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Brandy or Blair.... Who am I??? by crazy_butterfly on Thu Jan 26, 2012 8:43 pm
Today was a crappy day at work. I was stuck up front, which brings out Blair. I just get so frustrated, anxious, and angry that I turn into Blair. I don't mean to. I wish I could stop the things that I do when I get that way, but I don't have any control at that point. I am helpless. We were getting our asses kicked and I was getting pissed off at everyone around me. Then of course my ex-friend that works at another store needed to borrow some stuff, so I had to deal with that. It would be nice if I got help around there. Maybe it's just me feeling like I need to do everything myself. I don't know. Well, I went back to get the stuff she needed and then she wanted some food safety books and I had absolutely no clue where they were. I was being a complete bitch. The person on backcash looked and me and Blair spits her venom out. "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?" She looks at my ex-friend and says "obviously Blair." I feel so bad for going psycho on everyone. I ended up having to pop a Xanax to calm myself down before I stuck my head in a vat. I wish I could control myself at that point, but I have to let it run it's course. Eventually I will turn back into me, the nice one. Ok, not completely nice, but I am not verbally abusive. Then I will keep everything in. I don't know what happened. The Seroquel was working so well. I could keep my cool and I wouldn't turn into Blair. No one likes her. I don't like her. I feel like everyone is judging me and I am afraid one day I will get fired for going insane on my crew people. I am a manager, I am suppose to keep my cool, but I can't. I really need February 28th to get here so I can see my Psychiatrist. But I guess thats only if she keeps me on my meds since she wants to take them away because I smoke a little weed. I mean come on if I am self injuring like crazy and I don't care if I die, maybe my Psychiatrist should get me in right away or at least call me. But no, she tells my therapist to call me and tell me that she won't do anything because it's the pot that is making me irritable. NO IT ISN"T!!! And that if I don't stop she will take away my meds. Well, then when I asked for something to help me sleep maybe she should have given it to me. Damn Bitch. Ughh. I am just so frustrated. At least my GP was nice enough to give me Xanax. My psychiatrist won't give it to me anyways because I need to "learn to deal." Sometimes I wonder if she knows what she is doing. I hope tomorrow is better....

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Blog Post by peaklite on Thu Jun 23, 2016 2:26 am
Went through and looked at all my blog posts from the past couple years and read them all, it's crazy how much of my life it covers really considering this bit is the most important bit of my life so far....

[ Continued ]

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Why Empathy Is Actually Not A Standard by Chainsaw on Tue Jun 21, 2016 7:08 pm
When I was younger, I always believed that empathy was some adult-made concept and that people who really behave like they had it, were just sheeps in a matrix who weren't "woke up" yet. But...

[ Continued ]

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Child trauma by curls on Tue Jun 21, 2016 7:07 pm
Hi everyone

I am just wondering I am still not sure if what I have gone through or going through has anything to do with my childhood. See when i as 8 years old my mother moved countries with me cus...

[ Continued ]

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I just need to venty by Danilee14 on Tue Jun 21, 2016 6:25 am
I am 34 and I have been diagnosed with having bipolar 2 mixed with psychotic tendencies. For about 3 to 4 months now I have quit taking my meds cause they made me sleepy and it was just to much to remember....

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I am whatever I need to be at the time I need to be it by MrsBrightside on Mon Jun 20, 2016 6:49 pm
That's all.

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Re: Positivity by Snaga on Fri Jun 24, 2016 4:40 pm

Re: IN DIRE NEED OF HELP FEELING LOW by Snaga on Fri Jun 24, 2016 1:08 am
I'd suggest posting this in Bipolar, sweets, rather than the blogs, which are more for journalling without expectation of a reply. How are you doing, now? Are you feeling better?

Re: Age groups of alters by Johnny-Jack on Fri Jun 17, 2016 3:04 am
As of 13 OCT 2015:
6 Babies/Toddlers, to age 2
20 Littles, age 3-7
11 middles, age 8-12
5 teens, age 13-19
9 adults, age 20 up
1 ageless
0 age sliders

Re: A little about Henry by Johnny-Jack on Fri Jun 17, 2016 2:56 am
The dog cartoon on the wall reminded him of our aunt's dog Poochey, whom we loved. Henry is our alter who came out whenever our mother lost us, wandered away in her own dissociative confusion or perhaps...

[ Continued ]

Re: Gilgamesh and Inky Dinky Doo by Johnny-Jack on Fri Jun 17, 2016 2:50 am
The mother deliberately tried to lure Inky into traffic, to cross the street toward her when there was traffic. It was really sick. He was also afraid that she was going to shove him out in front of cars...

[ Continued ]

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