FeelingBetter ~ You just said word-for-word my whole story.
I'm trying to let go after a 6-year relationship with someone who recently told me I am a "mentally ill master manipulator" and she has "high standards when it comes to friends and I don't fit."
It's been two and a half weeks and I do feel better, but I've wanted to write her and either 1. Tell her how angry I am and how much it hurt - what she did to me; and 2. Run back to her with my tail between my legs and beg for forgiveness. I promised my therapist I would not contact her and I haven't, but it's been really hard.
She has abused me for years... Emotionally. I am BPD and she is not although I have always thought she is BPD because of her moods, anger and the way she treats me. One minute she loves me and the next she hates me.
Then again, I do the same thing to her.
I think you're doing the right thing by not going back. And I can't believe I said that considering my friend told me she's never coming back. If you've lost your self-worth (as I have too) then it's not a healthy relationship. I too have been on this loop with her... We're happy then I do something and she gets mad and then she's happy with me again.
Being BPD I finally know this isn't healthy for me and I'm working hard to be a better person when it comes to relationships. She doesn't admit she's BPD and will keep doing this over and over again to others. I've seen her treat her own family like crap.
Anyway, I have to stay away from her, but it's so hard.
Didn't mean to turn this into a story about me, but I am just distraught over this whole thing... Knowing she's not healthy for me and finally after 6 years losing her because of the way she says I act.
Like I said, I think it's good that you're not going back. Living with a BPD person is very hard. Once they get help and realize their problems they can be in a healthy relationship again. I struggle daily with not showing my BPD symptoms. But at least I'm aware of them now. That means I have a shot at being a healthier person.
Blue ~ I think that's what I've finally done - like you, accepted my illness. That's the first step, they say. And then you can work on changing things.
BPD isn't a "life sentence." Those who are aware of their symptoms can get better.
Downtown ~ I agree with you totally. Had these things not happened in my relationship with her I would have probably not gotten help. I'm glad you pointed that out. Thank you.
To all nons: It takes a special person to hang in there with "us." It's not easy by any means. It also takes a strong person to realize that no matter what you do the relationship won't get better until the BPD acknowledges their illness and accepts it. Sometimes it's just not going to work.
Thanks for allowing me to open up here. I really feel this forum helps me a lot. Stick around, k? Hugs to all ~ Sly