Random Blog Entry
Thinking it over by brainslug on Fri Jan 04, 2013 6:40 pm
I am having a hard time coming to decision on what to do.
Despite that, I am feeling really good right now.
I don't feel like it is much of an ego-boosted good feeling, either.
I just generally feel like doing something. I want to go somewhere, do something.
I am feeling a mild sense of anxiety, but I am mostly okay.
Currently, I am wishing that the prom-girl would get on facebook. I feel like I can have a conversation now, and I am hoping that the ability doesn't go away before I have a chance to contact her. I believe that she is still sleeping, though. I could possibly text her, but that is pretty anxiety provoking since I haven't talked to her in a long time, and she probably doesn't know my number (I remember her saying something about getting a new phone on twitter).
I feel very, very 'pressured'. I feel like I HAVE TO do something RIGHT NOW.
This is, in most ways, the same as how I felt last summer when I did talk to her, but ended up acting far too avoidant. I really feel like I can do it now.
I am concerned, however, that with this resurgence and these feelings I will miss a good opportunity with the other girl, and that I should just forget about the prom-girl, but I don't know. I feel like I CAN'T. I can't find anything else to be good right now.
I am afraid that I am going to screw myself over again.
Also, I realize that there is no reason for me to believe that the prom-girl will still like me or anything, but I don't think I really understand it on a decision making level right now.
The way I am leaning towards looking at it is that this will be closure. As much I part of me would like to, I can't just move on. I need to either be devastated or thrilled.
As a side note, I almost wish that everything was back to how it was a week ago. This is the worst good feeling I have had. I would almost prefer to feel flat out bad and not have to worry about things and be so high-strung. The problem is that I absolutely cannot concentrate on anything else. Before, I was having fun playing guild wars 2, but now I can't even enjoy anything. It is just this constant apprehension. Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining. The worst outcome is that I go back to how I was before, but it is driving me insane. I want things to happen now. I feel like "WHY AREN'T THINGS HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!". I have a faint buzzing feeling across my body.
I wish I could concentrate this energy on something useful.
I am about to just try to do something else and get my mind off it. I just don't want the 'courage' to fall with it. Then again, maybe it should. I don't believe that I am of sound mind right now. It is too confusing which mode of thought is correct.
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