What does emptiness feel like to you?

One of the symptoms of BPD is "chronic feelings of emptiness." I've noticed that sometimes when I don't have anything to do, and sometimes even when I do, I feel really bored. Void. I feel nothing, just apathy. I get a heavy feeling in my chest and stomach, and I'm overcome with loneliness. I'm desperate for something that'll take up my time, make me forget about it, make it go away.

Could this be emptiness?

The void, yes. The emptiness inside that only another can fill. I often feel it physically. Right in the chest. Just feels like a gaping sucking black hole that needs to be filled. A void that needs to be filled with love and affection and nurturance. But it's never enough.

I think the 'emptiness' is hard for many to quantify, but I know I'm not the only one that feels it physically. I feel it palpably. It's right at the core where you feel emotions in your chest.

Some times it's very apparent, other times not. But most of the time it is there. It just feels like a very deep void to me. Almost like if you could cut a hole inside my chest, it would go all the way through me through the back. It feels deep. Like there's a big piece of me missing. I don't know. It's hard to explain.

Someone once said it's due to the lack of a solid sense of self and I would agree. I don't know who I am as a person and I don't feel like I have any real identity.

It's pitch black darkness in my chest.

For some reason this made me think about heatmaps, human bodily sensations connected with certain emotions. I wonder what this emptiness would look like, being mapped.

But more interestingly, what do you do to get rid of it? Does it always require other people? New people?

Lack of empathy and need to emulate somone around me for a sense of normality.

snailpet wrote:Could this be emptiness?

It sounds like it to me. I agree with blank identity, it is really hard to quantify. Really hard to explain to people who haven't experienced it. I feel it physically sometimes too. Like a dull ache inside. As though I can actually feel where a part of me is missing.

I find there is no one adjective to describe it. Kind of a mix of things like feeling lost, bored, lonely even when not physically alone, feeling like there is nothing I like or want in life, no purpose to anything, no lasting satisfaction from doing anything.

I see it as different to depression as well. Because when I'm depressed everything is a huge effort and there is overwhelming sadness. When experiencing emptiness, on the outside it can look as though nothing is different. I go to work, I see friends, I do things. But absolutely none of it really fills in what is missing.

I also think it comes from a lack of identity or sense of self. I find it to be the most unbearable part of BPD because, in my opinion, the sense of self stuff is the hardest to work out and takes the longest to achieve. But emptiness can drive a lot of unhelpful behaviours.

youneverreallyknow wrote:But emptiness can drive a lot of unhelpful behaviours.

Exactly, even dangerous behavior. And in my opinion, the most inconsolable thought in all of this is whether it is ever to win on a permanent basis.
I can beat it, next week, next month, after six months. Up to two years. But then. At some point it becomes impossible.
And I will give up.
So in a way I can just give up right now..
Why expend 50% of the energy in order to work according to standards and prevent myself from acting in terms of the emptiness.
Sad

WendyTorrance wrote:I can beat it, next week, next month, after six months. Up to two years. But then. At some point it becomes impossible.
And I will give up.
So in a way I can just give up right now..

I feel exactly the same way. I know I can tolerate what I'm feeling now without necessarily acting on it. The emotion might pass, but the emptiness is still there. Feels like it will always be there, seeing as it has been there for as long as I can remember. I can hold out for days, weeks, months even, but eventually I break because none of the alternatives have helped fill the void inside. So, like you say, why not just do it now? Why bother with the immense effort when it doesn't ultimately lead to anything better?

Maybe all that life will ever be for me is short term things to fill the inescapable emptiness? Who knows. But I find this area to be one of the least well explained parts of BPD and arguably the hardest to do anything about.

youneverreallyknow wrote:Maybe all that life will ever be for me is short term things to fill the inescapable emptiness? Who knows. But I find this area to be one of the least well explained parts of BPD and arguably the hardest to do anything about.

And it happens to pretty much invalidate all the other work where you possibly make some progress, in favor of yourself.
I look forward to the day when I feel full acceptance/ fulfillment with what I've got. But really, that wouldn't be me.

Personally when I feel empty I feeling like dying, reason being that I have this theory in my head that in the next life we will be filled with positive emotions and just travel through time, lest we feel like returning to Earth for a second chance at life. I can deal with sadness and depression, but pure emptiness just sucks.

blank identity wrote:The void, yes. The emptiness inside that only another can fill. I often feel it physically. Right in the chest. Just feels like a gaping sucking black hole that needs to be filled. A void that needs to be filled with love and affection and nurturance. But it's never enough.

I think the 'emptiness' is hard for many to quantify, but I know I'm not the only one that feels it physically. I feel it palpably. It's right at the core where you feel emotions in your chest.

Some times it's very apparent, other times not. But most of the time it is there. It just feels like a very deep void to me. Almost like if you could cut a hole inside my chest, it would go all the way through me through the back. It feels deep. Like there's a big piece of me missing. I don't know. It's hard to explain.

Someone once said it's due to the lack of a solid sense of self and I would agree. I don't know who I am as a person and I don't feel like I have any real identity.

yes, I agree. This is it. The black hole that swallows everything up. Frantic efforts to fill it with anything, in a rage. Not just with people. I threw whatever inside, furiously, alcohol, drugs, sex, work, books, biscuits…. whatever. a constant, relentless, run to fill it up. it sucks.