take care of them... But my 7 year old daughter has her first ballet show in a few weeks and the boys have a few more weeks of college left...

I should of never moved away!
I can't believe it's taken me this long to actually accept that perhaps she uses her learning difficulty as a shield for the behaviour that she expects everyone to put up with... I'm mean, this is abuse isn't it? How can she say such horrible things?
If your not with her you are against her and there for an enemy in her eyes! And that's what fear I am to her now... It stupid of me really to want to hold on to a shite uncaring mother.. But I still live in hope that some day I might see and feel some true selfless compassion from her..

My dad has tried to leave before over the many years they've been together but she convinces him not to either with threats to harm herself or that she'll take him for every penny and he'd never see his kids again or convincing him he's mentally unwell to make that decision...

It's 2am in the uk right now, I doubt I'm going to get much sleep at all tonight... Anybody about to chat and perhaps help me feel not quite so alone and shite?
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Re: parents splitting, it's turning really nasty :'(

Postby Terry E. » Fri Jun 16, 2017 11:40 am

Damm that sounds like my niece's situation. Her mother had a variety of difficulties but that did not stop her being very selfish and manipulative.

The best thing is you are out. Hard to read the writing on the wall in and house (there I said it.. ) You can now look after yourself. You cannot help them when you are trying to live like that.

Nurture yourself, be there for them, and you may be surprised how resilient 17 year olds can be.
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