Random Blog Entry
Moving forward by OMNICELL on Mon Feb 18, 2013 1:28 pm
I talk allot about relationships. Relationships and work are destroyed through Chronic CPTSD And Dissociative disorder..
SO, I talk about relationships and hobbies; those are the things most effected...
Im getting very close to asking out several girls for dates. Ive worked on my social skills and attractions skills to the point that I can attract and approach.. I have interested parties.. However, Im wondering how I look and far in the real world. Most of the girls I know are from 12 step groups.. Im not in the real world.
One girl I have to let go of. Time and God are heading me in the right direction. She had no conscious. Its impossible! One has to let such people go regardless of the fantasy attached to them. I mean nothing to her at this point. I am a complete stranger!
Im not used to girls.. I will have a very fun time getting used to them, I cant wait..
Im not sure what good looking means anymore. Im attracted to girls that I like, but they are not the worlds greatest standard and I don't seem to care, I think they are beautiful... Im not sure I understand.
Should I go out the the best looking girls I can find... Hmmm...., Or, those that Im attracted to...
Im still day dreaming...
Im finally cleaning up my apartment... it was so bad that it was effecting my clothing, and I got complaints.. This is part of the dissociative world that Im slowly coming out of. Im stripping the apartment of everything.. Getting it back into working order.. Ive thrown out almost all my clothing. Im getting rid of the bed, in place of something much smaller and workable. If Im going to have women over, it must be a clean place.
Im praying all the time. I need a greater relationship with God.
My art life is dead. The PTSD and messed relationship stuff has ruined it. My nervous system is to taken over and has no room for anything other then the trauma its dealing with. I hope levels go down that I can start the music stuff again. The girl thing gets in the way. I fall in love then I have to deal with the rejection; This eats up everything..
hopefully things will pass.
I have allot of grieving to do...
Still have a problem buying things to avoid my pain; Im hoping a new thing will kill the pain from bad relationships..
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