I was thinking about why I blog and what I am doing it for.

I think it is self centredly mainly for me. Since I was little I have kept a diary and I view blogging in a similar way. I write what is going on in my life and when I read it back later it reminds me of where i was at a certain point in my life.

I think that is why I am maybe more open than i should be - because I look on it like a diary. I know here is anonymous but I do sometimes wonder if I have said too much, but I also know I do have boundaries and there are somethings I would not say.

I also make myself do it even if I am feeling crap because I think it is important to capture how I was feeling at that time as well as when things are better.

Do I do it because ppl read it? To some extent yes and I am so grateful to anyone who reads the mundane drivel that comes out of my head. But I think I would still do it anyhow. But there must be something wonderful about the support i get from ppl here as it encourages me to keep going - so thank you.

So I am curious about you all. Why do you blog and why do you read ppls' blogs?

Cracked

So saw GMC guy yesterday

It was difficult. I saw him at the new place for the first time. It was where I was admitted this time a year ago after a big overdose. At the time I was on constant one to one obs and I this really triggered me yesterday. It made me want to cut and overdose so someone could look after my safety and I would not have to do it. I didnt - I was sensible and looked after myself but it was not easy. I did not think it was going to trigger me as much as it did - maybe it is because it is exactly a year ago.

The meeting went as well as it could I suppose. He said he thought I was doing well and we talked about spirituality a lot which was interesting. But he asked me again if I wanted to remove my name from the register voluntarily to which I said no. He said again it would be at least a year before RTW - he always seems to say that - when does this year start??? He was also talking about specialities and thinks I would be better doing something "less stressful". I love "stressful" stuff such as anaesthetics and acute medicine or cardiology and he seemed to think I would be better suited to something like psychiatry because he feels stress "triggers" me. I would sooner eat my own eyeballs than be a psychiatrist.

Anyhow it is over for another 2 months and I am intact (ish)

Hope you are all well

Hugs

Cracked

I am questioning my sexuality atm with good reason. It is a bit weird to be thinking about this in my 30s but I think I do need to think about it.

Huge hugs

Cracked

Rosie Bunny died earlier today and I laid her to rest. I am really sad but she is peaceful at least. Thank you for being so supportive.

Cracked

Never have sex whilst wearing a Holter monitor or you are liable to be discussed in a lecture theatre full of students.

Always throw away dirty bong water

Never inhale cigar smoke

How to say phaeochromocytoma

Never stare at the forehead of someone who has a weird looking forehead, esp if they are in a position of power over you

Never park in the Dean's parking space

Be careful of rape alarms in lecture theatres

Never drink more than one drink containing 5 shots

Never trust rugby players

Never drink and ski

Never bite your other half's tongue whilst trying to be romantic

Never ever volunteer the fact you are a med student

Never be late for lectures led by mean lecturers when there is no back entrance to your lecture theatre

Always look for things about your lecturers that you can parody at the Revue

Treasure the diamond tutors

Hugs all

Cracked