Can being persistent reaching out make things better?

I was seeing a person with BPD last year and then $#%^ happened. I'm not exactly an ex. We werent official and not together for very long at all. I said something triggering I think about leaving and then things drastically changed. She told me she didn't want to see me in a million years. She told me I'm too emotional for her which was strange since I wasnt even being emotional and that shes not good with handling relationships. I miss her. It's been a full year since I have seen her and thought about her again. Is it bad to be persistent in reaching out now and again if she continues to ignore me? I havent messaged for a while but I am guessing she will ignore me again. I am not sure. What are your thoughts/opinions on being persistent? I think I want another chance with her.
Thanks

after my nervous breakdown and subsequent anger outbursts, i cut myself from my friends.
now when i tried to get back, some returned my calls, some didn't.

i think it depends on the relation before the breakdown. 3 people ignored me. one was a friend, 2 were acquaintances. i wish they replied my calls, and accepting their choice is hard.

at times i feel too much guilt and feel like texting them again. but i instead force myself to talk to the ones who replied.

jaus tail wrote:after my nervous breakdown and subsequent anger outbursts, i cut myself from my friends.
now when i tried to get back, some returned my calls, some didn't.

i think it depends on the relation before the breakdown. 3 people ignored me. one was a friend, 2 were acquaintances. i wish they replied my calls, and accepting their choice is hard.

at times i feel too much guilt and feel like texting them again. but i instead force myself to talk to the ones who replied.

Hope you've been better.
I assume she won't answer but I might try again. It sucks. I miss her company. I just want to see her again and I wish we didn't end on such bad terms. I was hoping that if I was persistent enough that maybe it'll be seen as a good thing for her and validating thing that I still want to stay in touch after all these months but if she doesn't like me at all then it will be seen as stalkerish, nuisance, horrible I guess.Like 'ugh not you again!' It could go either way.

With BPD, "splitting" is common and is only to be expected in a lot of cases. The problem I have when I split, however, is I tend to make myself scarce for so long that it makes it difficult and awkward to reconnect. It feels as if every time we do talk, I have to apologize for something. That feeling of guilt gives me extreme anxiety, to the point where I cannot even text or reply to a facebook message because it feels like "all eyes on me". o__o;;

Don't know if that helped, it probably didn't. But reaching out wouldn't hurt.

I think like jaus said, it really depends.

tbh I have an ex who has been persistently reaching out for two years now. The first year, I completely ignored her, I didn't say a word to her because it would always end up being an argument, she would just get angry and accuse me of being shallow and horrible for not wanting her anymore. I spent a year getting messages anywhere between "you're my soulmate, please talk to me, I'll love you forever petname", "hey what's up" and "you're a worthless a-hole and I hope you rot in hell you SOB." I'm the one with diagnosed BPD, by the way, lol. I eventually started talking to her again because I found she harassed me less if I threw her a bone here and there. Yes. That's the reason why. I don't think anyone wants to be that person lol. She doesn't harass me with anger anymore, she just sends me selfies now and again, tells me she loves me, or tries to make me jealous by talking about all these guys who want to date or have sex with her. I did express to her why I was no longer interested in being with her, but she wouldn't accept that, she thought it was "just the BPD." She still thinks she can win me back, and I see through all her tactics and it's honestly just so gross.

Now on the other hand. These days, I have a very close friend who I have ignored when I feel she has abandoned me. I do split on her but I don't express it, I isolate so I don't say something I regret. And you know, in those moments, I do need her to reach out and see how I am doing and then I will try to reconnect. But the difference is, unlike my relationship, there aren't any major problems in my friendship, I just get very paranoid which is why I isolate. And generally it doesn't last more than a few days...and more often than not, I come to my senses and reach out to her on my own. But if I were not to do that, some persistence on her part would be appreciated, as in those moments I truly believe no one cares about me anyway.

Keep in mind these are just my experiences, and I have my own bias of having this ex. I think if it's been a year you need to let it go. Maybe try once, but then let it go. I find my ex's persistence really disrespectful, as I've made it completely clear that I am no longer interested in her. But she doesn't seem to care what I think and will occasionally reference my BPD, as if it means I don't know what, or more to the point who I really want.

Hi all,

thank you so much for your replies.

A little bit of background story:

It's a lot of girl drama to be honest.

I feel kind of bad at the moment because I was torn between two girls who both have BPD since last year and it was just yesterday I had thoughts about the other girl who wasn't my girlfriend who I just keep on missing now and again.

The other girl with diagnosed BPD was the person I really wanted to be with but she was terrified about getting into a relationship so I held back with her since two years ago meanwhile at the time my BPD gf at the time (now ex) was pretty much chasing, clinging onto me and wanting my affection.

Eventually fell for my exBPDgf and truly love her but it didn't work out. She tried so hard to win me over and she did but she was too hurt by then and there was nothing I could really do to fix our relationship. We are on good terms though and she is in a new relationship now.

So at first it was the other BPD girl that I was trying to get over while being with my exBPDgf. My ex knew how much I liked that girl but yes I held back with the other because she was more distant and felt like if I was too intimate with her she'd run away.

my ex and I at the time opened our relationship because I wasn't sure at the time but jealousy kicked in. I was seeing the other girl with BPD last year very briefly during that time and then sh#t happened. I'm not exactly the other girls ex like I said. We werent together for very long at all. I said something triggering I think about leaving and then that was it but I am not sure what. Just because she told me she couldnt handle relationships doesnt mean she may have hated the idea that I was seeing other people (despite her seeing other people too).

Just expanding on my first post that is possibly why she gave me the silent treament then told me I was too emotional for her and then eventually told me she didn't want to see me in a million years.

I met the other girl 3 years ago actually but she screwed up. She disregarded my feelings at the time when I said I had not been with anyone (wanting my first time to be special) and she asked me if I'd like to have a threesome. That basically sent me running but I always thought about her and whether I was just being overly sensitive. That plagued my mind since trying to date other people then I just had to see her again during my relationship with my exBPDgf. Yes it's a mess.

All is forgiven with my exBPDgf. There was other drama with her hurting me with pretending to fall for her friend etc to get back at me. Weve both forgiven each other now.

I always think about the other BPD girl now and again. Not as much as I used to but just suddenly again I want to just hangout and just see her face again.


Not sure exactly what could have triggered her and this is all speculation. Thoughts???

@Babyyoumu
She probably split me black but I am not sure for exact reason. I felt like she projected that I was too emotional was her being too emotional. I caught her in public stalking me just once but that was it, shes never acknowledged my existence since. And it wasnt coincidental, I picked a place at the time I knew she would never go to and yet she walked on by for no reason. She doesnt have a car.

@Witchessabbath
I don't want to be THAT "ex" who people don't look forward to hearing from. I hope I am like the friend scenario where she just isolating ..But who knows! I admit that some of my excuse to reach out more even if she ignores me is because I know she has BPD and that she said she cant handle relationships. What worked on my exBPDgf won't necessarily work on every person with BPD but it is disrespectful after some time I agree. I have to say though, the relationship I had with my exBPDgf was much different. She was the one more in love with me at the start so chasing her and her forgiveness worked a lot more whereas with the other BPD girl I think I am the one who likes her more and can be an idiot sometimes with her. She still has her dating profile and still single so of course gives me hope but I truly need to let her go if she truly doesnt want to see me in a million years. I wish she could forgive me like my ex but theyre completely different people.

Do you think telling the other girl with BPD the complete drama story is a bit too much?
It was just a thought. I'm afraid I'll make a bad impression if I send her a story about how I really felt etc and what happened on all sides. Thoughts????

So if i'm right, there were 2 girls, A and B.
A loved you but you werent crazy about her.
You were crazy about B but she wasnt that much sure about relationship.

now you miss A but she is in a new relationship.

reminds me of my own story. i loved a girl. she liked me. but i wanted her to be the one to propose to me(my ego came in the way) and i started ignoring her hoping she'd come to me. she came a few times but then i never heard from her.

i regret my arrogance and wish i were more considerate. i think you can take it as a lesson. that prefer people who love you rather than chasing those whom we love.

maybe if the girl hasnt replied to you yet, then let her go. could be she's moved on and we must as well.

hoping for a memorable good bye message. maybe this stuff happens only in movies.

JausTail you are close!
I do Miss girl A but she's in a relationship but I've accepted it now and the fact that we stayed friends makes me feel a lot better because of all the hurt that was caused. To be honest I know I am my exes backup plan...she is mine too so it doesn't matter..(!!) either way I just want her to be with the one who makes her happiest and were both moving forward.

It was more about Girl B popped into mind again and started feeling like I really miss her again. Girl B is the one I never get fully over no matter what but I always wonder if its because we were never serious to begin with. That each time we see each other something happens its so brief and we stop talking and I am still stuck in idealisation most probably. Ive always reached out though and she normally replies but it ended badly last time to the point cops were involved . I don't know B deeply but I really like her. Maybe its a bit of loneliness but I genuinely like her and want her in my life if I could.

You are right. I love girl A (my ex) but I was never crazy about her it used to make me feel bad. I wouldn't say it out loud but I used to compare them at the beginning. But I wanted to give another relationship a try. Someone who seems to really like me and try and appreciate that. As months went on I did fall for her and felt lucky to have her. I hurt her too much for being crazy about B at the beginning and then getting with B. I didnt cheat, I was allowed because we opened our relationship but it was too much for my ex to handle and jealously kicked in and she didn't feel good enough. I felt guilt, all sorts of horrible things but we've forgiven each other for all the hurt that was caused on both sides as she also did some revenge thing by getting with a friend I didnt like temporarily.. until she found her new partner. So much heartache for me but I eventually accepted the way things are with her and I. We really did try to repair things but too much hurt.

Now girl B. Yes I have always been crazy about her but I feel as though she isn't as interested in me. Girl B is the one who I just want to spend time with no matter what like every single moment of every day if I could. I feel so excited/high when I am around her. Like I don't care if we don't get into a relationship. She says she cant handle relationships etc. etc. and with her its like I am willing to compromise because of her fear of intimacy issues. I just want her around is the feeling I get with her.

I know that I will eventually get over her if she doesnt reply. Maybe ill alway feel this way about her I dont know but eventually Ill move onto someone else. I havent thought about B in months. I was mostly heartbroken over A and getting over that and yeah... that excuse that well if B isnt into anything serious, terrified of it actually, im not ready for anything serious either so Im better with someone emotionally unavailable like B. ..

I've been on a couple of dates but no spark.
Also.. I never want to hurt someone as much as I hurt A ever again. I gave another relationship a try while never being over B and it messed up. I did end up loving A but she went through a lot. There have been a couple of dates so far who want to hear from me again but I dont want to entertain it if I dont feel the same way as I do for B. Cos its not worth it right? I dont want to keep hurting peoples feelings because Im NEVER over B They have to be better than how I feel about B maybe???

Well in that case man (knowing more about the situation) I say go for it. Even if it's just telling B that you can't get her out of your mind and really want to see if it can go anywhere. Then whatever happens you will have your answer, maybe a gf, and hopefully some closure if she does say no.