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Catch-22 onto another hand by xod_s on Mon Aug 25, 2014 11:50 pm
-Yesterday I turned 23 and as such I have decided to indulge/express myself with a subject title that might be inapplicable as I can't say for sure whether I'm any better at accepting paradoxes.
but I know that I have learned a lot this age-year and ggggggguuuuuwww -w- ,a "teal deer" can peer it's head out here.
There are patches here and there from other entries.
It has been 20 days plus a year since the http://www.psychforums.com/blog/xod_s/something_good_came_out_of_near_slipping_b-5078.html entry which marks the last time I intentionally went on pornography and getting out of the habit was a reason for the obsessive,ranty,contrarian spree on the other end of the hormonally fueled behavior spectrum (randiness<~~~~~>anger),which I embarked on.
I did some things,I identified some thing, I destroyed some things,I did some things some more,I identified some things,grains of salt got scattered around,I was so get so caught up that I nearly forgot about this reason. I did martial arts for a little bit,I got interested in martial arts a little it, I was engaged,enjoyed and found out what I made happen when given the freedom and fun of being in a "general arts and sciences" program which is one fruit that has come out of tertiary education,I expressed myself etc.
Some of the stuff I've thought and said can be dismissed as nothing but nigh-convoluted inticement and trash-talking. It's been different from the release of mindless aggression I had btw Aug '07-Feb '08. Like it I got a "reality slap" around the end.
Desire and hatred,forms of passion were finally identified,in a fantastic coincide weeks before tomorrow both have been a source for more than one motive fallacy. Along the trek though,I've come across different forms of self-pleasure and "webs of nimbleness" have formed in my mind. As well as different and underscored ways of approaching sexuality topics instead of going more into fantasy and self-pleasure. And I'll admit this includes luagh-pleasure the questionable infotainment merits of "cracked.com" when it comes to sexuality as well "^_^ .
Hey,did I mention that even white women are starting to look more interesting to me now ? ^u^ .
I don't "sublimate" it off,which I imo is a bit to much to ask for sometimes (like having left elementary being the best basketball player at school and being told your going to be playing on the seniors team a month before a school distrcit final) , I *subsume it* into my cognitizing,looking afor and trying to understand ways it's been analyzed like via soft sciences and life scis and such. Whether it "sublimates" isn't too important to me.
Very absorbing and more meaningful than masturbation, conventionally is taken to be. It's better than an improvement than the hormonally driven and frenzied teen I used to be,who had even "in-a-rut-ted" problems of being socially active with ppl...I still very much do,with what socability most ppl see me having being a thin crust for the volumes of shaky underlayers like what I demonstrate in personal writings and audio-logs.
There is something I would like to say today. Revealing something which makes me fear and something that makes me worry and which my mind (ever so used to the impulse of "getting ahead of myself") lingers whenever I think about the possibility of a relationship and getting married.
Hormone based contraceptives and possible abortifacient effects.
There.I said it.
For what it's worth, I'm fine with barrier method contraceptives.
It's a valid concern but like times in the past it shows that I have a tendenancy to "get ahead of myself" and like (how) many men (are written off as),I...
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