"Emotional" sobrierty--it's something I realize that which is one way to call "relaxing" by.
It shows (maybe) in the last mid-term test I did this afternoon.
It was an intermediate word app class test and tbh I hadn't studied for it the way i would've liked to. My reception and preparation of this week has not been a very good one.
While I practiced an exercise on multi-lining I feel that I "regressed" when I listened to the Chris Nolan Batman trilogy theme before writing the test. I felt like listening to music (i)but "shouldn't",I've been trying to get out of the habit of listening to hying music before a test or class and (ii) I feel like it was "regressive" particularly b/c of how around the turn of last year, I told myself I would like to give up "power fantasy" stuff and as a versatile as story-telling tries to be, superhero stuff usually is like that.
I go to the testing area where I fumble for like ~6 minutes (?
) looking for the file needed for the test even though, which I didn't find sooner on the shared (server?) b/c I thought my teacher's last name was something different.
I finally get to doing it and while it's not difficult, I take a bit long,fiddling with things since I'm not too well practiced--I don't really feel like I'd like to talk about whether I had a time extension or not
--anyhow what makes me personally p.o.'d w/myself is how an easy 1/3 of the test wasn't done since I ran out of time.
">~< Arg..~20 more minutes a bit of text formatting and typing and I wouldn't been fine !
I "eat emotionally" after having gotten indescive w/whether I'd go straight to the gym after, (I didn't, I ate at an area near it) before deciding to bus home to do something my brother asked,which later on he gave a reason for it not having to be done.
*Then* I bused back up and went to the school gym for a while.
You know before I went to the testing area instead of water,the bottle I had with me was filled up with cranberry juice and I thought to myself "
Huh. Bright red,sweet cranberry juice before this special occasion. Maybe I'll do better this time", but actually I think water would've been better. Had it been water I would've been occasionely drinking cold sips to quench me before continuing w/the test. This time, I was eager early one to drink a fair portion of it,sweetness rushing through me and I drank it more in fewer instances as time ran out.
This and a few things I've read today make me think--
I have *got to* work on my emotional sobriety. I can be expressive and emotionally visceral which is a good thing, but I do it so often I actually have trouble getting other things to motorize me.
I don't drink but if emotions were alcoholic beverages I'd be drinking from while talking, there would be times when it's like I sip wine to perk me up while talking to someone and other times when I'm p.o.'d and basically sloshed,obsessively ranty on some high-end liquer not many ppl are fond of before wiping out.
Dang,it's handy to think of relaxation among these terms.
Relaxing,being relaxed, having "inner peace", consistent calmness, having not a passivity or indifference but a serenity in my attitude; that's *relaxing*,that's emotional sobriety which I'm not too good at.
Maybe hence,why at times particularly in the past, the psuedo-Stoicism... [ Continued ]