Why does my nose look different from the side in every mirro

Hello everyone, i am new here.

I am female 22 years old, and i have problems with my looks, mostly the nose many years now.
I have done and still do therapy and i take medication for my depression.

So my problem is my nose. My mother, family and a friend told me several times, i have a not perfect, normal and cute nose. My nose is not big, but has a little bump. I am always checking my nose from the side by taking a second mirror, to see my profile. And sometimes its totally ok, not so bad, and sometimes it is reallyyyyyy bad! Idon't get this change, i don't et what people see, or if it is me that can't see the "truth"!? I know there are much worse noses ou there, but i hate how it looks in some mirrors, i am really confused. Ithink that people probably look under different lightning teh same for others, but i am not sure what to believe...??

This may be a very biased answer, based on where you're posting here. It's not a diagnosis and I'm not a psych. Just a random weirdo on the internet.

But it's entirely possible that it is your brain playing games with the smallest changes in light, angle, distance and so on. That you are "seeing" the same thing in different ways. As you say, for everyone there are flattering angles and lighting. But where what you "see" is fluctuating from OK to really bad, that seems an unusually wide range for the same nose. And especially where it's causing you stress, that's not helpful at all.

If possible, it might be interesting [again, not a psych, just an idea] to keep a diary of good / bad days and other factors. You may find a link to your mood, TV or magazines, perhaps diet or exercise. Weather, even [I'm sensitive to that. Though it comes out in other ways.]

I agree with Ada on keeping track of the thoughts to see what they might coincide with. The psychologist I'm seeing has prompted me to write in a diary what I see when I look at myself. I've noticed that when I see myself as looking the worst, I'm usually in a really bad mood. I think it's very possible that we see our features differently when we're in different moods.

I try to imagine and tell myself that other people see me in decent lighting and that they see me when I'm looking generally decent. It amazes me how different people can look like in different lighting. I think of the times I've seen people who I've liked in different lights and how I've liked them each time. It's good to remember that there's other people out there who have the capacity to value you despite what kind of lighting or situation you're in, just as I've seen girls without their makeup on and found myself falling deeper in love or friendship with them. I say this because I fear that people will stop liking me if they see me in certain ways - in certain lights and situations (my hair specifically). I've tested whether people would stop liking me or hanging out with me by taking less precautions with my appearance (I didn't wash my hair and just had slightly neatened bed-hair) and, to my surprise, there was no noticeable difference in the way they treated me. In fact, people seem to like me better because it probably makes me look more casual or something.

Ada wrote:This may be a very biased answer, based on where you're posting here. It's not a diagnosis and I'm not a psych. Just a random weirdo on the internet.

But it's entirely possible that it is your brain playing games with the smallest changes in light, angle, distance and so on. That you are "seeing" the same thing in different ways. As you say, for everyone there are flattering angles and lighting. But where what you "see" is fluctuating from OK to really bad, that seems an unusually wide range for the same nose. And especially where it's causing you stress, that's not helpful at all.

If possible, it might be interesting [again, not a psych, just an idea] to keep a diary of good / bad days and other factors. You may find a link to your mood, TV or magazines, perhaps diet or exercise. Weather, even [I'm sensitive to that. Though it comes out in other ways.]

thanks! this came to my mind to,, that my brain is playing tricks on me, but how do i overcome this? and i really am depressed every day since weeks now just because of my nose,...i am in a bad "mood" everyday

Hey, I am sorry to see/hear that you are struggling with this compulsion to check if your nose is different looking from various sides of reflections...it is tough and also a typical symptom of someone with BDD.

I can only quote from a BDD specialist, Dr Claiborn, who posted on on BDDCentral in years gone by...
He says: If you are going from low to high and back about how you look I would argue that you are continuing to put a lot of importance into appearance. If we think of the central problem as involving an exaggerated importance given to appearance in the first place then trying to fix it by changing a negative to a positive opinion is not addressing the problem.

A balanced image would involve possibly thinking some parts of your body are not what you might want but placing this in a reasonable perspective. For example someone might think their nose is too big. A balanced response might be to understand that perhaps their nose is not the size or shape they would like but that doesn't determine who they are or their value as a person.
Hope that helps...not sure if it will.... but IMO we need to believe that loving relationships are more than just our specific appearance concerns...(and I really do know how hard that is to accept).
Kind regards,
Mattch.

Mattch wrote:I can only quote from a BDD specialist, Dr Claiborn, who posted on on BDDCentral in years gone by...
He says: If you are going from low to high and back about how you look I would argue that you are continuing to put a lot of importance into appearance. If we think of the central problem as involving an exaggerated importance given to appearance in the first place then trying to fix it by changing a negative to a positive opinion is not addressing the problem.

This is absolutely right! I have overcome BDD and I can tell you 100% that focusing on your perceived flaws and trying to change your perception of them will achieve nothing because you are continuing to be stuck in this obsession with your looks, you are continuing with the importance of needing to be flawless.

You have to beat the obsession and it can be done.

I used to spend so much time obsessing about my nose after being called ugly for my nose and some comments and ridicule about having a big nose. I would spend 20 minutes almost evening looking through two mirrors trying to see how my nose really was. But what is that achieving? I was stuck so obsessed and distressed by my nose and if I saw it looked bigger than average (which it is) I was going to be so distressed and upset.

Nowadays I don't care less about my nose. I know some people will think I am ugly for my nose or may make fun of me but I am not hurt by it any more.

So yeah I totally agree with what Mattch wrote, you absolutely have to stop focusing and dwelling on your nose and instead focus on changing your obsession. You are just wasting your time and life if you continue to focus on your perceived flaws and will get nowhere guaranteed.

ugh, i have had this problem since i was 11 years old.

i just use a long fringe to cover from the other side now and try to always sit/stand/walk on the side where less people will have the possibility to view the bad side of my nose.

i put it down to my face's horrible asymmetry.

hiddenbeauty wrote:ugh, i have had this problem since i was 11 years old.

i just use a long fringe to cover from the other side now and try to always sit/stand/walk on the side where less people will have the possibility to view the bad side of my nose.

i put it down to my face's horrible asymmetry.

But how can you live like that!? I cannot anymore, and i don't have hope anymore believing my nose is unnoticebly normal!? I don't have any strength left, and i have this years now

Steba and Mattch have the right idea, I think. This isn't about your actual nose at all. It's about how you "see" it. And how your brain interprets what you see.

If you saw someone with a large birthmark on their face, would you think? Wow, how ugly. I never want to be friends with that person. If someone was smart, funny, emotionally secure and had lop-sided ears, would you think? If only they got their ears sorted out, I might consider dating them. I'm willing to bet you probably wouldn't.

I appreciate we're in a very tough world for appearance. It's a very big issue for very many people. It's true some people do judge others purely based on looks. It's true skin colour, body shape, height and so on will affect what some shallow people think about us. But to feel bad about that, to take it personally, is [I believe] a disorder. And where that warps what you're seeing in the mirror and taints your mood, it's a genuine problem. Something that's hard to deal with. But it can be tackled. Partly that's by questioning the part of your brain that tries to convince you something about you is "ugly". Partly that's by telling new stories about what people are thinking when they see you.

With paranoia, it's easy to believe that everyone's looking at you, talking about you, plotting against you. And so on. Whereas really, it can be depressing to realise how LITTLE attention other people actually pay. To allow the disorder to convince you that other people so shallow that they care about perfect noses, is wrong. It's difficult! It takes time. But it won't go away without work to support yourself. Surgery makes it worse!! Hiding it doesn't change the base feeling. If that's enough to get you through the day, then do whatever works. Where the anxiety is stronger than that, it's time to hit it harder with other tools. Such as CBT [which can be done by yourself, though it's more effective with professional support.]

Ada wrote:Steba and Mattch have the right idea, I think. This isn't about your actual nose at all. It's about how you "see" it. And how your brain interprets what you see.

If you saw someone with a large birthmark on their face, would you think? Wow, how ugly. I never want to be friends with that person. If someone was smart, funny, emotionally secure and had lop-sided ears, would you think? If only they got their ears sorted out, I might consider dating them. I'm willing to bet you probably wouldn't.

I appreciate we're in a very tough world for appearance. It's a very big issue for very many people. It's true some people do judge others purely based on looks. It's true skin colour, body shape, height and so on will affect what some shallow people think about us. But to feel bad about that, to take it personally, is [I believe] a disorder. And where that warps what you're seeing in the mirror and taints your mood, it's a genuine problem. Something that's hard to deal with. But it can be tackled. Partly that's by questioning the part of your brain that tries to convince you something about you is "ugly". Partly that's by telling new stories about what people are thinking when they see you.

With paranoia, it's easy to believe that everyone's looking at you, talking about you, plotting against you. And so on. Whereas really, it can be depressing to realise how LITTLE attention other people actually pay. To allow the disorder to convince you that other people so shallow that they care about perfect noses, is wrong. It's difficult! It takes time. But it won't go away without work to support yourself. Surgery makes it worse!! Hiding it doesn't change the base feeling. If that's enough to get you through the day, then do whatever works. Where the anxiety is stronger than that, it's time to hit it harder with other tools. Such as CBT [which can be done by yourself, though it's more effective with professional support.]

wow! thank you for your answer, it is true what you say, but i have problems with my looks since i am 13 or so, almost 10 years now, it got deeper and deeper,... and you know people make compliments about my look but i am always thinking they still think my nose is a little taking the "good" look away, i always assume people see me like i see myself...