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The "Bad Seed" by Chi5 on Mon Mar 07, 2016 10:12 pm
I am the middle child, a daughter of 3 girls total. Since I can remember, my mother always hated me. I remember the abuse that I endured... being punched, choked, beat with extension cords, thrown down the basement stairs and locked down there for hours. I was and always will be the "bad seed" in that family. My father used to stick up for me. He and I would go fishing to escape the madness. I was healthy during those times, until one day that i will never forget. I was about 7 years old.My mother was angry with me, slapping me and throwing me around. I got away from her and was running from her. She slammed our back door and broke the window out of it. When my father came home, she blamed it on me. I wouldn't confess to it and that's the day I became a liar and my father abandoned me. One day that changed everything for me. One day I was loved by someone, the next, I had nobody at all. Because of this specific situation and countless others, I became silent. Nobody wants to believe the aweful truth. When she didn't hate me, I was sick for months on end: vomiting, hallucinations, severe body aches and urinary tract infections, high fevers. Her food would taste funny during those times and I'm almost positive she was poisoning me. I remember being sick my entire fifth grade year. I was 10. I was so ill, that I aspirated on my vomit and was drowning in my sleep while having a terrible nightmare about Santa Claus. She never took me to the hospital or to see a family doctor during these long periods of illness. Teachers would accuse me of faking because I didn't want to go to school. Everywhere I turned, I was a liar and a bad seed. I guess I started believing that I am unlovable. I've been through so many abusive relationships. I feel that I bring it out in people, like it's all my fault. I have children of my own... three girls that I won't even spank because I'm afraid of turning into my mother. I have attempted suicide countless times, but I have a good therapist, somebody who believes me. That's still a hard concept to wrap my head around. I'm doing "better" but I'm afraid that I'm going to relapse back into my out of hell and I'm afraid to tell the whole truth. This is as much information as I've ever put out there. To this day, I won't eat her food and she sabotages my life and my character. I've invested 15 years into a company and managed to get a really great promotion, but I think I'm going to have to leave this place. I am not the terrible person that they make me out to be. I am quite empathetic and have absolutely no desire to harm anyone. I just don't understand why?!? Why won't it end? Why won't she let me live in peace, even to this day. I am 35 years old. Both of my parents act like none of this ever happened or continues to happen. They say I have "problems" and I need help. I don't talk to them anymore... advice from my therapist that I am quite thankful for.

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What Mental Disorder Is My friend? by monaalisaa on Wed Aug 31, 2016 1:14 am
Hello. I am a female in my 30s and I have been having a problem with a female friend of mine. She is 10 years older than I am, and I am aware that she is suffering from empty nest syndrome (first time...

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I really think something is wrong with me. *TW* by FightingGirl0723 on Wed Aug 31, 2016 12:47 am
I have a lot of trouble focusing on things outside of my thoughts. I generally get bored and shake or constantly moved or fidgety. It has gotten gotten to the point where at times my body seems as if it...

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H e l l o ! by Lulalullaby on Tue Aug 30, 2016 10:07 pm
I don't really have anything special to say tonight. I just wanted to wish you a nice day, whoever is reading this, and remind you there are always still people out there who will listen to you and understand...

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Pick yourself up by your bootstraps by Bewitched65 on Mon Aug 29, 2016 5:06 pm
I am so down I'm thinking about asking my GP for anti anxiety or anti depression meds.

I'm trying to think of a story why I need them- she stated I was social anxiety disorder when I first met her. ...

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Failed work by Bewitched65 on Mon Aug 29, 2016 3:58 pm
I was thinking about the case management job I quit after two weeks.

If the environment had been different I could have stayed. Several things did not go as I envisioned them. Ok- I went through one...

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Re: Free Rent -where to find it? by Bewitched65 on Mon Aug 29, 2016 3:25 pm
I didn't know how much I loved a home and yard until I went back to apartment life. When we moved in here, sitting in the rental office, an elderly gentlemen was moving out...He said "oh you speak...

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Re: Childhood dysfunction and mental illness by yesosiro on Sat Aug 27, 2016 8:22 pm
Thank you so much Snaga, I really appreciate the clarification. I'll keep that in mind!

Re: Free Rent -where to find it? by Snaga on Sat Aug 27, 2016 12:07 pm
Wow... you must really hate where you're at..... hugs!

Re: Childhood dysfunction and mental illness by Snaga on Sat Aug 27, 2016 11:49 am
No, it's the blogs- the posting format is okay, as long as the forum rules are followed, you can ramble as you please in blog.

Do not feel hurt if you don't get replies, however... I find that replies...

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Re: Hocd or denial by Hocdeath on Fri Aug 26, 2016 8:39 am
And could you tell me that is this fear normal?

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