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Who Am I???? How did I get here???? by Lostinmyself on Tue Oct 02, 2012 7:50 pm
Let me start this off by telling you who I am.
I am a blessed mother of four children. I have a wonderful husband that supports me and listens to me when I am at the end. I have an amazing life! Which makes this so much harder...
I was diagnosed with bi-polar a few years back. I have tried about 30 different medications and I have seen 3 different therapists. I was put in the hospital back in march and stayed over a week.
Nothing seems to work or help. I feel like I am slowly falling apart inside. I feel so angry because I can not change this. I can not change the way I feel. When things in my life a great and I should be happy Im not!!! I put on a good face but inside I just want to curl up in bed and sleep forever.
My emotions control me. I wish I could just get rid of them. I hate them!!
I wake up every morning and feel sad. I go to bed every night sad.
I lay in bed for hours at night unable to sleep and think about all the things that I should have done a different way. How I could have been better. Things I should change.
I feel sad, I dont understand why. I lay in my nice warm bed with my loving husband next to me. He wraps his arms around me and tells me that he loves me and that I am not alone. He tells me that he is hear for me.
There is nothing that has caused this!!! I have had a good life!!! I'm 31 years old, people my age should not have problems like this!
I have stopped going to the therapist. I tried three of them and all they did was try and find a reason. What happened in my childhood? Did something horrible happen to me as an adult? They told me that people are not like I am without a cause! I could not handle it anymore! I was paying 300.00 a week for someone to tell me NOTHING! I stopped taking medication, I was tired of being switched from one medication to another and nothing working. I was tired of the constant side effects.
Something is wrong with me, I dont know how to fix it!! I dont know what to do about it!! I cant imagine feeling like this the rest of my life. My husband and my children have to deal with this. I just dont know what to do.
There has got to be someone out there that feels the same way I do. There has got to be someone that understands.
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