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Jack, Johnny and dog painting (my avatar) by Johnny-Jack on Fri Sep 16, 2011 3:10 am
**potentially triggering**
My avatar is an actual painting of Jack at age 10. I've searched for but never found a photograph of my alter personality Jack and one may not exist. However, the avatar is a reduced digital photo of a 3ft x 5ft composition of Jack, painted from memory by my father a year or so after Jack punched him in the face, fought back, ran away that night, thus ending the abuse, then shortly went inside for decades.

Jack's eye squint is characteristic of him, though here it also helps him aim the gun. My father was a gun collector. The pistol is no toy. It is the relative size of an adult weapon, which Jack holds ready for his off-screen assailant. He protects the untroubled boy on his back, the host John (aka Johnny), whose face is not shown, indeed, cannot be shown for it would be identical to Jack's.

My father may or may not have consciously known what he was painting but the identities and the meaning of the painting are quite clear to me. Everyone close to the family who has seen the painting says the boy is me. Others have confirmed that even he knew it turned out to be his son. Only I know the boy with the gun is Jack and the child on the ground was his second favorite son, John (Johnny). It is the largest painting ever done by our father, who knew quite well that the two boys were different, though in the same body. He never named this painting. Although it's not clear in this reduced version, the dog, with human-like eyes, stares back in harsh judgment at the painter of the scene, and so at the viewer.

(April 28, 2012) Two friends who know my entire story now, who knew me since we were age 2 or 3 and who knew my parents, got an overwhelming response to viewing the painting. The boys' bodies are so close, the recumbent Johnny seems to blend into Jack. One held her hand over the dogs lower face and said the eyes looked human and accusing.

I have mixed feelings about displaying a painting by my abuser, but it is the only known visual record of Jack, the painting itself is not at fault, it is absolutely his likeness and a documentation of his battle won, and I retain it to honor Jack, who no longer sleeps.

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Blogging is where I process by OMNICELL on Wed Nov 25, 2015 12:15 am
I use blogging allot in my recovery process! its a safe place to tell a story and let things out and process past information!

!2 step groups let you talk for about 5 minutes!

Blogs allow you to...

[ Continued ]

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Thanksgiving arriving 2015 by quietgirl2538 on Tue Nov 24, 2015 11:12 pm
I am feeling really good and blessed this Thanksgiving. There are several reasons for feeling this way. My husband still has a job that helps provide for our little family. For friendships that pave...

[ Continued ]

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What am I doing here? by writeaboutit on Tue Nov 24, 2015 5:30 pm
I am back at the house I grew up in. The house that shut the doors on my sister and me. It was a prison growing up. I never thought I would survive, nonetheless voluntarily choose to stay. Sometimes I...

[ Continued ]

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So it begins by OMNICELL on Tue Nov 24, 2015 5:17 pm
It's beginning! The next phase!

Im starting to bring up several things in meetings in real time!

1. I was homeless; and to solve it; I simply bought a tarp and attempted to turn my car into a home!...

[ Continued ]

0 Comments Viewed 105 times
NOTES FROM THE ASYLUM [II] by Rednecks Pocket on Tue Nov 24, 2015 5:06 pm
"Civilization”says my friend Ozzie Boone”exists only because the world has barely enough of two kinds of people: those who are able to build with a trowel in one hand, a sword in the other; and tho...

[ Continued ]

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Re: Anger by peaklite on Tue Nov 24, 2015 4:18 pm
[quote="snaga2.0"]Tell us about it in self harm if you need to, hon. Hugs.[/quote]I can barely even remember this happening now lmao, it was at 4am and I fell asleep afterwards. Turns out I was...

[ Continued ]

Re: How does one face death? by Dos Equis Psyches on Tue Nov 24, 2015 7:54 am
Personally, I reconcile death with a firm understanding that I won't have to go to the trouble of living, maintaining, dealing with, and occupying a body anymore, and it makes me happy. My perspective...

[ Continued ]

Re: Living in a bubble. Part II. by snaga2.0 on Tue Nov 24, 2015 4:12 am
But over a thousand people have read it. Hugs.

Re: Been here a year and other randomness by snaga2.0 on Tue Nov 24, 2015 3:35 am
Stay safe, y'all. Hugs. Post in Cutting if y'all need to.

Re: Started to cut again... help. **TW** by snaga2.0 on Tue Nov 24, 2015 3:31 am
Post in self injury forum, sweets, if you need to! Gentle hugs.

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