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Laughin at the wrong time

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Laughin at the wrong time

Postby SpaghettiMonster » Tue Nov 05, 2013 1:52 am

Hi, I am new here, I don't really know English, so I am sorry if I write stuff in a weird way.
I broke up with my boyfriend one month ago and he is still depressed about it.
He is been almost every day trying to talk with me by webcam ( I am in another country right now so...), and I always tell him " Yeah, we can talk tomorrow for sure", but then I don't do it. ... I am not sure why I do that. I honestly don't know why I am an incredible asshole. I don't know why I don't go online and at least tell him that I am not be able to talk with him. I don't really mean it, I mean, I don't mean to hurt him... I don't know, I don't know what is wrong with me.
Anyway,
He is always waiting for me , and I always forget or have something else to do, so we never talk.
Finally today he got really mad at me, because he was waiting for me all night, I told him I was going to talk with him, let's say " we had an appointment again" and I didn't answer him... Basically because I didn't even check my computer.
When I saw, after maybe 8 hours, that he still there and he was mad, I felt the moral obligation to put my webcam just to apologized about it again and he started to cry a lot.
Then I almost start to laugh. I was almost laughing in his face and I didn't want to, Like I don't know what is funny about it, I don't know why I was going to laugh but... The thing is that I felt like laughing all the time I saw his face crying.
WHAT THE F*CK IS WRONG WITH ME? have you ever feel the same way?
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Re: Laughin at the wrong time

Postby jaus tail » Tue Nov 05, 2013 3:59 am

i laugh a lot at the wrong time. whenever someone yells at me i laugh, i imagine the whole scenario in third person and whenever anyone gets irritated because of me, i end up laughing. if i dont find it funny, i feel guilty. its always the extremes.

by default, i see the whole scenario as a sitcom and burst out laughing. it could also be, because of extreme emotions.

for me, the fact that no one laughed at anyone's joke is more funny than the joke and i immediately start laughing at the person who cracked the pathetic joke.
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Re: Laughin at the wrong time

Postby SpaghettiMonster » Tue Nov 05, 2013 8:26 pm

Haha, well.. At least one person who feels the same way.
But I think it was so cruel that I felt like laughing when my ex was crying. I don't hate him or anything so it doesn't make sense. Anyway! Thanks! :)
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Re: Laughin at the wrong time

Postby MN1982 » Wed Nov 06, 2013 4:19 pm

Hi - I'm new here, just posted my own first question about my confusing ex boyfriend who is suffering from BPD - it hasn't been posted yet - don't know how long it takes before it's been approved.. I just saw your post at couldn't help but laugh - I too have a few traits, but not to the extremes like my ex, but actually the laughing part is one of them - I saw my therapist last week and wanted to talk about it, maybe she knew why it is happening - I also have issues with trying not to laugh if I'm being yelled at or have to break bad news or listening to someones bad news, and it's actually VERY confusing to me, because I have A LOT of empathy and it touches me deeply when people are in pain, because I am so familiar with pain. If I talk on the phone about these things or getting yelled at (by my BPD ex for example), I don't have a problem with it, but if it's in person - if they can see me, I get very self-aware and my therapist said that it could be that I am so uncomfortable in the situation, that it's my body hiding my real feelings and reacting differently than what it would naturally do. I don't know, but it's really a problem sometimes.. Just wanted to share - my first reply.. :)
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Re: Laughin at the wrong time

Postby bateman99 » Wed Nov 06, 2013 5:35 pm

sometimes I can't stop myself from smiling when I am actually extremely upset, sad, and distressed, like if I am fighting with my bf. and then he'll get madder because he thinks I'm taking it lightly or making fun of him, which isn't the case at all. I've never understood why this happens. just one more thing to make me feel like a total psycho...
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Re: Laughin at the wrong time

Postby vertices » Wed Nov 06, 2013 7:40 pm

bateman99 wrote:sometimes I can't stop myself from smiling when I am actually extremely upset, sad, and distressed, like if I am fighting with my bf. and then he'll get madder because he thinks I'm taking it lightly or making fun of him, which isn't the case at all. I've never understood why this happens. just one more thing to make me feel like a total psycho...


Me too. All I can do is tell him it's a coping mechanism. I try to think of it like yawning, just some low level need to regulate my body that I don't really understand. :?
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Re: Laughin at the wrong time

Postby whenlmeetsm » Fri Nov 08, 2013 11:32 am

I have often cried uncontrollably but had a big smile on my face. Its really uncomfortable for people to watch and confusing when they point it out to me.

Nerves? An attempt to hide true feelings?

-- Fri Nov 08, 2013 11:32 am --

I have often cried uncontrollably but had a big smile on my face. Its really uncomfortable for people to watch and confusing when they point it out to me.

Nerves? An attempt to hide true feelings?
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Re: Laughin at the wrong time

Postby MN1982 » Fri Nov 08, 2013 1:14 pm

I often cry and laugh at the same time.. I think that it is when I am sad, but feel like it's nothing to cry about, so I laugh at myself and apologize for my tears... I've learned to live with that though - but my problem is the smiling/laughing when I really don't want to - like when I'm being yelled at or hearing/giving bad news.

Actually I believe it's when I'm expected to be serious that I struggle the most. I get so self-consious and I feel I see the situation from outside and don't know what to do with myself. And I have a lot of empathy, so I really hate that I can't control it...
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Re: Laughin at the wrong time

Postby jaus tail » Fri Nov 08, 2013 2:27 pm

MN1982 wrote:my problem is the smiling/laughing when I really don't want to - like when I'm being yelled at or hearing/giving bad news.

Actually I believe it's when I'm expected to be serious that I struggle the most. I get so self-consious and I feel I see the situation from outside and don't know what to do with myself. And I have a lot of empathy, so I really hate that I can't control it...


I do this a lot. Laugh at the wrong time. i've tried so hard to control it. think of bad news, inflict myself physical pain, but nothing works. like my face is some other being in itself.
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Re: Laughin at the wrong time

Postby MN1982 » Fri Nov 08, 2013 2:40 pm

My therapist said it is a defense mechanism of some sort.. Because I'm uncomfortable showing emotions in front of people.. I think that's true, because I don't have a problem with it over the phone - it's only when I'm in front of someone.. I hate it...
A person that means a lot to me and has a very close relationship to her grandmother, was sitting next to me on the couch and telling me that her grandmother was very sick and that the doctors said it didn't look like she was going to make it..
I was FIGHTING a war inside myself not to laugh, I had to look away - because I knew that if I made eye contact, I wouldn't be able to not laugh..
I could feel my lips changing shape into a smile and I felt so guilty, because it doesn't reflect my feelings at all.. Later that day I almost cried at home by myself, thinking about the pain my friend was going through and praying for her grandmother...

-- Fri Nov 08, 2013 2:44 pm --

Oh, I also try thinking about other stuff, bad stuff etc, to keep from smiling/laughing - which means that I sometimes don't really LISTEN even though I really want to and want to be there for them, but still hear what they are saying... It's just too much emotions and too serious and I get uncomfortable and just want to get away from the situation..

-- Fri Nov 08, 2013 2:47 pm --

Also have trouble with telling someone I love them without joking and being "silly" about it... Even though I love them deeply.. It's too serious and I get awkward... lol.. Can't look someone in the eyes intensely and seriously like in movies and just say : I love you... I would start laughing my a$$ off...
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