Compensating Rejection

Well, I couldnt think of anywhere better to share this.

For the first time in 44yrs I have reversed the cards and correctly directed!! I recomend this as treatment for bpd'ers

I was unhappy with my boyfriends treatment toward me, and I let him know it and then
I dumped him. I told him these things:

You hurt my feelings
You are mean to me
You confuse me
You make me feel unwanted
You make me feel like you hate me
You make me feel rejected
You make me sad and lonley
I cut because of you

I can not tell any of you, how good this felt for me to hold someone accountable for once and call them out on what they are doing to me. These feelings were obvious tension in me, and I listened to my instincts and called it out, instead of suppressing it!! Instead of waiting for him to dump me, or living with the stress of avoiding him abandoning me, or to keep accepting his treatment against my instincts, I did not. I told him that this is how he treats me, and I don't like it!!! We have talked since. He was rude to me, and I told him!! This is all a result of my self awareness work that I have been doing for the past month in therapy. I'm getting actually connected enough to my self and feelings, that I can tell how he was treating me, and I told him I did not like it and would not put up with it anymore.
This is creating good Karma for me too. Because I am starting to recognize how I do not like to be treated, and am VALIDATING that in myself, by myself!!

I had to share this, because I am getting sick of putting up with feelings of rejection and adandonment from others. It's not going to happen anymore, because I am starting to see how and why it happens!!!!!!!!!

YAAAAAAAAAY!!! BIG HUGS, AND WAY TO GO!!!!

I'm REALLY happy for you! Write down the day and consider it a MILESTONE!!!

YES! (fist bumps)


AMP

MissAli wrote:YAAAAAAAAAY!!! BIG HUGS, AND WAY TO GO!!!!
I'm REALLY happy for you! Write down the day and consider it a MILESTONE!!!
YES! (fist bumps)
AMP

Thank you MissAli! It's one of them empiphany moments Self awareness is my favorite thing!

Does your BF do all those things?

Or do you do those things to yourself through him?

Twistedmister wrote:Does your BF do all those things?
Or do you do those things to yourself through him?

These are insightful questions. Thank you.
I do see him (as i do all others) in the mirror image of myself, but it is clear where he begins and where I end. I don't have enmeshment issues due to severe claustrophobia and severe anxiety. I know it is him. I come to him with excitement, enthusiasm, curiousity, eagerness, love, compassion, warmth. After a few min of interaction, I experience confusion in me right away, and then I feel sad, lonley, invalidated, ignored, invisible and rejected. I ask him questions and he ignores them and does not answer me. He never asks me questions, or shows interest or inquirey into what I say. I tell him something, and he runs with it, as if he knows all about it, often based on assumptions and ends up trying to control the interaction, rather than equal participation (and I am not able to tolerate controlling individuals due to my claustrophobia and anxiety signals and inner alerts---literally, they are that powerful). And if I express feelings to him of feeling sad or frustrated ect, he runs and avoids like it is something 'bad'- VERY DANGEROUS for me to be around someone like that (this is where feelings of invalidation and emptiness can also come from). He has self judgement issues obviously. The way my feelings and instincts respond to him, is all I need to know.

Instead of suppressing my feelings and trying to change them and the conditions that perpetuate them, I accepted them, embraced them and let him know them, for once, directed them at the correct source. I did not blame him for anything, just expressed my own feelings to him. Of course, he ran like the coward he is. I don't respect people like that. Means he has possible issues with his own feelings and does not accept himself (he is full of judgement possibly- Very Dangerous!)

Well sanity is peace of mind right? I say good for you that you could get out of a toxic situation so that you can continue your healing process. If in fact you were projecting on him, you wouldn't have the discrete clues you gave in your last post. What I mean to say is when I project, since I'm self-aware as well, I can tell that I'm doing it and it feels 'off', no other way to describe it.

I'm happy to read that you are taking care of yourself and would like to point out that no one can 'make' us feel things we don't want to, there is great freedom in that!

Well good then. : )


Are most men you've been with.......like that? Is this a pattern for you?

Twistedmister wrote:Are most men you've been with.......like that? Is this a pattern for you?

Yes, but not anymore I always felt too guilty to express these feelings. I did not want to inflict feelings of rejections or adandonment on them, or make them feel unwanted. That was definately projecting behavior. Now, I know that is harmful to me and to the guy. Plus if I suppress all that, these are where the feelings of being invisible and empty come from, from suppression until I bury myself and disappear.

from suppression until I bury myself and disappear.

Exactly! Thank you very much ..........