Chained to this damned dog

I literally feel like I am chained and being pulled around by a wild dog, and that is exactly the approach I have been taking it. There is just this big dog who is paranoid of everything and overwhelmed and overstimulated by everything and will become aggressive and attack at worst if approached wrong, or flee, forget progress or piss itself at best. And I'm chained to that damn dog. And in order for me to have any hope whatsoever of being able to work together, I have to figure out how to work with this wild dog.

If you're obsessed with the dog then a good way to get over one obsession is to get into other ones. I've learnt this lesson very late, though. I'm not suggesting buy another dog but why not give it a try. A cat might need to be rescued.

The dog is the other side of me.

And that tiny army is tramping around inside my head

Nice, i'd say. Maybe you're dog would be very wild, but i wish i could be a little wild. There's a proverb, an woken dog is better than a sleeping lion. With me, i can never stand up to myself. even if the person is saying something really offensive, i'd just go in some corner and start crying. pray to god and wonder why is the world so bad.

i can never argue on person. it's not so bad online when i cant see his face. but otherwise i wish my dog wasn't so tame.

the world needs people who are angry, think of the soldiers or police officers. you dont want a weak man on the border.

My dog is all over the flippin' place. Sometimes it's hidden itself behind a bunch of crap, and other times its pacing aggitatedly ready to snap at anyone. Its pacing right now, and dragging me with it. I'm just so tired.

I've been panicking and having bursts of tears for the past two days and I don't even really know why. It's like what the frellin' ###$ ###$. I was doing so well for so long and then just boom, down, flat on my face, dog's running so fast and not stopping I can't even stand up.

Yeah i know how that feels. i used to earlier think that 'this too shall pass.' when i'm sad/depressed/crying i used to think this too shall pass. now i'm 23 and i think my entire life is going to pass like this.

I'm 32, and every time I fall over I just throw a fit because I'm so sick and tired of falling over.

I was depressed for so incredibly long... like, what? Since spring of 2011? fall of 2010? At least? I finally crawl out of it, and, like, 4 weeks to the day after the depression haze lifts, I just swing completely into anxiety and panic. aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

And the last several times I was in anxiety and panic mode I was rather angry and violent. And last night I punched my boyfriend in my sleep because I was punching someone in my dream <sigh>

I don't even know how to describe my 'dog'.
It seems like every freaking day is the same if not worse than the last...

Something will irritate the dog shortly after waking up and he goes agitatedly pacing around, then he'll get gradually more irritated at NOTHING - even people breathing is enough to flip it over the edge.

He'll stuff whatever he can into his body to try and fill the utter emptiness he feels and get angry and defensive if anyone suspects anything about it.

He'll then feel so empty and guilty and full of anger at himself he'll bark at others and use every name under the sun.

He'll then feel even guiltier and fearing rejection so he'll wound himself to punish himself.

He'll calm down after his coping mechanisms and be calmer for the rest of the evening until something sets him off again and he either can calm down the intensity of the raging or he'll go off the handle and drag me along with him so I have NO control over what's said or done.

Yay.

I have no control over the things that happen during a rage. At all. The dog completely goes off on one and attacks everyone in its path.

I don't know what state I'm in/was in at the moment/last night as I remember waking up screaming and crying about the nightmare I'd had about the Fox that was in our garden a few times the past few nights and it stared me right in the face through the window when I went out to check why the light was on. I kept seeing its face in my head and urgh it was nasty. But I dreamt that it came in the door and started savaging me and yeah...woke up screaming. Panic mode? Idk.

But I've woken up in a foul mood yet again today so urgh dshdkshdkjshdjkshd.

Well then if you're violent then maybe you could apologize to your boyfriend. I know it's not easy as i have still not been able to forgive myself for my fights with my best friends, because i couldn't stop my impulses. i don't have any advice..apart from

Keep yourself busy.