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Brandy or Blair.... Who am I??? by crazy_butterfly on Thu Jan 26, 2012 8:43 pm
Today was a crappy day at work. I was stuck up front, which brings out Blair. I just get so frustrated, anxious, and angry that I turn into Blair. I don't mean to. I wish I could stop the things that I do when I get that way, but I don't have any control at that point. I am helpless. We were getting our asses kicked and I was getting pissed off at everyone around me. Then of course my ex-friend that works at another store needed to borrow some stuff, so I had to deal with that. It would be nice if I got help around there. Maybe it's just me feeling like I need to do everything myself. I don't know. Well, I went back to get the stuff she needed and then she wanted some food safety books and I had absolutely no clue where they were. I was being a complete bitch. The person on backcash looked and me and Blair spits her venom out. "WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?" She looks at my ex-friend and says "obviously Blair." I feel so bad for going psycho on everyone. I ended up having to pop a Xanax to calm myself down before I stuck my head in a vat. I wish I could control myself at that point, but I have to let it run it's course. Eventually I will turn back into me, the nice one. Ok, not completely nice, but I am not verbally abusive. Then I will keep everything in. I don't know what happened. The Seroquel was working so well. I could keep my cool and I wouldn't turn into Blair. No one likes her. I don't like her. I feel like everyone is judging me and I am afraid one day I will get fired for going insane on my crew people. I am a manager, I am suppose to keep my cool, but I can't. I really need February 28th to get here so I can see my Psychiatrist. But I guess thats only if she keeps me on my meds since she wants to take them away because I smoke a little weed. I mean come on if I am self injuring like crazy and I don't care if I die, maybe my Psychiatrist should get me in right away or at least call me. But no, she tells my therapist to call me and tell me that she won't do anything because it's the pot that is making me irritable. NO IT ISN"T!!! And that if I don't stop she will take away my meds. Well, then when I asked for something to help me sleep maybe she should have given it to me. Damn Bitch. Ughh. I am just so frustrated. At least my GP was nice enough to give me Xanax. My psychiatrist won't give it to me anyways because I need to "learn to deal." Sometimes I wonder if she knows what she is doing. I hope tomorrow is better....
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