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The "Bad Seed" by Chi5 on Mon Mar 07, 2016 10:12 pm
I am the middle child, a daughter of 3 girls total. Since I can remember, my mother always hated me. I remember the abuse that I endured... being punched, choked, beat with extension cords, thrown down the basement stairs and locked down there for hours. I was and always will be the "bad seed" in that family. My father used to stick up for me. He and I would go fishing to escape the madness. I was healthy during those times, until one day that i will never forget. I was about 7 years old.My mother was angry with me, slapping me and throwing me around. I got away from her and was running from her. She slammed our back door and broke the window out of it. When my father came home, she blamed it on me. I wouldn't confess to it and that's the day I became a liar and my father abandoned me. One day that changed everything for me. One day I was loved by someone, the next, I had nobody at all. Because of this specific situation and countless others, I became silent. Nobody wants to believe the aweful truth. When she didn't hate me, I was sick for months on end: vomiting, hallucinations, severe body aches and urinary tract infections, high fevers. Her food would taste funny during those times and I'm almost positive she was poisoning me. I remember being sick my entire fifth grade year. I was 10. I was so ill, that I aspirated on my vomit and was drowning in my sleep while having a terrible nightmare about Santa Claus. She never took me to the hospital or to see a family doctor during these long periods of illness. Teachers would accuse me of faking because I didn't want to go to school. Everywhere I turned, I was a liar and a bad seed. I guess I started believing that I am unlovable. I've been through so many abusive relationships. I feel that I bring it out in people, like it's all my fault. I have children of my own... three girls that I won't even spank because I'm afraid of turning into my mother. I have attempted suicide countless times, but I have a good therapist, somebody who believes me. That's still a hard concept to wrap my head around. I'm doing "better" but I'm afraid that I'm going to relapse back into my out of hell and I'm afraid to tell the whole truth. This is as much information as I've ever put out there. To this day, I won't eat her food and she sabotages my life and my character. I've invested 15 years into a company and managed to get a really great promotion, but I think I'm going to have to leave this place. I am not the terrible person that they make me out to be. I am quite empathetic and have absolutely no desire to harm anyone. I just don't understand why?!? Why won't it end? Why won't she let me live in peace, even to this day. I am 35 years old. Both of my parents act like none of this ever happened or continues to happen. They say I have "problems" and I need help. I don't talk to them anymore... advice from my therapist that I am quite thankful for.
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