me and a buddy of mine who i only know on the internet were discussing some things about our own experiences with dysfunctional relationships, family violence + abuse and criminal activities. we dug deeper and dug into the psyche of ourselves and came to the following conclusions about what psychological phenomenon that we both experience.
now, there's no subsection here for abuse in general and so i saw no other place to put it but for here. so, please bare with me. if this topic fits into another subsection, please move it to that one.
here's what we've dug up so far:
i think a lot of what we discussed has to have some hereditary or genetic basis, though:
family history of child abuse, child neglect, child sexual abuse, domestic violence, family violence, failed marriages, bullying and criminal activity.
family mental health history of what may be personality disorders of the antisocial/narcissistic type and/or mood disorders.
ourselves as unique people:
I don't consider myself a sociopath, psychopath or a narcissist by any stretch of the term.
but it is undeniable that what we've described within ourselves has to do with some sociopath, psychopath or narcissist personality traits that we've acquired through a hereditary or genetic basis, or both. either or, they're a part of our own unique underlying temperament that is all pervasive in elements of our character and personality.
mood disorders are also likely handed down through a hereditary or genetic basis, given our negative range of mood which rage from being very irritable to full blown unrestrained enraged. either or, it's a part of our own unique underlying temperament that is all pervasive in elements of our character and personality.
specifically, these personality traits that are derived from psychological, behavioral, social, environmental, hereditary and genetic factors include:
a defense mechanism system that is made up of many traits and consists of: a superiority complex, projection, impulsiveness to manipulate and abuse other people, constructed self image(s) that only exists in your mind, masking your manipulation and abuse of others when out in public but fully acting on it in private and being nasty to a few but good to the rest.
this defense mechanism system is only found when you are very vulnerable and insecure as a whole person or only in certain aspects of your mind. even if you are not vulnerable and insecure as a whole person or only in certain aspects of your mind, some of these traits will pop up now and then. these traits will pop up and will be fleeting. they are so normal to you that you fail to detect them in the moment as they are happening but instead detect them after you look back on what happened any given amount of time ago and realize that you were experiencing them right then and there.
rage and homicidal ideation is present.
homicidal ideation on a regular basis regardless of rage; we can be irritated, enraged or neutral in terms of our present mood yet homicidal ideation will cross our minds anyway.
thoughts of homicide against non existent people in situations such as: warfare, criminal activity, family violence situations, self defense, honorably defending another person's life against another violent person or in revenge plots against other real people who have ###$ us over in some way, shape or form are very prevalent.
suicidal ideation is very rare. suicidal ideation is only experienced when we become depressed because of our own bad choices or toxic social and environmental factors. however, for the most part, suicidal ideation is experienced with connection with homicidal ideation. it is far more typical to experience suicidal ideation when connected with something such as a life shattering event or a murder-suicide situation.
traits such as diminished emotions in general but especially diminished emotional empathy and emotional remorse seem to be present in the two of us. we'll be cognitively empathetic and cognitively remorseful and passionate about helping people. but this passion is more of an inner feeling than it is anything emotional.
emotions such as happiness, sadness, fear, love and hatred are either non existent and/or rarely come and go (they're fleeting).
fear is experienced in the form of dread, intimidation, apprehension and paranoia.
depression and anxiety is rare. if experienced, it is experienced because of poor decision making or psychological and behavioral issues which stem from being in toxic social and environmental factors for prolonged periods of time. this depression and anxiety can go away through hard work done in the form of mental and emotional self improvement, however.
little to no internalization of positivity such as sympathy, empathy, unconditional love or genuinely supportive people treating us with civility whatsoever; not even in the slightest. respect, however, is definitely internalized and understood.
confidence, high self esteem and assertiveness is one of the few things that underpin all of this. you feel good about yourself on a daily basis despite your tough struggles. you believe in yourself to get yourself through $#%^ and you believe that while there are plenty of bad people out there, there are just as many good people, if not more good people, who will help you along the way, should you want and/or need it.
you are a very analytical person and can read people through psychoanalysis. you rapidly absorb psychiatric terms used to describe behaviors found within people who grew up within abusive families. you know dynamics of dysfunctional relationships and abusive families like the back of your hand.
does anybody else in this forum or the abuse subsection in general experience the same things as me and my buddy do? me and my buddy have reported experiencing the exact same things, again, which we've compiled above together.
we definitely don't experience depression, anxiety and PTSD. or, at least, i know for a fact that i don't. i have been screened by my own doctor (general practitioner) as well as two different psychologists for depression, anxiety and PTSD and there was none found. i do not believe that we have personality disorders and i know for a fact that i don't have them. i have been screened for them by the aforementioned 3 people and none were found. i have also been screened for psychosis, psychotic OCD and schizophrenia and none of those three were found in me.
thoughts on this?