The life of a non... *** Trigger***
For all of you suffering with the symptoms of BPD, I do feel for you and hope that you all find some form of solace to make your life more bearable.
I have NO desire to hurt you with this, to trigger you.. it was just my life.
I would also like to inform you that us non’s suffer along with you as well.

A day in the life of a non.

6 am and it is the start of another day.
Make lunches; get the kids up for school; clean the house; and then get ready for work.
8 Am, see the kids off; survey the house… is everything clean, in its place? For you want no reason to be raged at.. Again.
8:30 you leave for work, so far so good.. No phone calls. You pull in to the parking lot and yes your phone goes off.. Your heart sinks, your stomach knots, You argue with yourself, do you answer it because you know what will happen, it has been happening for three years.. You answer, hold your breath, and yes it starts… He hates his job! hates his boss! Hates working nights! hates the world! and you left a sock on the floor. Now the anger turns to you, you are a f*cking b*tch, waste of skin, a c*nt! All over a sock. You try to be nice.. Say pleasant things, but your going to be late for work and HAVE to go…. “have a good sleep. I will try harder… love you”
8:45 you go to work early.. Shove your phone in your locker, and keep your fingers crossed nothing else happens to set him off.
8:50 am to 5:00 pm you did your job. It was a good day, only 8 calls from him and only 6 of them were rages. The dog barked, the doorbell rang, the enmax bill came in, his daughter was a b*tch , he thought of something,, but couldn’t remember what.. Time to go home..
5:05pm, not that much of a good day… 7 voice mails left on your phone, all of them verbally abusive, reminding you of how much of a f*cking b*tch you really are, and that he should have never married you, you are nothing!… and then 3 voice mails telling you to pick up bread, he needs his meds so pick them up on your way home, and stop and get a paper.. He is looking for a new job… again.
5:30 you think you are doing good for time, you have 2 of the 3 things done, and he has only called you 3 times while you have done this. Then the last errand.. Almost done… too late, the phone goes off… “where the h*ll are you, you f*cking b*tch? You need to make my dinner, I know that you don’t love me and that you are going to leave me!.. WHERE ARE YOU !!!!” ok, try to calm him down… “I’m right outside the door”. click…
You take a deep breath, please God… not again tonight… not in front of the kids… just this once… please..
The door opens… and you know you are going to have the worst night yet… it is written all over his face.. The look he is giving you… yeah, you just know… it is going to be a long , painful night. The kids must have figured that out as well because they are at friends houses… at least you don’t have to worry about them. This leaves only you, you to take the brunt of everything that has gone wrong in his night and day.. And in his mind…
5:40 you try to make things better, or at least bearable… you give a hug, apologize for being late, and tell him you will start his dinner.. You have no choice, you have been through this so many times before… every single day for three long years… You know there is no escape, you just have to take it.. Because you know that if you leave , go for a walk, hope he cools down.. it is worse for you when you get back. So you stand there, head down, tears in your eyes, defeated… broken… and you take the yelling, you take the verbal abuse, you take everything being blamed on you . You are so confused… You don’t know why he hates you so much..
All you know is that you can not do this anymore, this is not the type of life that was promised to you .. This is not the type of love promised to you by the man standing in front of you.. ..
6 am you wake up to start it all over again……………………

(I did finally break, yelled back, and he walked out.) 3 years gone....

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