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A good thing, maybe? by brainslug on Sat Jan 05, 2013 8:50 pm
I am still feeling restless, extremely so.

This is almost EXACTLY how I felt during the summer.

It is almost inevitable that I will attempt to talk to the prom-girl on facebook. It is absolutely driving me insane.

I am thinking this state may actually be a good thing.

Even though I obviously do not really enjoy it, it seems like a get out of jail easier card.

It is like a boost, and I know I need one.

Now, the problem is if I can do it be maintain good mind while doing it. Although I have more boost, there is still a strong flighty feeling.

I can't really decide if I feel good or bad. On one hand, I am extremely worried and feel so, so pressured. On the other, I feel like "yeah, lets do this, I have all the energy in the world". I feel very "zeroed in". My body feels very light, like I am a child, and my legs are kinda sore in an acidic way. I am not hungry. I feel like I could marathon 10 miles, but I obviously know I can't. For one thing, I wouldn't be able to focus on it. I feel so conflicted because I have so much energy, but I only want to spend it on one thing, and there is not much to spend it on.

I am also worried because this is obviously a very transient state. I feel like I need to act now before it goes away, but I am also afraid to. I am also thinking "what if I do manage to ask her on a date and then my courage goes away before it happens?"

I feel like it is a boost to get out of this pattern, but I am also anxious about doing anything.

Based on last time's results, even if I fail, I will get a good mood afterwards(something probably bordering on hypomania), so I am not extremely worried. I mean, I want the results to be good, but at least I don't think everything is going to crash if it end up badly.

Speaking of it ending badly, I can't really think of it ending badly. Somewhere in the back of my brain, I think the probability of its ending is something like 25% good, 50% neutral, and 25% bad. I don't know, though, because that is the same part of me that said she would never like me in the first place.

A big concern is that I don't want to come at her too intense. I mean, if I acted like I am feeling and probably typing right now, she would probably think I had taken up meth. Last time, I acted, I think, a little too stimulanty- short cut sentences with a lot of intensity, but very flighty.

If I talk to her, I need to stay (more like become) calm or at least attempt to act it. That isn't a problem in real life, but typing, it could be.

It is a shame that I can only talk to her in such a worked up state. If I was able to when I feel normal, I think I could do a better job.

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Saw the Doc by C-standard9 on Tue Sep 30, 2014 1:48 pm
Good ol' doc. Made me feel at ease. Im not any crazier than I was before. Im starting my new meds and hes going to bat against the insurance company. I got some new sample packs and should have a script...

[ Continued ]

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My girlfriend tried to kill herself..... by firefighter128 on Tue Sep 30, 2014 7:16 am
ok I need some help on how to handle this situation . my girlfriend tried to kill herself I have never been with anyone that has tried that. I know that she has severe depression, an she was taking her...

[ Continued ]

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The fire within by Johnny-Jack on Tue Sep 30, 2014 3:39 am
I wrote this three years ago and it still describes me to the core better than anything else I could otherwise put into words.

I am strong
I am a man
I protect and provide
I nurture and I love
yet I have...

[ Continued ]

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why I'm here (my story) by jaded821 on Tue Sep 30, 2014 1:31 am
I'm 23 years old and I was diagnosed with BPD about 2 years ago. But I've been struggling with it for much longer than that. Please try to avoid judging me when reading this post. I've messed up a ton...

[ Continued ]

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yeah, no by C-standard9 on Mon Sep 29, 2014 4:04 am
Im thinking this latest thing is some kind of delusion. Ive gatta start catching these things before publicly stating it.

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Re: A little about Henry by Johnny-Jack on Sat Sep 27, 2014 10:50 pm
In therapy when bringing up Henry there was the knowing that he was triggered forward by a dog on the wall. I don't recall there being a dog but it was kind of a trendy, funky place and there were weird...

[ Continued ]

Re: Analyzation of a failed progress of work by C-standard9 on Fri Sep 26, 2014 7:25 pm
I hope you find your way soon.

Re: Its a Bad Day by C-standard9 on Fri Sep 26, 2014 2:39 pm
I dont know, sometimes Im just in moods. I felt much better after everything.

Re: Its a Bad Day by itis on Fri Sep 26, 2014 6:23 am
What caused your waking up on the wrong side of the bed?

Re: Self Harming by misssykes on Tue Sep 23, 2014 4:44 pm
Thanks a lot! I'm new here so I don't know a lot yet, hehe..
Thanks for your advice and kindness!

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