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I'm fed up by princess_pig on Wed Dec 26, 2012 4:11 pm
I'm 23 years old and a fresh graduate from university. I have been through many eating disorders and I don't know what I am today. My story begins from the Yr2 of Uni, where I decided to go on a diet after gaining weight from holiday. I was 130lbs at a height of 155cm. Like most people, I restricted by calories, which led to skipping meals.
However, I think my eating disorder started way before uni, probably during secondary school. I started to eat less and less for lunch at the age of 14-15yrs. I would tell my friends that I wasn't hungry and then hide in the library and try to pay attention towards my studies. I became more and more anti-social. I felt that I couldn't understand what my friends were talking about and felt more and more lonesome and more depressed because I believe I was having difficulty in communicating. My life became filled with the thoughts of food and food and appearance.

I used to be a hard working and persevering person, but during 6 form I just couldn't concentrate on my studies anymore, I became more and more lazy and unmotivated. My typical day involved going to school and thinking about food and what to buy to eat when I get home. I never ate at school then, I usually binge when I get home. I would usually buy 2 300g bars of chocolate and eat in secret. The more I ate, the more I feel depressed about my appearance but I didn't do anything like exercise to compensate for it. I became withdrawn from society. I feel so left behind, I don't know where to catch up and now I'm desparate to catch up but i haven't done anything to allow myself to do so.

Back to University, I lost a lot of weight after restricting to 1 bowl of boiled broccoli a day. I went down to 96lbs in 2 months. I thought okay, I should stop and eat again. And then it happened, I became obsessed about maintaining my weight and loosing more the merrier. One day, I don't remember why, but I binged a lot, I thought that i needed to go to hospital to get my stomach pumped. But I felt so guilty the only quickest option was to vomit. After vomitting, I quickly weighed myself and found that I lost 0.4lbs. I was surprised, but I thought that I could use this way to eat what i want without weight gain but also loose weight at the same time. From 96lbs i went down to 84lbs in 1 month. I didn't think I had a problem, or maybe I was just too afraid to admit I had a problem, but then when it was coming towards revision for my exams, I thought that i didn't know anything. For the whole year, I prioritise my thoughts about food and food that I didn't concentrate on my studies. Of, course my grades dropped dramatically that year. I knew that I had to consult someone for help and my mother came into this.
I went back to my parents hometown (abroad) to seek medical help as they believed it was easier for them to communicate. I went on medication to try and control my cravings and aggressive behavior and it seemed ok so then after the summer break, I returned to my studies 09/2010.
However, my weight dropped dramatically again a I was binging and purging again to after 2 month of uni, I decided to take a gap year and try to sort myself out. My parents did not want me to be questioned about my illness so my mum and I moved back abroad to seek medical advice again. Originally, the plan was to seek medical advice as an outpatient but after 4 months I dropped down to 66lbs because i was binging and purging too frequently. Surprisingly, I have never felt faint or anything, just that I looked thin. I was admitted to hospital for 3 months where I went up to 79lbs. My doc said that I could return to my studies but the condition was that I could not live alone. So during my final year of uni, I lived with my mum where she would prepare meals for me, mainly because i fear oil, most foods she cooked did not contain any at all. I know this is still not normal, but it was better than not eating anything.
At the very start of semester, I was still binging, craving...

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Methods to relieve OCD? by ocdgirl08 on Wed Sep 02, 2015 7:31 pm
Hi. A few years ago, I experienced an event that changed my life and turned me into a germaphobe and was wondering if anyone had any guidelines on how to get better. For example, last night I used a couple...

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Recovery without Medication by Ichi_Darake on Wed Sep 02, 2015 5:31 pm
It's been about three years since I was first diagnosed with schizophrenia and for most of that time, I've been taking prescribed medications at the suggestion of my doctor. At first, I agreed with the...

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awakening by Charlton12 on Wed Sep 02, 2015 10:56 am
Sometimes, you may experience one of those moments of clarity, that comprehension of the kind of person you are as opposed to the person others, especially loved ones, view you to be. I have been a bad...

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official by peaklite on Tue Sep 01, 2015 10:16 pm
i now have a girlfriend. so i can stop referring to her as girl.
i'm feeling very happy right now. i think she does like me a lot.

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following on from previous by peaklite on Tue Sep 01, 2015 12:15 am
and if i'm not her first love what does she feel for me
does she miss whoever she had in the past? obviously it doesn't matter, but still, i think about this stuff

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Re: Methods to relieve OCD? by snaga2.0 on Thu Sep 03, 2015 1:48 am
Hey there, ocdgirl, welcome to PF!

You'll find you get responses if you post in the forums themselves, the blogs do get read and some people follow others' blogs, but they are more a journaling tool....

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Re: My Blog and Who I am [TRIGGER] by VoA_bliss on Tue Sep 01, 2015 5:46 am
Thank you for sharing about your experience. I am a pedophile as well and have not offended. It is a daily battle, though. It sounds like you are at peace with your pedophilia. I am as well. You don't...

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Re: Poem by me: Bad Sign by snaga2.0 on Mon Aug 31, 2015 10:45 pm
(((hugs)))

Re: a bit depressed by peaklite on Mon Aug 31, 2015 9:47 pm
[quote="snaga2.0"]I'm just speaking for me, but I bet no love feels like one's first love. Mine didn't. Your first love to me is like your first car, apartment, house. Something special, because...

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Re: a bit depressed by snaga2.0 on Mon Aug 31, 2015 9:42 pm
I'm just speaking for me, but I bet no love feels like one's first love. Mine didn't. Your first love to me is like your first car, apartment, house. Something special, because it's first, and new and...

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