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Life Story - part 3 by coneyislandking on Sun Feb 23, 2014 10:18 pm
I remember once hanging out with the older boys in my neighborhood. They asked me if I wanted to be a part of their club, and of course I said yes. They told me to be in their club I had to let one of them suck my genitals. The one to go down on me was someone I was never close with, who I never got to know. He was particularly rowdy, and I believe he came from a very out of control family environment. Some part of me says I wasn't allowed to play with him. Maybe I coerced my younger friends into also joining this club, and word got around to our parents. I did let him suck my genitals, and part of me remembers this very vividly. It didn't feel good or bad, it just felt like something. Maybe my younger friends refused to let him do it, and told their parents. I don't remember.

Oh god. I'm accessing a memory I usually glaze over or merge with later experiences. I had a scab on my knee that left a scar that is still there, and I am remembering how I got it. I normally said it happened when this girl ran me over with her bike when I dumped her.. but that was when I was 8 or 9 and when I lived at a different house.

I got the scab on my knee because I was attacked by a boy in my neighborhood. Boys are of course prone to rough house, but I was never interested in that until I was like 13. I can't remember who the boy was. It was either the boy who sucked me off or my best friend. Unknown at this time, I have a collagen disorder which makes my skin fragile and prone to scarring, so it might not have been as violent as I remember. I didn't know how to fight, so I tried to get away and I screamed for help, crying. I remember my best friend's father telling me I had to man-up, but I refused this.

I got a scab on my knee that really stressed me out. It was so gross looking. I felt like I was permanently disfigured. One day, when my mom was out, I sat in my basement and scratched the scab off as much as I could. I spent a lot of time by myself as a child, so I didn't have any supervision except for my grandma, who was upstairs on the phone. I got the scab off except for live skin that was holding it on. Mortified, I crept upstairs and grabbed a pair of scissors. I remember being a little scared to cut it off. I remember positioning myself so my grandma could see what I was about to do. She was quick to jump off the phone and save me from what I was about to do.

I will add more eventually.~

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Is there something mentally wrong with me? by lostinmyownworld on Wed Apr 01, 2015 12:39 pm
I'm not sure how to start. First of all I feel like there is something wrong with me. I do not know if it's all in my head or there is really something wrong. Lately I have found myself mentally talking...

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Body dysmorphia: Negative management of thought attacks by margharris on Wed Apr 01, 2015 3:45 am
My son at some level does recognize BDD as a thought disorder. The fear the thoughts invite sends him into shock. This is the hell of an OCD visit to the brain. It always sends thoughts that are linked...

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Matt, age 7. Alter #35 by Johnny-Jack on Wed Apr 01, 2015 2:22 am
We met sweet little Matt in the most unexpected way last week. We had a repeated flash of an unbearable imagined stabbing of our mother's face with an ice pick. I both couldn't understand what was the...

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HOCD and angry at the world by gj12345 on Wed Apr 01, 2015 1:02 am
So to say today sucked is a understatement. I've been taking it "easy" and what not trying to be "patient" with myself and my feelings but I miss feeling ALIVE. I miss feeling the happiness...

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Body dysmorphia: Habit reversal training by margharris on Tue Mar 31, 2015 10:52 pm
Can't stop the compulsive touching. He doesn't want to try a physical restraint so I learnt up on other methods. The most promising was a habit reversal training that started with awareness of the triggers....

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Re: After mid-terms by xod_s on Tue Mar 31, 2015 11:47 pm
If it's one aspect of sophomoric behavior which i think is harmful is when it's potentially leads to aggression or harm to women. To use a personal example,I'm ashamed of having done `_` ._. , when I was...

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Re: stee-ressed by snaga2.0 on Tue Mar 31, 2015 5:12 pm
The ants show up in the spring, soon enough after getting the pre-sale termite inspection I'm not particularly worried about those. They are not associated with termites around here. But I have idea location...

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Re: Why Universe.... by Ada on Tue Mar 31, 2015 1:16 pm
No, your cat's health issues are real. I'm just talking about one way to explore your feelings about them. And as I said. This might just be how I approach things and nothing you relate to at all.
...

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Re: stee-ressed by Twinkling Butterfly on Tue Mar 31, 2015 5:06 am
Why are you killing the wasps? They don't destroy wood...do they? I know they don't attack humans unless provoked, but they hunt caterpillars and similar prey. Do you suppose they would eat the larvae...

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Re: Why Universe.... by ghosty on Mon Mar 30, 2015 9:37 pm
Sure, right. You're right. My cat may be dying and this is all about me.

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