Interesting article about BPD XD

It is important in looking at any personality type to uncover the central issue. If the issue is abandonment of independence, the person is suffering from borderline tendencies, while issues of specialness and responsibility are central to the histrionic and passive aggressive personalities, and issues related to abandonment of one's vulnerability are central to the narcissist. In any case, deciphering the central issue leads to the method that must be employed in helping that particular personality type, even if such methods might be quite difficult to manage.

The borderline individual's chance at recovery from their desolate and chaotic state, unfortunately, only occurs in extraordinary circumstances. Recovery requires frequent contact with a person who can simultaneously demonstrate, with unwavering certainty, that they care very deeply for the borderline and that they will not tolerate interference with their own boundaries. Such a person must possess supreme confidence in their own personality. They must be able to manage every kind of attack or manipulation with kindness and understanding, and yet never give in. Giving in to the borderline's merger fantasy, or accepting their withdrawal, rage, or blame, results in the borderline believing they are in control. True recognition of the borderline's independence cannot thus occur and the borderline can never achieve a feeling that they are truly independent. In the end, only the recognition of their true self, given from a truly independent yet loving other, can permit the borderline to build within themselves the confidence they need to truly be independent. In the end, only the recognition that no one has control in relationships, and that everyone must control themselves, a recognition that is made possible only by becoming truly independent, can save the borderline from never-ending sorrow within relationships, and can finally make the borderline feel whole by themselves and capable of living full and integrated lives within relationships and among others.


whole article is here : http://www.drbochner.com/articles_on_ps ... y_disorder

When in the hell do Borderlines think we can 'control' a person/the relationship? I don't like that article. Makes us sound like freaks, just like BPDfamily.

Lia_Interrupted wrote:When in the hell do Borderlines think we can 'control' a person/the relationship? I don't like that article. Makes us sound like freaks, just like BPDfamily.

I was doing some reading and found the following...
"Re: What about BPD do you LIKE?", Postby Lia_Interrupted » Fri Dec 02, 2011 8:23 pm

Lia_Interrupted wrote:I love that I can hate someone so easily, and just remove people from my life like some kind of sociopath.

so, I wonder now...
what makes persons LOVE that they
"can hate someone so easily, and just remove people from my life like some kind of sociopath."
about BPD... or anything else...
What is to like about it ? What does it do ?
I mean... other than feeding the thinking "we can 'control' a person/the relationship"...?

Just exploring the concept of control...
Always greatly appreciate this forum's input.

ButHeartOfAnAngel wrote:

Lia_Interrupted wrote:When in the hell do Borderlines think we can 'control' a person/the relationship? I don't like that article. Makes us sound like freaks, just like BPDfamily.

I was doing some reading and found the following...
"Re: What about BPD do you LIKE?", Postby Lia_Interrupted » Fri Dec 02, 2011 8:23 pm

Lia_Interrupted wrote:I love that I can hate someone so easily, and just remove people from my life like some kind of sociopath.

so, I wonder now...
what makes persons LOVE that they
"can hate someone so easily, and just remove people from my life like some kind of sociopath."
about BPD... or anything else...
What is to like about it ? What does it do ?
I mean... other than feeding the thinking "we can 'control' a person/the relationship"...?

Just exploring the concept of control...
Always greatly appreciate this forum's input.

I'm not really sure what you're quite getting at? Can you explain more? If you want me to explain better, it's easy for me to split someone black when they've pissed me off or upset me and take them out of my line of contact (Phone, Facebook, Skype, whatever). So that's what I meant. I don't control people, I just control who I wanna keep in my life. I don't make them stay there. Hell, people have abandoned me a lot over the years. I had a huge social life this time last year, and now I have nothing, mostly because they couldn't 'cope'. I just take d*ckheads out of my life with no attachment.

I don't like that article.
Admittedly, some of it I can identify with. However, it doesn't acknowledge at all that people with BPD, like any other people, can mature emotionally, given time and effort.

They make it sound like anyone with BPD is automatically going to be a bad parent. I can't speak from personal experience, but I don't think that's true.

And I don't think recovery is only possible in extraordinary circumstances. I know several people diagnosed with BPD, who are now doing really well.

Like I said in the chat, I don't trust any doctors on the internet trying to sell something.

I think his view on BPD may be skewed by HIS lack of success treating the disorder. With qualified mental health professionals, it IS possible for someone with BPD to recover if they are dedicated to their recovery.

His attitude towards BPD recovery is a good indicator that his patients will NOT successfully recover. It is imperative that the person treating the patient has a very optimistic view on their recovery. This is stated in quite a bit in literature on treating BPD. If the person treating the patient is NOT optimistic, the patient won't be either, and that just reinforces the pwBPD's negative outlook on themselves and the world.

Yeah, I wasn't too crazy about that article either. It does have a few agreeable points, but the doctor definitely sounds very pessimistic about treatment.

As far as:

Lia_Interrupted wrote:When in the hell do Borderlines think we can 'control' a person/the relationship? I don't like that article. Makes us sound like freaks, just like BPDfamily.

While I don't always agree with it, I can see how it can be seen like that. I like to think that most people with personality disorders don't consciously do things, like manipulating people, but I do think that, as someone with bpd myself, they know how to get what they want subconsciously. It's like a younger child, they don't want to cause anyone pain, but they know that if they scream, they'll get attention.

Parts of the article make sense, I want a relationship where I can be in control, yes it may flip at times. Once in that controlling relationship I can feel in control and independent..or putting BPD at bay or miraculously recover. Also independent in the sense of I can do enough for myself to be in full control of my daily life or being fulfilled by a relationship..meaning..cant do it alone is what I get out of it

This might sound mean but sometimes I can't help but wonder if some of these articles aren't inspired by the authors' personal, semi-romantic fantasies.

Why is the author assuming that a BPDer can't recover (i.e. develop a sense of independence and a complete ego) without being in a relationship?

I personally know a recovered BPDer in her 60's who was a spinster almost her entire life (by choice) who no longer matches any of the DSM criteria for BPD nowadays. She achieved this via decades of therapy and self work, not by having some gallant "savior" there to hold her hand and fight off her demons for her…

I've also done most of my own recovery in between relationships and not during them. If anything I think they often get in the way of recovery specifically because what we need is to develop a sense of independence and complete egos rather than get into relationships where enmeshment is inevitable.

Honestly, among all these articles about the BPDers' role in the BPD relationship, one of these days I'd like to see at least one article about the issue of nons with daddy complexes.