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Koala Bear Tendencies by squiggliebuttons on Fri Feb 03, 2012 4:30 pm
This morning I rolled out of bed and went out to the couch and fell back asleep. I didn't wake up until 6am and I was 10 minutes late for work (not that anyone noticed). I've been in a coma since I got here at 7:40am and am finally coming out of it now that it's almost 10am. Yay, only took 2 and a half hours for my Wellbutrin to kick in. Sadly it only makes me coherent, it doesn't seem to be helping me currently and I doubt it will help me after the changes have taken full effect.
I've been on Wellbutrin for almost three years now and it feels to me like my body has built up a tolerance to it. I'm on the maximum dosage 300mg and just absolutely exhausted most of the time. I am awake usually around noon, I go run, and then I come back and fall into a coma. Then I go out to move my car and then it's time to go home. I'm hoping to get out of here a little bit early today. I want to get home as soon as possible because Matt and I are taking our daughter out for pizza tonight.
Seems like I'm hungry all of the time anymore and that sucks. The Saphris gives me serious munchies and by the time I get to the pizza place I'll probably be hungry enough to eat a whole entire pizza. While I am ecstatic to have the voices and hallucinations gone I wonder at what price. At least by running I may be able to stop myself from putting on more weight. My clothes aren't fitting and I'm finding it super frustrating. I'd be happy if at least my clothes fit.
I'm looking forward to being with family tonight. I love it when we have get togethers. This weekend is going to be full of them too. Between Super Bowl and this evening we're going to be pretty busy, not to mention painting the bedrooms tomorrow. We are going to be painting our room again (needs a second coat of paint) and painting our daughter's room pink. I'm praying to god it doesn't end up looking like the Pepto Bismal Pink. Just the appearance of that color makes me want to be sick. Then after it dries we can rip up the carpet and that is the part I am super excited for. There are hardwood floors underneath and I'm excited to see what kind of condition they're in.
Soon I will be able to go for my run and that will help with my day. It burns at least an hour of my time here and then when I get back and have lunch it'll be just 3 hours away from ending my day. It's hard to work in an environment where there is no work. It's actually really frustrating for me and if they didn't pay me as well as they do I wouldn't be here. I look forward to next week and the work it will bring. I look forward to tomorrow and actually doing something productive. I've been fighting with staying here at my job for months and I know I have to, it's just so hard. When I'm bored that leaves me open to obssess over things I normally wouldn't think about.
I can't spend money so I'm left to sit and worry and stress over things that are out of my control. It's part of the reason I hate being in here, they have TVs and force us to watch CNN and FOXNEWS. I don't watch the news on purpose because the sky is always falling and the world is always ending and there isn't a good piece of positive information anywhere in it. I'm tired of corrupt politicians and other bits of news that are not good to someone who has a panic disorder as well as Bipolar Disorder. That is why I write as much as I do. If I'm writing then it appears I'm doing something when in reality I'm not doing anything.
Appearing busy is probably the best thing to do if you want a good annual review. Mine is approaching fast and soon I will be sitting in a room with my two bosses going over my faults and failures and successes. At the end of which I will get my 3 cents per hour raise. I should be happy I even have a job to go to in the first place, but the reality of it is I'm a person who needs to be busy. If I'm not busy doing something I'm getting into trouble and I'm pretty sure one of these days if I don't get busted blogging I'll...
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