I disagree with my therapist

Hello guys, I'm having a bit of an issue here and I feel like no one understands my opinion or concerns. So me and my therapist have discussed different diagnoses, and she believes I have bipolar. Personally I disagree and I think I am borderline. I honestly think I'm just going to self-diagnose at this point because she doesn't seem to understand.
This is why I think I'm borderline.
I have no sense of self and I tend to mirror people around me in an attempt to form my missing identity. I copy peoples mannerisms, style, opinions, etc. I would say I am a chameleon.
I have uncontrollable outbursts where I make constant suicide threats towards loved ones and friends when I feel abandoned or stressed. I think I do this so people will be concerned and pay attention to me. I don't want this to come off bad, but the attention gives me validation and makes me things will be ok. My therapist even described that I have an inner child who isn't emotionally immature and wasn't able to establish ways to deal with my emotions.
I suffer from depersonalization/derealization
I self harm. Cutting, punching myself in the face, destroying my environment etc.
I have unstable relationships because I'm always pushing and pulling people, and I push people away with my horrible outbursts and attention seeking (I've literally posted on Facebook so many times hoping someone would see my pain and need for help.
I'm very impulsive and my decisions are either in the moment or I need people to make decisions for me because I truly never know what I want. My anger is also impulsive and I say very horrible and unforgivable things when this happens.
I split on myself and others and I see everything in black and white. I feel that either my life is horrible and I want to end it or I'm the $#%^ and I can do anything (mostly feel like $#%^ though)
Constant ups and downs. When I'm up it's manic-like bursts that last a few hours.
I was severely abused by my mother who I suspect is either a borderline or narcissist herself.
I have gender confusion, however my sexuality is pretty set in stone. I'm an 18 year old gay male.
I have severe OCD and I hyper focus and worry about irrational fears
I had an intense fear of being a narcissist
Lastly, I feel empty a lot especially when people are not around. I need people to make me feel whole.
I know no one can diagnose, but I would appreciate some insight as to how other borderlines feel about their circumstances.

-- Sat Aug 12, 2017 11:44 am --

Sorry, correction. I meant to say my therapist said I'm emotionally immature.

Doctors are people too, and some times they make mistakes too.

There's nothing stopping you from getting a second opinion if that's what you truly want. But considering that you're 18, your brain isn't fully developed yet. And nothing you say says anything to me except that and OCD like you said.

Perhaps focusing on some goals at this stage of your life might help give you some focus and direction.

Regsrdless, keeping the lines of communication open with a therapist never hurts.

Thanks for shopping with PsychForums.

Hi!

I had all those symptoms, except for the OCD that only developed later, at 18. My current dx is bipolar, 12 years later, but I still have borderline traits that don't fit the bipolar "experience".

Some researchers say BPD belongs in what they call the bipolar spectrum. They aren't that far from each other, to be honest. I know a lot of people with BP that have BPD traits. And all people with BPD have BP traits.. the only real difference is symptoms in bipolar usually only manifest during hypo/manic/depressive episodes, while in BPD they're more constant.

I agree with a second opinion if a label means that much to you, but to be honest, after years of incorrect diagnosis I don't give a crap about labels, as long as the treatment fits.

Good luck

Ok so I think I stand corrected. I did something bad. I decided to stop taking my bipolar meds because I thought it was pointless since in my head I decided I was not bipolar. After about a week of not taking them I went into a mixed episode. Yikes.

-- Wed Aug 23, 2017 8:39 am --

Minnii wrote:Hi!

I had all those symptoms, except for the OCD that only developed later, at 18. My current dx is bipolar, 12 years later, but I still have borderline traits that don't fit the bipolar "experience".

Some researchers say BPD belongs in what they call the bipolar spectrum. They aren't that far from each other, to be honest. I know a lot of people with BP that have BPD traits. And all people with BPD have BP traits.. the only real difference is symptoms in bipolar usually only manifest during hypo/manic/depressive episodes, while in BPD they're more constant.

I agree with a second opinion if a label means that much to you, but to be honest, after years of incorrect diagnosis I don't give a crap about labels, as long as the treatment fits.

Good luck

So you had gender confusion as well?

sickofbeinginvalid wrote:So you had gender confusion as well?

Yes, due to my mother wanting me a boy. But not dysphoria. Just fluidity until I accepted my femininity in my 20's.

I disagreed with my therapist too. She told my I probably had BPD. I knew she was wrong. I was schizophrenic. She was a stupid, selfish person who just wasn't listening to me because she was too focussed on her pending retirement, and I fired her.

I was wrong. Probably.

Either that or the guy 20 years ago who suspected I was schizophrenic was wrong.

See the problem?

Sometimes they know that they're talking about and sometimes they're just stupid, fallible human beings. It's impossible to know for sure which.

My advice would be to trust them if they seem intelligent and actually engaged and listening to what you say. Trust them, just don't put blind or unquestioning trust in them, if you know what I mean. Trust them, but don't surrender the right to think for yourself.

And for heaven sakes, hell her (him?) if you disagree.

I'm slightly amused.

I just found your other thread of a few months ago where you were mad because no one believed you were bipolar and it was making you feel invalidated.

At least you picked the right user name.