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GMC - How It Went by CrackedGirl on Sat Mar 10, 2012 10:56 am
So saw GMC guy yesterday

It was difficult. I saw him at the new place for the first time. It was where I was admitted this time a year ago after a big overdose. At the time I was on constant one to one obs and I this really triggered me yesterday. It made me want to cut and overdose so someone could look after my safety and I would not have to do it. I didnt - I was sensible and looked after myself but it was not easy. I did not think it was going to trigger me as much as it did - maybe it is because it is exactly a year ago.

The meeting went as well as it could I suppose. He said he thought I was doing well and we talked about spirituality a lot which was interesting. But he asked me again if I wanted to remove my name from the register voluntarily to which I said no. He said again it would be at least a year before RTW - he always seems to say that - when does this year start??? He was also talking about specialities and thinks I would be better doing something "less stressful". I love "stressful" stuff such as anaesthetics and acute medicine or cardiology and he seemed to think I would be better suited to something like psychiatry because he feels stress "triggers" me. I would sooner eat my own eyeballs than be a psychiatrist.

Anyhow it is over for another 2 months and I am intact (ish)

Hope you are all well



11 Comments Viewed 91014 times
After mid-terms by xod_s on Fri Feb 20, 2015 2:18 am
"Emotional" sobrierty--it's something I realize that which is one way to call "relaxing" by.

It shows (maybe) in the last mid-term test I did this afternoon.
It was an intermediate word app class test and tbh I hadn't studied for it the way i would've liked to. My reception and preparation of this week has not been a very good one.

While I practiced an exercise on multi-lining I feel that I "regressed" when I listened to the Chris Nolan Batman trilogy theme before writing the test. I felt like listening to music (i)but "shouldn't",I've been trying to get out of the habit of listening to hying music before a test or class and (ii) I feel like it was "regressive" particularly b/c of how around the turn of last year, I told myself I would like to give up "power fantasy" stuff and as a versatile as story-telling tries to be, superhero stuff usually is like that.

I go to the testing area where I fumble for like ~6 minutes (? :| ) looking for the file needed for the test even though, which I didn't find sooner on the shared (server?) b/c I thought my teacher's last name was something different.

I finally get to doing it and while it's not difficult, I take a bit long,fiddling with things since I'm not too well practiced--I don't really feel like I'd like to talk about whether I had a time extension or not :| --anyhow what makes me personally p.o.'d w/myself is how an easy 1/3 of the test wasn't done since I ran out of time.

">~< Arg..~20 more minutes a bit of text formatting and typing and I wouldn't been fine ! :? .

I "eat emotionally" after having gotten indescive w/whether I'd go straight to the gym after, (I didn't, I ate at an area near it) before deciding to bus home to do something my brother asked,which later on he gave a reason for it not having to be done.

*Then* I bused back up and went to the school gym for a while.

You know before I went to the testing area instead of water,the bottle I had with me was filled up with cranberry juice and I thought to myself " :) Huh. Bright red,sweet cranberry juice before this special occasion. Maybe I'll do better this time", but actually I think water would've been better. Had it been water I would've been occasionely drinking cold sips to quench me before continuing w/the test. This time, I was eager early one to drink a fair portion of it,sweetness rushing through me and I drank it more in fewer instances as time ran out.

This and a few things I've read today make me think-- :| I have *got to* work on my emotional sobriety. I can be expressive and emotionally visceral which is a good thing, but I do it so often I actually have trouble getting other things to motorize me.

I don't drink but if emotions were alcoholic beverages I'd be drinking from while talking, there would be times when it's like I sip wine to perk me up while talking to someone and other times when I'm p.o.'d and basically sloshed,obsessively ranty on some high-end liquer not many ppl are fond of before wiping out. :? Dang,it's handy to think of relaxation among these terms.

Relaxing,being relaxed, having "inner peace", consistent calmness, having not a passivity or indifference but a serenity in my attitude; that's *relaxing*,that's emotional sobriety which I'm not too good at.

Maybe hence,why at times particularly in the past, the psuedo-Stoicism...

[ Continued ]

11 Comments Viewed 1832 times
Thinking by CrackedGirl on Sun Jun 24, 2012 6:44 am
I am questioning my sexuality atm with good reason. It is a bit weird to be thinking about this in my 30s but I think I do need to think about it.

Huge hugs


10 Comments Viewed 679414 times
Things I Learnt At Med School by CrackedGirl on Wed Feb 15, 2012 2:35 am
Never have sex whilst wearing a Holter monitor or you are liable to be discussed in a lecture theatre full of students.

Always throw away dirty bong water

Never inhale cigar smoke

How to say phaeochromocytoma

Never stare at the forehead of someone who has a weird looking forehead, esp if they are in a position of power over you

Never park in the Dean's parking space

Be careful of rape alarms in lecture theatres

Never drink more than one drink containing 5 shots

Never trust rugby players

Never drink and ski

Never bite your other half's tongue whilst trying to be romantic

Never ever volunteer the fact you are a med student

Never be late for lectures led by mean lecturers when there is no back entrance to your lecture theatre

Always look for things about your lecturers that you can parody at the Revue

Treasure the diamond tutors

Hugs all


10 Comments Viewed 118156 times
Bunny by CrackedGirl on Fri Sep 16, 2011 12:39 pm
Rosie Bunny died earlier today and I laid her to rest. I am really sad but she is peaceful at least. Thank you for being so supportive.


10 Comments Viewed 115944 times

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