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Model of the self by Ada on Sat Jun 23, 2012 12:43 pm
Sparked by various discussions in the SPD forum, I've been thinking about my imagined self, the mental model that I use to base decisions on. Which I'm calling Me here, although it is not separate or named when I think with it. For example, I might say: should I do X tomorrow? I imagine Me doing X and see how it feels. Is there a benefit: yes, I'll do it. If not, or if there's a significant downside counterbalancing the up: no, I won't.

I realised a week or two ago that my Me does not have quirky personality traits. Worse, it's not based on what I might be like if I were 100% average, either. It is my fantasy self who is always impossibly erudite, witty, loving and loved in every daydreamed circumstance. This is a problem. It causes cognitive dissonance when I make plans and set goals that are, in essence, stupid. I know better than to commit myself to day-long social events, back-to-back appointments and so on. But that's after years of bitter experience and even now it's a conscious process. My Me creates a version of what I OUGHT to want, and then I have to scale that back to achieve any of it.

Letting Me shop makes it obvious where the problem is. Me can vividly imagine myself with a high-powered job in the capital, and will try to buy clothes or accessories to match. Or evening gowns for the theatre, ignoring the plain fact that I haven't been in over ten years. Fortunately I lack the expensive tastes that would turn this into a major issue. It's just a little sad as I take yet another pile of alternative-universe-Ada outfits to the charity shop.

Finally, Me is sometimes right. I rarely want to leave the house for social reasons, but have to grudgingly admit that they are often fun. It's Me that has encouraged me to quit bad jobs and to apply for new, better ones. Of course. It's supporting movement towards the Idealised Me. And I have a kickass wardrobe ready if I get there.

What am I even saying here? That I am confused about finding my balance between realism and idealism? Yes, also that I thought it was good to know my limitations, but it is increasingly apparent I have no idea. In fact, that I can't quite trust Me. I'm not out to self-sabotage or hurt myself, but, I'm seriously stupid about myself.

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My Journal Blog by Violarules on Tue Jul 22, 2014 9:53 pm
Hi all. I decided to open a blog page just so I can have a place to journal when I need to. I'm Violarules and I have ADHD but I think I might have DID so that's the forum you'll find me in the most. I'm...

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It never ends by smartenup on Tue Jul 22, 2014 5:00 am
After month's of kidding myself that I would exclude myself from the casino, I did not. I will admit I am powerless.
I am weak. They offer Free play, I get bored, I try to resist but it's free money right?...

[ Continued ]

1 Comment Viewed 26 times
Happy by SomeGirl845 on Tue Jul 22, 2014 12:25 am
Just sharing some smiles and joy with you all!

:D ...

[ Continued ]

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aspie stuff.. by scepticalblahblah on Mon Jul 21, 2014 11:36 am
I'm fed up today.. maybe depressed and sad is a better description.. i'm not even sure myself. I do know that i feel like crying and my chest hurts though.

I ache at the moment.. i ache with thinking...

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What am I? by Orangeflipflop on Mon Jul 21, 2014 3:39 am
I had just arrived at my friend's place to watch her son and I had never noticed, but she was awesomely slender! As soon as she left, I found myself rushing to the bathroom and lifting up my dress to my...

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Re: It never ends by Ada on Tue Jul 22, 2014 3:47 pm
I really hope that goes well for you! Maybe plan out some ways you'd like to spend [or save for future use] what you're earning? Having a definite aim in mind might help if an urge later comes to "make...

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Re: 2 Years, 2 Months Of Peace by StuckinNV on Tue Jul 22, 2014 6:15 am
Hi there! I just want to let you know I still drift in here and read your blog for inspiration. Last June when I made a half ass effort at attempting to quit gambling, I wasn't successful. It wasn't...

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Re: mind trick that works for me everytime I pee by JtotheOtotheE on Tue Jul 22, 2014 12:00 am

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Re: I like this. by XinshiMorend on Fri Jul 18, 2014 12:21 am
[quote="RememberRonni"]Please don't forget that blog posts need to be approved by the mods before they are published. That might explain the time lapse. We do get to them as quickly as possible...

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Re: I like this. by floatingtree on Mon Jul 14, 2014 7:28 pm
I sent you a message XinshiMorend. Not sure if it got to you or not. Let me know if it didn't.

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