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I Want To Eat Again by Manipulative on Thu May 24, 2012 10:04 am
Well, it's been 11 days and I still haven't eaten. I seem to be getting into cycles where I'll have an overwhelming urge to binge and I think to myself, okay, I'll wait for the urge to pass and then I'll eat something. Problem is, when the urge to binge has gone, the urge to eat disappears too. I'm determined to have something today though, even if I have to sit at the table for 3 hours just to eat a petit filous.
I got told yesterday that my 'disordered eating' actually fits the diagnostic criteria for anorexia. I was a bit put out by this. I said the sentence 'I have an eating disorder' to myself yesterday and it just doesn't sound right.. The term 'disordered eating' I could manage with, it didn't sound bad and it didn't sound as if it was much of a problem. Strangely if you rearrange the words to 'eating disorder' then it sounds way more serious than I think it is.
Apparently my foster family knew from the minute I moved in that I was anorexic, I just hadn't been formally diagnosed. Well, now I have. It feels weird, it feels wrong. I don't want a second label pinned on me. By conversations I've had with various people I'm likely to have a third one. I don't believe in labels. I remember a few years ago I dreaded being diagnosed with any kind of illness. Now I could potentially have three, two of them being already diagnosed. I don't understand it. I don't want this.
I think way too much. I think I'm going to distract myself by putting on Youtube and scouring through Whose Line Is It Anyway US videos. God love them! ;D
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