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My Emotional Abuse case (need good and serius discussion)

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My Emotional Abuse case (need good and serius discussion)

Postby SrBronson » Fri Mar 03, 2017 12:56 pm

Sorry for the title, it's very general. Because I'm sure that this is emotional abuse.

First thing first, I am should be embarassed that I discussing cases that mostly happened to young people such as teenagers. I'm not even young adult anymore, I am an adult, 30 yo. But I don't have anyone to discuss with since their reaction will be "they do this because they care ..." I don't need that affirmation, I know how parents feels, and I don't need to be told again, and besides, those kind of reaction proven as unsolving problem.

Here's my situation.
For three decades in my life, I completely trust my dad. In fact, I buy those unsolving advices and believe that what he did is for my best. But later, in my 6th year of consistently doing brainwave therapy and hypnotherapy on youtube, and also being away for several months from home, I realize that I was actually experiencing emotinal abuse.

That abuse was not just one or two, but for now, I'm going to make it simple just by pointing on one major problem that caused everything.

I wasn't allowed to feel.

When my dog died, and I wept, my father would said that I'm being exaggerated. and I should stop it.
When I was angry and express my anger, my father would be more angry, instead of taking it easy (that was proven to be the best reaction, because I did that when my friends angry). With him get angry, he challenge me to fight, I just want to be angry, not share punches to someone.
When I was happy for watching funny movie, my father would tried to shut me up by putting me down; he attack my self esteem for being exaggerated etc.

Yes, he always use that word "exaggeration". if this helps, he have strong "denial" trait in his characteristic. he would deny the rain if it prevents him to buy ciggarettes in the mini mart, but in other time, he would use the rain as reason to cover his laziness (to pick my sister from the bus station).
I can mention any other stuffs he did in my very important and precious time of development, but right now, I want to discuss about this.

what I would like to ask are these :
1. What are your suggestions for me in order to cure my self (I want to express my emotion correctly)?
2. How to survive living with such person, because right now I have to live with my parents?
3. What theme should I study about this? I want to do self-help psychology on google.

I hope for your best reply,
and thank you for your concern.
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Re: My Emotional Abuse case (need good and serius discussion)

Postby seabreezeblue » Thu May 04, 2017 10:34 am

I think that plenty of us will be able to relate to the not being allowed to feel anything..

I'm curious - you say that you can't talk to anyone about this because their reaction would be ''they do this because they care''..

Why would anyone tell you that your dad tells you to shut up and stop displaying emotion because he cares?
Or have I read it wrong and you meant something different?

Can i ask.. how loud exactly are you when weeping or angry? I ask this because I'm thinking about how to answer this question of yours; ''1. What are your suggestions for me in order to cure my self (I want to express my emotion correctly)?''

If at the moment you're able to express emotion, you're able to cry and show that you're angry/cross/miserable.. then you might not need to work on expressing correctly.. (unless oc, you're so loud and animated that you're scaring people around you)

Or has your dad made you stop expressing emotions and you've closed down now?

Number 2 of your questions.. I honestly suggest trying to get out of there rather than dealing with it.. all you can really do if you have no other option is to keep your head down, try and ignore anything that they do that's intended to belittle or hurt you, and start taking steps towards being able to get out of there.

Number 3 of your questions.. maybe start with some reading on something like 'dealing with toxic people', as well as something like 'managing emotions healthily'
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Re: My Emotional Abuse case (need good and serius discussion)

Postby quietgirl2538 » Thu May 04, 2017 1:02 pm

seabreezeblue has given you excellent advice. The first thing I'd look to is to try to find a way to get out of there and if it were me, I'd try my best to leave on good terms for the sake of you all at least talking still once you leave. Why? Because if you ever get into a jam, you can come back (only if you absolutely have to.) Like people say, "don't burn your bridges." Not for their sake, but for yours.

I've lived like that as a young 18 year old. I did run away to other family (long story) and found a job and was on my own even while using public transportation to get places. My uncle helped me a lot.

Don't believe for a minute that what you feel or that your opinions are not important, because they are very important. Just like you are very important. I have found a book that has helped me understand feelings and emotions in a positive way that makes sense. It is called Feeling and Healing your Emotions by Conrad Baars. I re-read it lots of times to hopefully imprint some of the facts it explains instead of what I've learned as a child or teen.

Living with such people as you describe brings me memories of living with my mom as a teen and the only way that I could have some kind of semblance of a "normal life," is to just fake it. Fake that you agree with them, fake that you are happy in order to hopefully just make them stop their bad treatment of you. My mom, I felt, took out her anger out on me. It was not right. My only solution was to understand that it was not me who was in the wrong, but her and that she was a bad person. When I eventually moved out, I didn't have to deal with that. I was free of such a toxic life. I don't want you to feel like you must take bad treatment at all, but I want to get across that, with people like them, you will not make them happy and they will always remain the same unless some real change in them happens. They will have the upper hand and they will make your life miserable because they are bad people. It's the truth that they are bad people.

Other than my book that I recommend, I recommend you to be around your friends who support you and make you feel good. Be around others who make you feel like you are a good person.

Let me know what you think. This is all just my thinking and I'm open to back and forth discussion because I know it's a very difficult situation you are in. Hugs if wanted.
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