well it's been a while since I had issues at work. I've been doing the job of at least 2 people, I program shipments, do customer service and some production controlling....so yeah, i have a lot of work to do, and a lot of problems with both internal and external customers.

i'm not trying to complain about it, I like my job, it's challenging and takes effort and wit to do, i'm happy with it even when about half of the time is pressure and more pressure and problems..

anyway, lately things haven't been as good as they were. the management decided to give my boss a boss but without my boss knowing, i don't know, it din't feel right for me. so then all the other managers have been worse than before and well it's not a good environment to work anymore.

the problems are too many to list but the last ones that made me decide were: the plant manager asking why i didn't sell more, well, i sold what i had to, can't sell more!!!, then this other coworker demanding that "you have to help me" it wasn't like can you help or anything like that, she was demanding help! and then all the manager trying to make me sell more pieces that should not be sold so that they could deliver good numbers to their superiors.

it's not fair. when we give more that what we're supposed to do, nothing happens but when we are slightly wrong then they let hell loose....it's not fair to have them asking for stuff that are beyond my reach...and i've had enough. i wont' let them bully me anymore...so i will quit.

it's not the job what scares me, it's not working hard. What i don't like anymore is the way the deal with problems and the way they deal with people. it's okay to push, but not the way they do!

last thursday i decided to quit, i told my boss i wanted to quit and i felt relieved. it was strange 'cause i had been struggling with the idea of leaving or staying...and well finally i've come to this decision...and i've made peace with it. i feel no remorse anymore, i don't feel like I am betraying them, I owe them nothing.

It maybe believed that you will save on the energy and resource crises by increasing unemployment but people on the basic benefits want a little extra money and it's not wise to leave so many doing nothing considering they will be more needed during a growth period.
Coinncidently human input is a big area for generation of datasets. Such data interfacing and input could be done in biking distance and even the government could benefit from such data sets. Along with other measures this work force could be kept prepared and earn their extra money. I'm not talking free lunch just a worth while trade of subsidies and effort. It would also encourage more human driven data which could be a good thing.

Ill be writing allot more blogs; blogs take the place of people! I don't have those people accessible to talk with! and I never have! id like to believe people are on my side they are not; lots of them are against me or using me! and use others! I must understand; its not personal! that is what I have to work on! I must remember to forgive certain personalities! people that have little or no conscious!

Im still putting my trust into sociopaths! ###$! I have to work on this! I get caught up in manipulation! I get caught up with murky people! I must remember this! and I must remember; those people dont care! they feel nothing! right n wrong means nothing to them!

Ive sold myself down the river to get attention from anyone!

The 12 step meetings I go to; those people will not help me out! the exit door they shut! they know Im getting better! they go silent with contempt toward me! they're not going to stand with me and help me! but usually, one person will, and thats all you need! but its truly horrible! despicable how people act and how they act toward me! its complete contempt with no value toward a human being! I mean nothing! and they could care less! arrogantly slapping me socially in the face with is the worst contempt! However, I have a few edges that God put in place for me! These blogs are one of them!

And I have others to talk with!

What I really need is to wake up! Because the people I associated when sick are no longer interested in me as I get well! They want nothing to do with me! They will not help me become successful! They don't care either way! They just write me off like Im a weakling fool, not to be taken seriously! It hurts, its hard! But that form of emptiness wont work! Im simply to tuff to it! Its horrible to have to go through in a place thats Its to be about recovery!

I will continue to get better in spit of all this! One person on my side! A few people! A rest don't no! I must remember this!
When I walk into these places, they are phony people,trying to make friends! They are friends with each other, not with me! And Im still going to attempt to get recovery, and I still end up getting it but its hard! And they're jealously makes it hard! Or their lack off humanity and faith in others; I don't know!
I know they are not my friends! And I have allot to learn! and they laugh in my face! I do not want that kind of person around me!

I walked by someone tonight at the entrance of the building! She is someone that pulled her children away from me so I could not interact with them! It was done on purpose! She tried to make a nice 2 faced comment to me! I just shined her on and went into the building!

They are liars and thieves! And liars and thieves do not like people like me! Im more like a law judge then a drug addict! And Im not liked because of it! So, where are the people I am supposed to hang out with! Who will take me seriously!

Liars and thieves don't care! And I saw something else tonight! Several people are resembling other people I know!
I know this sociopath; and I know this women; and after tonight; watching her behavior, her actions are allot like this sadistic sociopath I know! The fact her arrogance does not match up to her education! I mean nothing to her! Thinks she is above me! yet, is not; she does not recognize decent people! has no concept of it! laughs in my face as if Im a weakling! worse; its complete indifference! However, looking closer at the individual! Im starting to see, more n more; she has no conscious! Don't, Ive found that to be a problem with people like this!

Generally, Im lonely and insecure and hanging out with anyone that will have me! Don't they don't want me anymore because I work a real recovery process and not a fake one!

I must wake up at some point to who Im associating with in order to get attention! I understand the sociopath!...

[ Continued ]

dreams and nightmares are two totally different things dreams you can control to a point and nightmares your stuck and its like you cant wake up i have nightmares so horribly terrifying i cant go to sleep sometimes i jest fall asleep out of exhaustion and wake up two hours later safe to say i haven't been getting much sleep and my family thinks i sleep all day because when i get to sleep i'm stuck in a nightmare its never ending torture i cant really remember i just know every time i wake up i'm scared thanks for listening to my idiocy

All of a sudden out of the blue I feel incredibly anxious and frightened about my ex boyfriend.
I am psychic. I can pick up on things. But I don't know whether what I am feeling is real or whether it is just pure, random anxiety.
I feel as though something is very very wrong with him. And I am sat here feeling physically sick because of it.
Maybe I'm just reexperiemcing the feelings of fear I often had when I was with him.
It feels like that. It feels how I used to feel when I could sense something bad coming. When I could sense he was going to hurt me, or when I had terrible anxiety about someone killing me or doing something terrible to me.
I feel like he's mad. What if he does something? What if he's planning some way of hurting me?
I want to go back to the police but they were so awful with me.
I don't want to go through any of that again.
I think I should go and seek advice. But I don't want to cause I don't want to talk about it.
Please don't let me be developing PTSD. I can't.
I won't be. This is just random anxiety or picking up on his feelings.
I need to go and speak to someone about this.
I HAVE to.
I have to go seek advice on whether to press charges for all the other awful $#%^. But I know deep down it's not going to amount to anything.
But I want to do it anyway. To prove to myself that I can stand up for what's right despite how bad all the services that were supposed to protect me have treated me.
No matter what the outcome.
I might do it.
But then why, I'd rather forget about it and move on with my life than give him any more attention or thought. I feel as though any time I think of him it's a waste, I already wasted too much time on him I don't want to waste anymore. The best thing I can do is move on, which I have been doing.
But I still feel this is unfinished in my mind. And I'm scared he is going to retaliate in some way.
I feel as though he is going to try and get me into trouble and I don't know what for.
Or he's plotting something evil.
I hope I'm wrong.
I hate the fact he can do this to me. I never even think of him. And then he pops into my mind.
Haunting me. Asshole.
I need to talk to someone about this clearly.