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Who Am I???? How did I get here???? by Lostinmyself on Tue Oct 02, 2012 7:50 pm

Let me start this off by telling you who I am.
I am a blessed mother of four children. I have a wonderful husband that supports me and listens to me when I am at the end. I have an amazing life! Which makes this so much harder...

I was diagnosed with bi-polar a few years back. I have tried about 30 different medications and I have seen 3 different therapists. I was put in the hospital back in march and stayed over a week.

Nothing seems to work or help. I feel like I am slowly falling apart inside. I feel so angry because I can not change this. I can not change the way I feel. When things in my life a great and I should be happy Im not!!! I put on a good face but inside I just want to curl up in bed and sleep forever.

My emotions control me. I wish I could just get rid of them. I hate them!!

I wake up every morning and feel sad. I go to bed every night sad.
I lay in bed for hours at night unable to sleep and think about all the things that I should have done a different way. How I could have been better. Things I should change.
I feel sad, I dont understand why. I lay in my nice warm bed with my loving husband next to me. He wraps his arms around me and tells me that he loves me and that I am not alone. He tells me that he is hear for me.

There is nothing that has caused this!!! I have had a good life!!! I'm 31 years old, people my age should not have problems like this!

I have stopped going to the therapist. I tried three of them and all they did was try and find a reason. What happened in my childhood? Did something horrible happen to me as an adult? They told me that people are not like I am without a cause! I could not handle it anymore! I was paying 300.00 a week for someone to tell me NOTHING! I stopped taking medication, I was tired of being switched from one medication to another and nothing working. I was tired of the constant side effects.

Something is wrong with me, I dont know how to fix it!! I dont know what to do about it!! I cant imagine feeling like this the rest of my life. My husband and my children have to deal with this. I just dont know what to do.

There has got to be someone out there that feels the same way I do. There has got to be someone that understands.

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sick of titles...maybe ill just number them by sabotage3 on Tue Mar 28, 2017 3:11 pm
I dont recognize the person I used to be. I dont feel the same. I know people change - but why do I get worse?

Maybe it just seems that way right now because Im in such a bad place. IDK.

I dont know...

[ Continued ]

0 Comments Viewed 10 times
do it again by sabotage3 on Mon Mar 27, 2017 9:17 pm
Now you swear and kick and beg us
That you're not a gamblin' man
Then you find you're back in Vegas
With a handle in your hand

-Steely Dan

0 Comments Viewed 31 times
I must specify a subject when posting a new topic by sabotage3 on Mon Mar 27, 2017 4:18 pm
ok. Let's try a blog then. I suppose they probably need to be mod approved also.

I dont get it. If I wanted to post something atrocious like nude photos of myself couldnt I just as easily do it in the...

[ Continued ]

1 Comment Viewed 41 times
Nair™ Burns by AnnMarie on Mon Mar 27, 2017 3:59 pm
In the end, it was anti-climactically simple. For about a week, I’ve been eager to buy something girly; but whenever I went to the store, I would run into people I knew. I had basically given up; and t...

[ Continued ]

0 Comments Viewed 18 times
creating music as activity by OMNICELL on Mon Mar 27, 2017 5:00 am
My mental illness destroyed many areas of my life; 2 specific areas; the ability to get involved in activities and relationships!

I bitch about the situations I have with women! the main problem...

[ Continued ]

0 Comments Viewed 17 times
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Re: I must specify a subject when posting a new topic by Snaga on Tue Mar 28, 2017 7:10 am
Yes, all blog and journal entries go thru the mod team..

Re: getting used to meds by wasp_rainbowarrior on Sat Mar 25, 2017 8:11 am
i'm always uncomfortable around men. around straight men i feel like an outsider and around gay men i feel this pressure to be something i'm not. i just hate the way the entirety of men socialize, i guess....

[ Continued ]

Re: this should be interesting by msunderstood on Thu Mar 23, 2017 12:31 pm
It's not "my" blog if it has to be moderated. It's the forum's.

Re: this should be interesting by Snaga on Thu Mar 23, 2017 6:31 am
We don't delete posts, as a rule. And yes, all blog posts are moderated...

As for content, as long as you're within forum rules for graphic content and are respectful of other members, it's your blog,...

[ Continued ]

Re: this should be interesting by msunderstood on Wed Mar 22, 2017 4:58 pm
just ignore me.

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