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Parents Guilt Tripping Me? Invalidation? Emotional Abuse?

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Parents Guilt Tripping Me? Invalidation? Emotional Abuse?

Postby the1stbrisme » Sun Jun 04, 2017 3:10 am

Yesterday, I accidentally signed up for Amazon prime (thought I was signing up for a free trial. I have no idea how this happened) and it took a large amount of money out of my bank account. It is a joint account with my parents. They rushed in my room and notified me that they saw the purchase. They told me that I needed to call and cancel it. This is the real issue of last night, but the conversation turned into making me feel like a horrible person.

They began to tell me that I am lazy, because I have a few things on my floor. Somehow, having things on my floor equals I don't care about anything and I'm ungrateful. Then my mom goes on to make me feel guilty for not buying her gifts. ALL my life they have told me not to worry about spending money on them, but to make good grades and do what they say. Ever since I started college it has become "Spend money on us and if you don't you're selfish and ungrateful." She brought up that I "never think to give her a card". This particular statement really hurt me, because I MAKE PERSONALIZED CARDS FOR MY PARENTS EVERY YEAR WITH POEMS. I have never once not given them a card. In fact I just gave her a card for mother's day that was store bought, because I didn't have time to make my card like I normally do. But apparently I never give cards. It just makes me feel like they don't notice anything I'm trying to do, and that nothing will make them happy.

Then my mom started being condescending and belittling me. Saying stuff like "No one owes you anything" which they always say on the occasion that I make a mistake. She always does this, and it just makes me feel worthless. Then I also feel guilty. It's not like I don't appreciate being raised by my parents. I just want to feel like they actually are proud of me.

For a while I've been feeling like no matter what I do, they aren't satisfied. I'll get really depressed i think. Then I'll try to be better. I had a period of being really good. I didn't have any run-ins with my parents. But then one mistake and I'm back to being selfish, lazy, and ungrateful. I just would like to be able to make a mistake and learn from it without having to feel like I'm a horrible person for making a mistake. I'm not making excuses for what I did. I should've looked closer at the website. But I think that this situation was not an end of the world thing.

And one more thing. During the long lecture I started crying because they were making me feel so horrible, and then they even tried to tell me that I shouldn't cry. They instead tried to tell me how I should react to the things they're saying. This is something I've asked them not to do before, because it really upsets me when they do this. It's getting to the point where I can't even voice my opinions to them anymore. Like I physically can't do it. Tonight my dad even tried to force me to tell him why I was upset and I couldn't even really explain it. Then he proceeded to tell me that I couldn't say anything because "deep down I know I'm mad at myself." This is another thing. It's always my fault. I understand it's my fault for overlooking the Amazon thing, but they also talk to me in a way that is upsetting and if I get upset it's my own fault. It's always "you shouldn't feel this" or "you actually feel this". It's never "I understand how you feel". I'd even accept "I'm sorry you feel that way". But they always just want to tell me how to feel about what they're saying and also blow situations out of proportion.

Also my mom will often take a small mistake and turn it into a situation where she yells at me about not doing anything for her. They just tell me I'm lazy and that I don't do anything for them. All my life they have told me that I only need to make good grades and do what they say. This is literally all I heard growing up. Now that I'm in college, somehow I need to do things for them. t is not clear what I need to do. They never tell me what to do for them only that I never do anything. I'm not sure what they want from me. Instructions are not clear. I feel at a loss at how to please them.

Because of all these things they say to me (and a few past situations) I do always feel slightly angry with them. It's kind of like I remember the feeling of something that upset me, but it happened a while ago so I can't really bring it up. Because of this, I stay in my room a lot and don't really talk to them. But because I do this they get annoyed. Also it causes them to see me as being disrespectful. I don't want to be caught in a conversation that turns into talking about all my faults. I've realized in the past few weeks that I long for more conversations where my good qualities are highlighted. I'm not even sure I have any anymore. I just want them to spend as much time with as much fervor saying good things about me as they do saying bad thing about me.

I guess I just want to vent, but also is that invalidation? And also am I really just selfish? I really don't want to believe I'm a selfish person. I'd like for my selfishness level to be measured on something other than how much money I spend on my parents. Also, is it emotional abuse?
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Re: Parents Guilt Tripping Me? Invalidation? Emotional Abuse?

Postby yobata » Wed Jun 14, 2017 6:37 pm

This sounds exactly like my parents. They belittle you and and tell at you, but at the end of the day it's somehow your fault. It definitely sounds like emotional abuse, and the fact that they make you feel consistently awful is another sign it is. My mom does that thing where if she does something hurtful it's my fault for getting hurt. I can tell we're in very similar situations. :cry:
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Re: Parents Guilt Tripping Me? Invalidation? Emotional Abuse?

Postby the1stbrisme » Sun Jul 02, 2017 3:39 pm

Now they won't let me spend any money from my new job. They said if I spend anything, they will take away my debit card. I feel oppressed in my house now. I just want freedom. I am 20 years old. I will be 21 next year with only one year left of college. No one should be telling me that I can't spend my money.

-- Sun Jul 02, 2017 10:45 am --

And it's always my fault for getting upset. It's always, "we didn't mean it like that so you shouldn't be upset" or "you are wrong to feel like that". If I try to ask why they are making me do something, it's "disrespect".
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