Our partner

Blog Stats
8078Total Entries
3193Total Comments
Search Blogs

  • Category
Feed Recent Blog Entries
Tuesday 17 January by Just Jeff on Tue Jan 17, 2017 7:47 am
Tuesday 17 January
38 days sober
RR 90%

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
The courage to change the things I can.
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Remember for today:
Giving the world 5 free passes in advance to be wrong.
Feelings inventory as I go
Was doing stepwork with my sponsor last night so didn’t get to bed as early as I would have liked but as outlined yesterday, skipping important recovery stuff to go to bed early leads to acting out. So yeah, probably still a little tired but just need to hang in there and catch up on some sleep when I can. RR was lowest it’s been in a while yesterday so need to step up my recovery work, meetings and outreach calls galore etc.

0 Comments Viewed 9 times
Rude awakening by Determined0707 on Tue Jan 17, 2017 2:47 am
So day two is coming to an end and I am proud to say it is ending gambling free. I made it to the gas station. As I walked inside all I could do was repeat over and over in my head "I will not buy a scratch off". I get a fountain drink go to the counter, tell the clerk 20.00 on pump 2 and my drink. She looks at me and says "no tickets today". I politely said no thank you . The look she gave me was like I had mud or something smeared all over my face. The walk to my car seemed like it took forever, I was so embarrassed by the interaction with her. But as I stood out there pumping my gas I realised I did it..... I made it out with out gambling.
I know to some this may not be a big defeat, but for someone who would by tickets everyday from many locations today was a victory......

1 Comment Viewed 33 times
sensuality and sensibility by wasp_rainbowarrior on Mon Jan 16, 2017 8:27 pm
yesterday late night i sneaked out to have sex with a guy. not totally stranger, since i'd talked to him for a long time before, but stranger enough. let him do things to me that i knew i hated. i believe i'm dangerously dissociating from my bodily experiences. my mental state remained unaltered before, during and after the sex and always focusing on things that are not there - songs i like, music i've played and reminiscences of past experiences. did not feel pleasure even though i reached orgasm. while i was on top of him after sex i was totally indifferent to his presence and thinking without emotional disturbance "what a shame, maybe i could have spent 2017 entirely without sex". even now i feel nothing towards that experience. indeed, i don't recall feeling any emotions for the past days. i think my feelings shut down after my intense suffering that i blogged about last week. that is why i felt like i was ok even if continuing with sexual behavior usually compulsive. it was compulsive, but didn't feel like it.

1 Comment Viewed 18 times
January 15, 2017 Day 1 completed by Determined0707 on Mon Jan 16, 2017 1:41 pm
Well day one no scratch off's and no visit to a casino... One small victory for me. Starting day 2. Spent a lot of time on the site yesterday reading and drawing inspiration and power for my battle.
My first post did not tell my whole story, one I will share soon. I'm saddened but also hopeful for all of those who are going through the same struggle as myself.
It's sad to say that today I am scared to stop and get gas... Bet normal people never give that a second thought. But someone like myself who can never walk in a store who sells lottery tickets do I make it out without buying one... I'm claiming today that I can do it.... I will do it.... Buy my gas and walk away....

0 Comments Viewed 91 times
Monday 16 January by Just Jeff on Mon Jan 16, 2017 7:19 am
Monday 16 January
37 days sober
RR 100%

Grant me serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
The courage to change the things I can,
And the wisdome to know the difference.
Remember for today:
Giving the world 5 free passes in advance to be wrong.
Feelings inventory as I go
Feeling a bit tired this morning (went to bed to late last night) so that’s something I need to keep a check on. Sometimes going to a meeting in the evening makes me go to bed later – that’s fine because the last time I skipped a meeting to go to bed early etc. it seemed to work on the night but later in the week I had a relapse. However, last night I wasn’t at a meeting so getting to bed on time should have been a priority.

0 Comments Viewed 54 times

Who is online

Registered users: Adoemono, Alec29, ArtemSeoKrFluff, Baidu [Spider], Biggirlscry, Bing [Bot], Casper, dan raleigh, DDK, Exabot [Bot], GeorgeBeimi, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, HarrisonG, Illvoices, JadeRain, Johnny-Jack, LanternJack, Lebkuchen, lyratheowl, marcm, mark1958, MasoCat, Melodycool, Midwinter, mrbusy, MrLowBot, MSNbot Media, NewSunRising, oceane, OrangeSky, Patriotjzj, Psycho Delica, quietgirl2538, Rugby1, shininglights, UK SPD, Watson636, Yahoo [Bot]