How Do You Feel This Moment? *TW*

Angry, annoyed, tired...I need a drink, work is work. I want to walk away from everything I'm responsible for, hide away...live on a remote island and disappear!

witchessabbath wrote:

Lusid wrote:

friscodyke wrote:I'm in such a bad mood. My main supply is probably out there finding any ugly guy that would be drunk enough to f*ck her and I need to talk about stuff. I feel so out of place, I'm feeling things I haven't felt for years and I'm extremely confused. I don't know if it's because I still need this other person around or if my brain is just being impulsive and weird. I don't have time for any of this.

If she's that desperate, just go ###$ her yourself? That'll get her talking.

I really like the way your mind works lol.

Most of the time I do too.

[myflash=][/myflash]

Lusid wrote:

friscodyke wrote:I'm in such a bad mood. My main supply is probably out there finding any ugly guy that would be drunk enough to f*ck her and I need to talk about stuff. I feel so out of place, I'm feeling things I haven't felt for years and I'm extremely confused. I don't know if it's because I still need this other person around or if my brain is just being impulsive and weird. I don't have time for any of this.

If she's that desperate, just go ###$ her yourself? That'll get her talking.

I'd have to be unconscious or sedated.

friscodyke wrote:I'd have to be unconscious or sedated.

She's that gross but you care if she f!cks some nasty guy? lol

Soooo I am tired but also now too wound up to sleep. I FINALLY GOT THE GUTS TO APPLY! For the women's shelter. Just finished. I think my resume and cover letter are solid but I worry I should have combed through more for mistakes...but that would drive me crazy.

I hope they hire me. I really really want to work there. I'm going to be up all night worked up so I stole half of my mom's Zopiclone pill lol.

If they don't even call me for an interview I am going to be sad. I believe I meet all their qualifications. And I know if they interviewed me they'd like my disposition, even though I am a man, I don't believe I would seem like a threatening man in any way.

having a crush
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AruBUK_sgPk

witchessabbath wrote:

friscodyke wrote:I'd have to be unconscious or sedated.

She's that gross but you care if she f!cks some nasty guy? lol

That's only the tip of the iceberg!
She was there for me a few months ago whilst I was in the midst of a complete breakdown, and for some reason I told her about my BPD. Her, ugly and boring (with an awful lisp and an apple shape), was apparently looking for something to shake her life up. She looks up BPD, and I $#%^ you not mimics every symptom off of WebMD.
At this point (like a few weeks ago) I'm like ok wyd.. while she's getting busted for her sudden addiction to hard drugs and trying to find every ugly guy desperate enough to want her. I've never been much for sex, it's honestly boring and just means I have to interact with more people and put effort into something I'm never going to see again. I prefer relationships with attractive people I can connect with that like being around me for me, not just for sex.
She's like going hog wild, taking all my bad habits and making them hers. At one point she was sending me minute by minute updates on how she's stealing pens and lipstick (that's really all she knows) and telling me how "self destruction can be nice sometimes". I don't know why this drives me up the wall so much, but it does. I cut myself off from her because I truly can't stand being annoyed 24/7 by everything she's doing.
She messages me, we talk, she calls me narcissistic after I give her my opinion on her and then I'm like "Ok, I'm done for awhile".
She contacts me A G A I N (meanwhile, I was just getting used to being alone. I was having a good time.) and for some reason rubs me the wrong way, so I just stop responding to her advances.
A few nights ago I was having a horrible time some sort of freak out, so I reach out to her. I wake up thinking like what the F*CK did I do, and she's contacting me again showing me this whole list going into detail about all her "self destruction".
I rambled, but whatever. I just feel a bit betrayed when I put effort into dealing with someone and they ignore me.
I don't know why I even deal with it. She builds my confidence when she's not out there snorting oxy and romanticizing heroin.
Edit: I don't know if I made it clear enough, but I care if she ###$ some nasty gay because she isn't using that time to talk to me.

Haha ew, she does sound gross. I wonder why she wants to mimic BPD so much. I know when I'm st my worst, my mind almost romanticized my own tendencies, but more the anything I just hate myself.

What you're saying makes sense, though. About why it bothers you even though she's kind of nasty.

friscodyke wrote:Edit: I don't know if I made it clear enough, but I care if she ###$ some nasty gay because she isn't using that time to talk to me.

That's disgusting.

I feel looove for my friend "Mirtaz". It makes me feel so content.

I just realized I said gay and not guy. I didn't mean that.

I've been doing a lot of my community work in the area that my old job is in...even drove past them today. It was gross. I hate them. lol. It put me in a bad mood all day. My mom is encouraging me not to get my hopes up about the women's shelter, she thinks that the job is too competitive and that as a man I'd probably not get a chance. But it's right up my alley, since I saw my grandma get abused, I really care about women's issues, and it's actually like...a good job, with a good wage, I assume benefits too, it's something you could support a family on if you had to.

Oh well, for now, thank God for the weekend?