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The Toll by ExTinaUser on Thu Aug 28, 2014 9:37 pm
You wanna f*ck with Tina?
Well, there's gonna be a toll
You better be ready
To give up your family, your friends, and your soul.
She lures you in with promises of happiness, security, and joy.
Then she steals from you, makes you lie, and uses you like a toy.
Tina will only ever make you feel good once in your life.
After that, all she'll bring you is nothing but pain and strife.
So, if you're ready and willing to lose it all,
Give that B*tch Tina a call.
Just don't forget about the toll:
Your family, your friends, and your soul.

Sorry if I offended anyone with the less than polite language. This poem was written by myself the days I decided to quit using Meth. I have been using meth on and off for the past 11 years. And I've noticed a pattern connected with my relapses...whenever a huge change takes place in my life, whether it be a positive one and or a negative one, Tina seems to be the one helping me cope-like a crutch. But because of her overwhelming presence in the lives of those who know her, she soon develops into a prosthetic limb, versus just a crutch. She becomes a part of you. She starts to rule you. She makes decisions for you. She influences everything little thing you do. You give it all up for her but it sill isn't enough. And throughout it all, she's numbing you to the pain that a normal person would feel in regards to such losses. I've lost my kids, several jobs, several different vehicles, my husband, and my very being. I'm almost 30 and I have yet to discover who I am. I DO know this much, Tina will forever remain a part of my past, and that is where she shall remain forever more. I'm tired of letting some man made, corrosive, life altering substance rule me. I, and only I, will dictate everything I do. I, and only I, have the power to change my life for the better. Our future is set by our actions today. A negative today will not produce a positive tomorrow. A positive tomorrow will only be such with a positive today. So starting today, I will walk through life with nothing but optimism and hope. Going forward, I will use the lessons learned and the love of those around me as a tool to help me push forward whenever I start to feel like it's too hard to do it by myself. Addiction may be a disease, but it's easier to kick than a blocked artery. And today is as good a day as any.

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Day 22: Seeing things differently by 317HSF on Mon Oct 24, 2016 10:02 pm
Over the last couple of days I have begun to see things a little differently.

I have had no urges to gamble recently but I have made an extended effort ot read and learn about addiction and what it does...

[ Continued ]

0 Comments Viewed 15 times
Monday 24 October by Just Jeff on Mon Oct 24, 2016 8:36 pm
7 days sober.
Back to work today and feel v drained after just 1 day of it! Definitely think work is the number 1 cause of me acting out so I need to bear that in mind and try to chill out. Going to my...

[ Continued ]

1 Comment Viewed 17 times
Dead Wood by LittleMie on Mon Oct 24, 2016 12:44 pm
I can say this. The dreams have been odd. Not nightmares just dreams. There were some wounds and peeled the dressing of to see that there had been a lot of healing. Then I was at some conference...

[ Continued ]

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Depression at the end of each cycle by UKGeordieLass on Mon Oct 24, 2016 12:12 pm
Currently I'm on cycle day 27 and depressed AF. I mean, sunken in my chair, weepy, ugly, mess. I'm trapped in a hormonal hell and only time can ######6 save me. I'm sitting here at my desk like a melodramatic...

[ Continued ]

0 Comments Viewed 11 times
Sunday 23 October by Just Jeff on Sun Oct 23, 2016 3:45 pm
RR 100%
6 days sober
Sloppy that I didn't make an entry in this yesterday. I did go to a 12 step meeting yesterday, my 2nd one which is fantastic. Once again, found the experience very positive and inspiring....

[ Continued ]

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Re: Monday 24 October by Snaga on Tue Oct 25, 2016 3:45 am
I know you posted in sexual addiction, post in OCD if you feel the need...

Re: ***TW TW TW*** self harming by Snaga on Tue Oct 25, 2016 3:40 am
You might want to post a version of this on the self injury forum, sweets.

There's a number of us, myself included, that are self-harmers...

Re: Empathic Personality Disorder: Why Does It Not Exists? by Chainsaw on Sun Oct 23, 2016 2:54 pm
Yes, hahah

Re: ENFJ - Narcissum by Snaga on Wed Oct 19, 2016 6:20 pm
You will get little response in the blogs, I'd suggest the NPD forum...

Re: Do I have the right to feel like a victim? by Snaga on Wed Oct 19, 2016 4:56 am
If you're looking for replies, rather than the blog, you might think about posting a condensed version in the Sexual Abuse forum, sweets!

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