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My life is just one long song. by Parker95 on Wed Feb 15, 2012 3:59 pm
I feel so incredibly awful today. Cut a bunch last night and this morning and felt a bit better afterwords, but that's all I can think about. Sooo, I decided to listen to my music, hoping to distract me. And for the most part it's working. Music has always been a distraction for me. When I was a kid, I would turn the volume all the way up to block out my parents screaming at each other and also what people would say to me. And music 'speaks' to me, if you will. I will hear a song and just think "That is SOO me!" and it somewhat makes me feel better.

Now, I listen to all types of music. All except perhaps heavy metal (it gets kind of difficult to listen when they're screaming.). And there are some songs in particular that I will listen to repeatedly. Songs like 'You Found Me', 'How to Save a Life', 'Over My Head', and 'Little House', all by The Fray, explain my life perfectly. Other songs like: 'Radio' by He is We, 'The Last Night' by Skillet, 'When She Cries' by Britt Nicole, and 'Hero' by Superchick easily fit into that category as well. I feel as if I live in these songs. Songs of cutters. Of desperate, suicidal people. In each of these songs I see myself. How they each describe me oh, so well. And I don't known if I like that. I mean, sometimes it makes me feel worse.

For example, The Fray is my favorite band by far. Not necessarily because of the beat or anything. Because of the lyrics, the meaning behind the words. The 4 songs I mentioned above are probably my favorite songs because each of them has a part of me.

I LOVE 'You Found Me' because the fact that I want someone to find me before it's too late. As a matter of fact, whenever I cut I keep my phone right next to me because I'm hoping that someone will text or call me and interrupt what I'm doing. I want it to stop, but I can't on my own.

'How to Save a Life' I have missed feelings about. While it is probably tied for first with You Found Me, I still feel a bit...sad(?) when I hear it. Because I want someone to care enough to Stop me. I want someone to pull me aside and to tell me that I'm not okay. To realize the hurt and pain I'm in and to intervene. But all who know say nothing. Whether because they don't know what to say, or they're waiting for me to tell them, or they don't want to say the wrong thing and make it worse. But I just want them to try. Just try.

Now, for 'Over My Head (Cable Car)' I love for the fact that 'Everyone knows I'm in over my head' and they still do nothing. And 'I'd rather run the other way than stay and see the smoke and who's still standing when it clears.' That's totally me. I know that I have people who care about me, however I still have my doubts. I think I'd rather just believe they all cared and would do anything for me then really find out the truth. Even if my doubts were wrong.

To conclude this already long blog post, I will say thank you and congratulations to those who got through all of that. And I hope you didn't think I was too weird, although, if you did that's perfectly fine too. I literally live and breath music. Music is my life. I live through my music. I can relate to music. I can easily tell someone how I'm feeling by just telling them a name of a song. And since I have had to re-write this entry a few times fold I will, if I get bored enough to, write about 'Little House' later on. However, my ADD in me is screaming because I've been sitting too long as is. So, so long for now. Hopefully today will end better than it started.

-Parker

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I'm not afraid of loving you anymore by badtotheliver on Wed Mar 22, 2017 7:23 pm
I've always worried about expressing my illness with my bf. His sister went through a lot of heartache stress & pain divorcing a man who is bipolar as well(future post on my theory of bipolar law of...

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Acceptance will set you free. by badtotheliver on Wed Mar 22, 2017 7:20 pm
I was admitted to the loony bin aka psych hospital because of panic attacks/depression/suicidal thoughts or what I like to call “the cocktail from hell” this past January. I walked in to the bldg already kno...

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this should be interesting by msunderstood on Wed Mar 22, 2017 4:53 pm
I'm going to post this blog with much hesitation and distrust, so don't be surprised if what I say either pisses you off, causes you to hate me, attack me, or make you think I'm self-centered, want my...

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Hello by DarkMoon17 on Wed Mar 22, 2017 12:17 pm
I am new on here today.
Testing this website out.

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End times by Yodakind on Wed Mar 22, 2017 11:43 am
Thee end

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Re: this should be interesting by Snaga on Thu Mar 23, 2017 6:31 am
We don't delete posts, as a rule. And yes, all blog posts are moderated...

As for content, as long as you're within forum rules for graphic content and are respectful of other members, it's your blog,...

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Re: this should be interesting by msunderstood on Wed Mar 22, 2017 4:58 pm
just ignore me.

Re: this should be interesting by msunderstood on Wed Mar 22, 2017 4:54 pm
Oh, joy! I can't even write a blog post without it being approved.

What's the point in offering a blog, then?

Re: A Life Of Its Own by Snaga on Wed Mar 22, 2017 4:30 pm
It's hard to put the genie back in the bottle!

My use of gestures and mannerisms comes and goes, I think I'm somewhat gender fluid. I do think I've attracted unwanted attention at times, esp at work-...

[ Continued ]

Re: I didn't say no, was it rape? by Snaga on Tue Mar 21, 2017 2:59 am
Hey sweetie-

If this is musings on your part, the blogs is the place to be. If you are wanting input from others, you'd do better posting this in http://www.psychforums.com/rape-sexual-assault/

For...

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