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My Story Part 1 by diamond11 on Mon Sep 03, 2012 1:07 pm
It all started when I was just a little girl. I remember going to the beach with my two best friends and their family. I wandered innocently in the sand in my one piece bathing suit when I accidentally overhead the adults talking.

"She's actually quite chubby' remarked my best friend's mum.

Those four words would ring in my ears for years. Even now I remember that very scene which started my obsession with food, weight and body image.

After that day I became extremely self conscious, I constantly compared my body to the other girls. I couldn't help but think I needed to lose weight. I was only in grade four, perhaps even younger. I started to starve myself and as one would expect, I lost weight, but to me, it wasn't good enough. I wanted to be as thin as my bestfriend. I remember my parents, my aunty and my bestfriend's mum telling me I was too thin and asking if I had anorexia. I was in denial.

My parents forced me to eat more food, and eventually, I did. I gained back a bit of weight and reached a healthy weight. This made me want to starve myself again.

High school rolled around. I remember fluctuating around 49kilos and one I hit 50-51kilos, I started actually starving myself. I remember eating very little breakfast, only drinking water at school, watching every morsel I ate if at all and stressing out when people offered me food. I swoon started binging after school. We had a tube of biscuits and cookies and I would devour that box as soon as I came home from school. I then felt guilty and occasionally skipped dinner and the cycle would continue the next day.

As time wore on, I stopped skipping dinner and just stuffed myself. I gained weight and felt horrible but the binging got worse.

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The System - A Philosophical Point of View by ElKahn on Fri Apr 18, 2014 6:13 pm
This world is driving me crazy because I am awake. I can see what goes on behind the scenes. I have started to see through the veil.

The medias brainwash us all, without caring about our lives. The system...

[ Continued ]

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analysis dream by davidivad on Fri Apr 18, 2014 10:44 am
i had a really strange dream last night.
my mind seemed to be working the problem of "working the problem." ...

[ Continued ]

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Update by ElKahn on Fri Apr 18, 2014 3:36 am
April 2014

Discovery of my Necrophilia


Paraphilias I have:

Sexual sadism


Syringe and drug fetish

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Getting by when you feel like nobody really knows you. by Constantius on Thu Apr 17, 2014 5:51 pm
So this is my first post here. I don't know why anyone would want to read my thoughts, but if you do, you're welcome here. I suppose this kind of blog is more for the writer than for the reader, isn't...

[ Continued ]

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Back by mbw on Thu Apr 17, 2014 2:32 pm
It's odd to think how warped my life became for a good couple of months. Scary, really. There was a moment where I wondered "What if I'm right to feel this way? What if I was only deluding myself...

[ Continued ]

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Re: In memory of my wayward uncle by I_malone on Sat Apr 19, 2014 2:38 am
Sorry to hear about Liam. What a typically mad human passion: to disbelieve in god or gods, but have a passionate urge to find proof to the contrary! Your writing evokes a ragged, torn ~even tormented~...

[ Continued ]

Re: Getting off the sex train, part 1 of 2, by C.Nic by davidivad on Fri Apr 18, 2014 2:58 am
i don't understand.
you wanted her to be close to you and get hurt?
what do YOU gain?
proof that you are smart?
a smart individual doesn't have to work for it...

Re: o-o;; by Oliveira on Thu Apr 17, 2014 1:25 pm
But hugs are weird for a lot of people.

As a gay man for instance when I tried to hug straights I got immediate reactions like "uhhh, step away, no interest". I honestly wanted a hug and nothing...

[ Continued ]

Re: 61 by davidivad on Thu Apr 17, 2014 11:09 am
you don't have to be dominant anymore.
i have been there though.
it is bad enough you have to constantly defend your territory but then you have a 100 pound woman trying to strike a home run with your...

[ Continued ]

Re: over it by davidivad on Wed Apr 16, 2014 11:51 pm
what matters most is who she chooses to be with. it sounds like that might just be you.

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