I have been seeing my girlfriend since Feb of 2012. We are wonderful together and I love her very much. Before entering into our relationship officially, she told me she had a self-harm problem, which I admitted I did not understand but that it was not my place to judge her. While in the relationship, she has cut twice.

The first time was in a time when we were fighting a lot over very trivial things. One night while we were laying in bed she admitted to me that the reasoning behind her picking silly fights was to advert my attention from how poor her mental health was. We devised a secret system for her to let me know when she was getting too stressed or having such awful feelings, and up until recently has been working well.

In more recent times, however, she has been very secretive and pushing me further and further away. I don't understand because although I may not be able to identify with her problem, I have never judged her and tried to find ways to help her feel better.

I suggested a therapist, which she was at first opposed to and then decided she needed to just talk it out with someone other than the people she sees constantly. I even suggested a couples session so that maybe the therapist could help me better understand my place and maybe my girlfriend would say things to me that she was afraid to ask when we were alone. The couples therapy never happened, but she still sees the therapist an hour a week (that is the maximum she is allowed with her schedule).

I do not feel it is my place to ask her to stop cutting because I know the problems causing this actions are beyond my comprehension and control, but I also can't maintain a relationship alone. Currently, I feel like most of our relationship revolves around her and making sure her mental status is up to par, which is fine, but it hurts that despite all of my efforts she is still lying and hiding things from me. I love her, and I want to help, but I don't know how. Any advice?