I'm feeling ugly

I've been usually feeling far better than I ever have in my life really,but I still feel very ugly really.I showered this morning&well I didn't look in the mirror but that was fine really as I hardly do which somehow seems to help much more than not looking in there .I'm thinking of getting my haircut which is the longest it's ever been really&I'm in two minds about well how to have it cut,I do struggle with the hairdresser because of the mirror but I hardly look in the mirror.

Even when my hairdresser says to me is that ok with the haircut I act like I'm looking and sort of say yeah that's good thanx.I look in the mirror in a sort of sly way where I can see my head but I'm not lloking directly into the mirror if that makes sense? .

I've been struggling a fair bit as I've always struggled with my nose&then my teeth but my nose is the no 1 problem.I've been a fair bit more down also as my weight has ballooned a fair bit out&that I can tell has made me feel a fair bit worse also.These days reflections of my face&body make it pretty unbearable so I try my best to not see myself at all in the mirror.I don't know really if this is a good technique,my BDD specialist said to me if I do look in the mirror make sure I'm asking myself am I doing it because I need to say shave&or groom myself&not it being BDD&or OCD related which has seemed to be very good advice I do think? .