Our partner

Blog Stats
6302Total Entries
2238Total Comments
Search Blogs

  • Category
Random Blog Entry
Sequins and Sequences by Hallusinating on Sun Feb 24, 2013 12:12 am
My father left me
my siblings hated my mother and stepfather thru me
i used to share room with my half siblings from i was 9-12
when i was 12 i moved downstairs to the basement where i lived alone for a short while until my elder sibling moved in with us

the basement was under the kitchen and it laid isolated from the rest of the house so i felt exluded from the family (my mother, stepfather and 2 halfsisters) upstairs.
There was a sliding door to the kitchen and the rest of the rooms were on the other side of the flat.

So it was basically just me, dust and some spiders...

then there was that spider incident and the dog argument.
It all just became too overwhelming.
With ALL the conflicts that touched every one i had relations to.

My mentality cracked for a short while and i did something desperate, silly and dumb to our dog, which had acted as a projection for my stepfathers anger about my mothers abortion and then that argument also became about his love for his first born who was complaining about the dog, so he was proclaiming his love for her, and how he would always be there for her and back her up. Which for me wasn`t a good thing to hear since i had lost my father. At that time i didn`t understand it. I was inside my shell and my mother pretended as if nothing was wrong with neither me nor her last family. (the dog was not hurt).
Shortly after they had to sell because it was howling when nobody was home and the neighbours complained about it.
I think my feelings took over my action.

When i was 4 i walked in on my stepfather and mum having sex. I laid in the room close to them and could hear my mother screaming, so i walk in to them to see what was happening and i was met with a spank on my ass and pushed into my room with order of not going in there again.

Naturally i was shocked.

I also received a shower of yelling when i was in the car with my mother one day and asked her where my father was. That was the first time she yelled at me.

I have a very twisted situation, that has felt both destructive and shattered at the same time.

I guess its the only time i have done something down right silly and twisted.

And no i wasn`t drinking that day...my last drink was half a beer on first of january-i chucked the rest of it down the drain cuz i didn`t feel like drinking. Perhaps i should get appraisal for all the things i am not doing? Like taking drugs, killing people or taking my own life. But the truth is the only ones who cares about that is (or should be) my family, but they have never cared about me.

There`s absolutely no use in sitting and wishing for something i am never going to get.

When people talk about rivalry in between siblings, i get what they mean, but that has never been the case for me...well if you exclude my stalking sister-she has had an ongoing war against me inside her head ever since we were children.

She got so angry seeing that i had her red dress in my closet. She came to visit my mother when we were young (i was about 5). She looked at my room and went in my closet where she saw the red dress that used to belong to her before... I didn`t know it had been hers i assumed(being in my age), that it had appeared magically in my closet...

She got quiet, sulky and angry.

I couldn`t use the dress since it was too small for me, so it just hung there because it was so pretty with sequins. Later my sister got it back and hung it up on her wall.

It had probably followed the moving van in a box and my mum probably brought it with her because it was too small for my sister?
Still it shows how emotionally unattached she was to her first children. It was a ball room dress.

0 Comments Viewed 2624 times
Feed Recent Blog Entries
A few products and Improvments I would like to see. by highdimensionman on Fri Feb 27, 2015 11:31 am
An android computer in plug with wifi
A high energy efficient mini web server
Accessable via a reregistering service everytime the IP switches with a Browser extension that accepts the extension .Home...

[ Continued ]

0 Comments Viewed 24 times
I need to change. by Mister Nice on Fri Feb 27, 2015 7:04 am
I need to change because I am not living the life I want to live. Because I am unhappy, even though I know it's only my mind that is making it so.

I even know the things I need to change, and I will...

[ Continued ]

0 Comments Viewed 19 times
Freedom by SunshineAngel on Fri Feb 27, 2015 2:04 am
My support system has officially left my life. I know it's my mistake to lean on one person so strongly because they can simply walk out of my life whenever, but I just didn't think it would happen. I...

[ Continued ]

0 Comments Viewed 22 times
Take 6 Day 5 by Overcome it on Fri Feb 27, 2015 12:52 am
This is the longest I've ever gone without picking in all of my 5 years! I couldn't be more proud of myself right now. I still have an hour till bed but I doubt I'll pick. Day 5 went successful can't wait...

[ Continued ]

0 Comments Viewed 20 times
SomeComapny's Felt by highdimensionman on Thu Feb 26, 2015 2:06 pm
hexogonal sensor array on an OLED screen with analogue sensing of the felt sylus's.
27bit Colour
2 felt stylus's one felt tip like, one felt brush like.


Guesture friendly....

[ Continued ]

0 Comments Viewed 26 times
Feed Recent Comments
Re: After mid-terms by xod_s on Mon Feb 23, 2015 1:25 am
-I have this thought that when I feel vindictive (or when I feel up to *acting* on my vindictiveness) I "think like a machine".

-One can internally debate whether a thought is true or not--but...

[ Continued ]

Re: Take 6 Day 1 by Ada on Sat Feb 21, 2015 9:38 pm
Would gloves or heavy hand cream help a little?

Re: I think I might give up on life. by MacBuddhaBurger on Sat Feb 21, 2015 5:52 pm
Is that the point at the point of no point?

Or just the sharp missing the point by being blunt?

I trust that you see the point, otherwise there is little point in pointing it out.

Re: tired by snaga2.0 on Sat Feb 21, 2015 5:02 pm
Well thanks Ada, back at you. I gotta start sleeping better

Re: tired by Ada on Sat Feb 21, 2015 3:38 pm
Gentle hugs to you, if wanted.

Who is online

Registered users: _Ana_, Ada, airwolffan, Alexa [Bot], Arc Angel, Artninja1995, Baidu [Spider], bamaalice, biancayagger, BiB, Bing [Bot], blue_green_lake, buster1969, CalligraphyJack, Caribee4me, CopperMoon, Copy_Cat, CrackedGirl, DaisyGreen, Exabot [Bot], Free-Form-Demerist, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, gratteciel, helpmeunderstand, HurricaneAsh, INFJmind19, ingill, jody, Journalgirl, justeMoi, Kyttin, Laurabmt, LeOkAsPEr, luxury, Majestic-12 [Bot], Maligan12, memoryinafire, MentalBoy13579, mikeliny, mrlucky, mrsampersand, Myotherlife, njohns321, Nondescript, Oliveira, Otter, pepesilvia, quietlysuffering, rfaberry602, robotfun, Rocky71, rolltide290, SaintJimmy, snookiebookie, suchabrilliantstar, SunshineAngel, Terry E., TROJAN, WichitaLineman, WickWitt, Yahoo [Bot], yaynolongercutting