Ask a BPD: Questions From Nons To BPDs (May Trigger)

The purpose of this thread is to provide a RESPECTFUL place where Nons can ask questions of BPDs.

If you are a borderline OR a "Non" who is sensitive to triggering information/discussion, please avoid replies or further reading of this thread.

This thread, its replies and discussions do not necessarily reflect the views of pyschforums.com. It is not intended to be a diagnostic tool. Opinions will vary by poster.

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Many times, people who either don't have or are not diagnosed with borderline personality disorder have questions for BPDs. The purpose of this thread is to provide a place where Nons can ask questions which BPDs can answer if they wish.

If you are a Non and are looking for support from other nons, please visit the Non-borderline support thread.

As always, please keep discussions civil and respectful. Thank you.

--FrayedEndOfSanity

A good idea Frayed.

applepiexx

Thanks. Hopefully, we can all mingle nicely here.

--Frayed

Good idea~!! Hopefully, this will help everyone involved. ^_^

So I went to my therapist and gave her an overview of myself....after hearing everything she said that she wants to give me some DBT. Now I looked this up and it said it's mainly for BPD, could she be suggesting that I have BPD? I know that personality disorder sufferers don't know they have a personality disorder because they cannot see that their actions are wrong...I wrote an entire 10 page paper on them! But I don't think I have it....the questions are:

Has DBT worked for you?
How can you know that you've got BPD?

Hi titus,

Slight correction: SOMETIMES people with personality disorders don't know they have one. Just like sometimes "normal" people have no idea of the impact their actions have on others.

BPD isn't black and white. Many people have traits of BPD, but not to an extent that it severely interferes with their lives and the lives of others. When the traits become severe enough, that's when they start qualifying as a "disorder."

DBT has worked for a close friend of mine with BPD. I have personally not been through it. However, DBT is not just for personality disorders. It's also "a treatment for severe and persistent emotional and behavioral difficulties, including personality disorders, affective [emotional] disorders, substance abuse, eating disorders, suicide and self-injury." In other words, it doesn't automatically mean that you have a specific personality disorder. What DBT does, in essence, is re-teach someone how to function better. It's basically very structured self-improvement. It teaches "core mindfulness, distress tolerance, emotional regulation and interpersonal effectiveness." This is a beneficial thing to learn for everyone who has difficulty tolerating stress, i.e., most people, with or without a personality disorder.

Here, check this out:
http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/index.html
Here's a simple explanation from the same page:
http://www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/what_is_dbt_1.html

I have BPD. (Surprise! ) I know I have it. I'm self-aware. That's the key. It took me a long time to become aware of what I was actually doing. So recovery is possible.

Self-awareness is important no matter what you're going through. It was less important for me to actually get the diagnosis 8 years ago. I thought, "OK...I know my emotions are all over the place...that's nothing new." What I didn't realize (i.e., was not self-aware of) was that, even after I got the diagnosis, I was still raging on people, regularly driving 95 mph through icy and rainy weather and self-medicating with alcohol. Once I actually realized that I was doing all of those things, that's when I started taking them individually and working toward stopping those behaviors.

That's what "mindfulness" is. Remaining self-aware.

If you have more questions, feel free to post. I'll tell you how it was and sometimes still is for me.

--Frayed

DBT is actually my next step. There are still things that I feel I need to work on.

Thanks man...that really does help me out. I hope we both benefit from DBT!

My ubpdgf/exgf have not yet decided what our relationship will be. We dated for awhile until she started acting 'unusually.' I learned about bpd about three months ago and it fits the relationship perfectly. To be honest, I don't even know if we are still seeing each other or not. That said, she will flirt with people in front of me and talked about dating others with mutual friends. This is obviously incredibly hurtful to me as we never officially stopped.

How can I best confront her on this? I feel like it's wrong for her to do this in front of me, and I want to set the boundary that this is not ok with me, and it can't continue. I refuse to be around someone who does this. How is it best to relay that sentiment though? Letter? Convo? If convo, what words would work best to not freak her out. I still don't do well at phrasing things in a way that keeps us cool and on track. Usually she ends up getting mad that we're talking about feelings and just shuts down or changes the topic 20 times.

Hi jardin,

Welcome to the forums.

Every person is different, so I can't tell you for sure what would work. You can try to talk to her. 20 minutes is usually plenty of time to say something along the lines of, "I don't like this in our relationship; it makes me uncomfortable. I understand if you want to date and flirt with others, but this is not acceptable to me. If you want to continue to do this, I will have to let you do this without me."

If someone refuses to respect your boundaries, they're probably not a good match for you, BPD or not.

This site is geared specifically to the support of people who are dealing with BPD partners:
http://www.bpdfamily.com/discussions/message_board.htm

I hope that you will find an answer there, and I also hope that some of the regulars here will also add to the discussion.

Good luck to you.

--Frayed

I am, new here. I have read alot of information and you could put my husband in most of what I read, no he has not been diagnosed. One question because I am on the edge. I am currently in the no win place and I could tell myself all day that it is not about me, I can validated...etc..we get through one thing just to have whatever next comes to his mind.,, and after 4 days of this I am on the verge of telling him where he can put his socks. Ok I lost it.. I did tell him that I must be real good if I can make his birthday miserable 2 days in advance.

I am trying to maintain, because he is suppose to see a therapist the 1st...is on meds.. but does any one have any other helpful ideas.