What is the best way to help someone close to you with BDP?

I know im only 18 so it might be a lot to deal with but he was my ex of 2 years + now were really close friends. I don't think his support worker is helping him as much as she should be, he has got alot of help in the past and has got off drugs + learn't to be able to handle his emotions a little bit better but i think i need him get a step further, i know it will take alot to motivate him but im willing to try the best i can, i want him to experience different feelings hes never felt before, to actually see the grey part instead of black and white and for him to be able to love. He doesn't think he needs help but i know he does, his relationships are quite unhealthy (knowing as his ex) hes quite emotionally abusive as well and i want him to be able to control his emotions better in that way. Now hes off his meds to help him get off drugs, hes back on them.. so i need to get him back to DRs also to get back on his script and get cognotive therapy to get him off them for good. Im just thinking if noone else is helping him do this, i need to... as he wont help himself..

so Do you know how i can help him,
where he can go,
what i can do to motivate him?

ETC thanks :

Ok, let me br

by wineaux » Tue Dec 20, 2011 7:23 pm

Ok, let me br

What?

thatgirlxx1992 wrote:I know im only 18 so it might be a lot to deal with but he was my ex of 2 years + now were really close friends. I don't think his support worker is helping him as much as she should be, he has got alot of help in the past and has got off drugs + learn't to be able to handle his emotions a little bit better but i think i need him get a step further, i know it will take alot to motivate him but im willing to try the best i can, i want him to experience different feelings hes never felt before, to actually see the grey part instead of black and white and for him to be able to love. He doesn't think he needs help but i know he does, his relationships are quite unhealthy (knowing as his ex) hes quite emotionally abusive as well and i want him to be able to control his emotions better in that way. Now hes off his meds to help him get off drugs, hes back on them.. so i need to get him back to DRs also to get back on his script and get cognotive therapy to get him off them for good. Im just thinking if noone else is helping him do this, i need to... as he wont help himself..

so Do you know how i can help him,
where he can go,
what i can do to motivate him?

ETC thanks :

Your post is a bit strange to me with all the , "I need", "I need", "I know what's best" etc.

You don't need anything. You can be a friend, suggest things, stop acting like you know what's best for him. He's a big boy, and can make decisions for himself, and if he chooses not to get help, that ultimately his problem and NOT yours...

Moral of the story: Be a friend, offer suggestions, and accept the fact he may want to.

The only reason why he's distancing himself from you is that he thinks you're a malignant pain in the ass. Good God, I can't blame him for pushing you away.

yeah cant help but realise youre flooding us with the same crap every day

you cant force someone to get help, its not about you and what you want or need, its their life just leave them to it, the more you force someone to do something the more they push you away.. theres obviously a reason youre his ex and hes avoiding you.. thats not because hes "borderline"

I do agree that it is his life, but I don't think being harsh to someone who wants to help is the only response to consider to the question. I think you should consider taking a step back, and really try to visualize where you actually stand with him. If you are a really close friend, then a really close friend wouldn't ever force someone to do anything they didn't want or ready to do so.

A close friend would be there to pick him up when he falls. Listen to him when he is flooded with emotions. Help him when he asks of it. The only time you should ever consider forcing him to do anything, is if he ever decided to end his life and in the act, and that is picking up the phone to call for help.

Just be there for him, and realize that trying to make someone with BPD do something is a lot like telling a president to step down because you don't approve of his actions. He's going to do what he's going to do, and unless he's harming anyone physically or himself to the point of possibly ending his life, there's nothing you can do. Unless of course you want to run him away, or you don't wish to be a part of his life anymore.

Didnt read the post. Replies were honest but not helpful. I will answer the question in the post title.

Thank you for tsking into consideration what we said in the bpds vs people with bpd thread. I appreciate the effirt you put to not offend. This is tactful of you and i think you are trying.

As for the question. Validation and emotional security are two things people with bpd need. If you try to force him to be close to you, his feeling of not wanting to is being invalidated. You are telling him he should not geel that way. I dont know about him, but i am used to that feeling. The feeling that how i feel doesnt matter. I am not understood, and my voice is unheard. That is when i get louder to be heard usually.

If he says something, take a moment to see his perspective. Y
Let him know you understand or are trying to understand. Hear him out. Respect his boundaries. These.are the things best for someone with bpd. That will give you the best shot at another chance. Doesnt mean youll get it, but it might help him or you.

Hope that helps you.

invisable wrote:Didnt read the post.

Maybe you should have!! Her post was ALL about her... SHE is NOT his Mommy.. Her post is ALL about her, ALL about how she knows what is best for him, ALL about changing him into what she sees as being whatever person she envisions that he should be. It's not about him, It's about HER.

So don't read the thread title and not the post and assume that we're not being helpful. You don't have all the information, and are making assumption because you don't have all the facts. So the advice given above was quite relevent to the post that she wrote...

15407 wrote:The only reason why he's distancing himself from you is that he thinks you're a malignant pain in the ass. Good God, I can't blame him for pushing you away.

This. This is freaking HILARIOUS. I truly needed that in my hangover today.

Thank you, for making my day.

AMP

Honestly i didnt read it because i would get mad if i read another. My reply was for his sake not hers. Although, if she takes it her life will be better.

I didnt think you guys were out of line. She is asking a lot of people with disorders posting stuff like this and not being considerate. But i honestly thing she is doing her best. When i think that, i do my best to help. I do my best too. She is young. Im trying to change the stigma of bpd. I can put in effort if she does. I hope she sifts these replies and can get along better here.

I dont want any more people sour about bpd. I have created enough.

Op: my advice is real. I mean all of it. But yeah, more advice after reading it. The sooner you can see something from anothers petspective and act for the good of all, the easier life gets.

Peace.