Drugs and BPD

Hey there,

I was wondering, how do illegal drugs take an effect on people with BPD? Personally, I've never taken any, nor intend to. Just wondering considering my psychiatrist couldn't really answer the question when I asked him out of interest.


Thank you.

Alcohol makes me an idiot.
Cannabis makes me see clearly (humorously).
Benzodiazepines makes me feel whole.

How can benzo's make you feel whole? Just wondering.

-- Jul 13th, '14, 20:55 --

How can benzo's make you feel whole? Just wondering.

Martijn wrote: How can benzo's make you feel whole? Just wondering.

Whole; complete; nothing else needed; nothing else matters. There's no "how"; it's just valium; a narcotic; a sedative. You pop one and you don't feel pain, psychological or physical; you're carefree; all the world's problems gets solved. It's better than sex, and sex is the only other way I know how to feel whole.

So you dont feel emptiness?

i love how i feel on drugs but i get absolutely reckless and almost died at times

I try to avoid drugs, because I know how addictive a personality I have. Someone who hates themselves, combined with something that makes them feel not like themselves, can be a very dangerous combination.

As to how they make me feel, as I said above, not like me. I don't care how, but they're a chance to get a little escape from me; sort of like a vacation. I've tried getting away from myself in every other way I can figure, but I'm always right there. Drugs/alcohol are the only ways that I've found to do it.

I think drugs have different impacts on different people, regardless of what mental illnesses they might have. Different physiologies, brains, and personalities make for different experiences. So YMMV even if you share a mental illness with someone.

I'm not really a token BPD person, but these are my experiences. I think my reaction to MDMA probably has to do with my BPD as does my binge drinking reaction. It's funny that the most addictive substances weren't particularly interesting to me, given that drug abuse is often co-morbid with BPD.

Alcohol: In excess makes me hump everything in sight or cry in a corner, depending on my mood beforehand. Drinking without binging makes me nice and social and giggly.
Weed: Makes me calm and happy in small amounts but when I'm moderately to really high I feel dumb as a rock and unable to control my brain and all I want is to come down
Nicotine: Didn't do much for me except make me nauseous. I smoked for the social aspects and because I have a bit of an oral fixation, but it was easy to quit.
Painkillers (oxy, vicodin): Didn't do much for me by themselves but the only time I ever used a high dosage, I chased it with a bottle of wine and several beers so I was going to be really f*cked up either way.
Shrooms: Loved them so much. I had a euphoric experience with only mild, not super scary hallucinations.
Cocaine: Didn't do too much for me. I enjoyed the feeling but not enough to start an expensive habit.
Heroin: Also didn't do much for me. Made me sluggish and zoned out. But I also mixed it with potent weed and only did it once. I thank my lucky stars that the heroin addict I was seeing at the time dumped me before I could make a habit of it in my stupid young adult years. Wouldn't touch it again and regret even trying it.
MDMA/Ecstasy: My drug of choice over the years. Closest I've ever felt to happiness. Everything felt so good to touch, look at, smell, etc and I loved everything in that high state. My favorite high. The last time I did it, however, I overestimated it and had an absolutely awful night because I was so high I completely lost control, so I don't think I'll do it for a while. Also, being on my meds makes me really uncertain about it now.

Drugs can lead to bad situations, but I don't oppose them entirely. I have some really interesting memories and experiences that I think are beneficial and happened while on drugs. I have poor impulse control and when someone offers me drugs I've never been able to say no. However, I'm trying to learn how to do so now. I only have a few beers at most or get a little high on weed for enhanced cuddling and eating with my SO. I've gotten so old so fast.

Martijn wrote:So you dont feel emptiness?

I feel emptiness all the time, just not on valium, no. It's why it's so addictive to me.