I have been doing some research on bipolar disorder for a while now and and I fit it to a T. I have an appt next Friday with a therapist but I am having a hard time waiting until then. It has come to the point where I can't perform at work anymore and I have no personal life. I am so unhappy and can't seem to get out of this depression. The depression has been steady for a few months know. I can't remember the last time I was happy about anything. I have thought what it would be like it I died. The only reason holding me back is thinking about my family. How devastated they would be. I feel very alone but I don't want to leave the house. I want to quit my job because I just can't take it anymore but if I did that I would be in an even deeper depression due to throwing my career away that I have worked so hard to get and have no money and have to move back in with my parents. I am going to be 29 this year. Moving home isn't really an option. Lately at work I can't concentrate and can't perform the way that i used to. I also get VERY angry a lot. Very get very irritated and aggravated easily. Any thoughts or suggestions on what I can do?
I have been on anti depressants off and on for years but every time I don't have a job I lose my benefits and can't seek help or stay on meds. I haven't had any meds so far that seem to help that much. I have seen a therapist one time but we didn't really click and I never went back. I have an appt with another therapist in a week.