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badtotheliver
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Joined: Fri Aug 12, 2016 11:39 pm
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- March 2017
I'm not afraid of loving you anymore
   Wed Mar 22, 2017 7:23 pm
Acceptance will set you free.
   Wed Mar 22, 2017 7:20 pm

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I'm not afraid of loving you anymore

Permanent Linkby badtotheliver on Wed Mar 22, 2017 7:23 pm

I've always worried about expressing my illness with my bf. His sister went through a lot of heartache stress & pain divorcing a man who is bipolar as well(future post on my theory of bipolar law of attraction coming soon!). I just assumed that he would cut all ties with me based off his sisters past experiences…

Well while I was in inpatient treatment I called him and just confessed it all. My issues, demons, etc. I finished the conversation saying I love you for the first time. It just felt right. He said it back without hesitation and surety. He laughed off my hesitations of being open with him & stated “its okay babe i accept you for you & i’ll always be here for you”

I just couldnt imagine him loving me flaws & all and i must say it feels so damn amazing to know I am capable of being loved

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Acceptance will set you free.

Permanent Linkby badtotheliver on Wed Mar 22, 2017 7:20 pm

I was admitted to the loony bin aka psych hospital because of panic attacks/depression/suicidal thoughts or what I like to call “the cocktail from hell” this past January. I walked in to the bldg already knowing i was the textbook definition of a patient who needed to be admitted. That part didn’t bother me at all. This aint my first rodeo lol.

The thing that really messed with me during the intake process was the deep rooted shame that came from me acting a damn fool the first time I came to the facility 4 years ago. I was in such denial as a 20 year old college student who truly believed i was more so quirky & fun then bipolar. I couldn't help but be embarrassed reminiscing on how poorly i treated the doctor and other staff members. I kicked, screamed, and pretty much acted an ass until they called a code 10 & gave me enough geodon to knock out a walrus or Chris Christi haha.

I expressed this to the intake psychologist and she kindly reminded me that they honestly just want to help no grudges allowed. (Or something along the lines of that in which I cant remember at the moment blehhh) she put me at ease and I went through the treatment as open and honest as possible while of course apologizing to those familiar faces i recognized from back then.

The stormy cloud over my head is starting to clear and I am just so thankful for having another mental break 4 year later as crazy as that may sound.

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