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more of the same by goth_spice on Tue Jan 29, 2013 3:52 am
Since I started going to the dr. I've felt a mix of emotions.

I really want to get better, to forget, to forgive and let go and start over...but I can't. I'ts like I'm stuck in this pit of despair, loneliness and rage. Rage.Rage consumes me. Rage because I can't move on. Rage because I can't decide. Because I'm stuck in my own misery and my thoughts are clouded with self pity.

I'm like this because I wanted to. I don't have a ###$ up life. I chose to let words hurt me. I chose to keep those words inside me, to repeat them whenever something goes wrong. I've chosen to be this worthless person. I chose to give up on myself and let my mind remember everything that has been told to me instead of making my own opinions.

I don't want to leave him because he makes me forget.
i don't want to leave him because he makes me feel loved.
I don't want to leave that place because it makes me feel useful.
I'm not. Nothing of that I am.

I just want to disappear. I want to go away and stop struggling with myself.

I'm not polite! I'm not good at anything.
I'm not pretty, I'm not strong, so why am I still here?
what kind of idiotic joke is this?

I'm done with life. I give up.

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Sexuality and Gender: An Introduction by tmc115 on Wed Sep 20, 2017 8:15 pm
I never really HIT puberty, I slide into puberty. I wasn’t interested in boys at all really until my first boyfriend. Sex was supposed to be dirty and dangerous, at least that was the way I was taught. W...

[ Continued ]

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Boring by caughtinafray on Mon Sep 18, 2017 10:59 pm
No day isn't boring. Ever.

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Citolopram by tmc115 on Mon Sep 18, 2017 8:35 pm
It always takes me forever to try a new drug.

I'm afraid of the questions. And I'm convinced they think I'm some crazy addict. Even though that's nuts. I've probably only has had maybe a dozen prescriptions...

[ Continued ]

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Introduction to pre alignment; the space ship landing by OMNICELL on Sat Sep 16, 2017 9:35 pm
I can feel it; the work I've done or the work God is doing; its seeping through me! Im starting to rearrange on the inside! The problem is; Im becoming myself on the inside but the outside world...

[ Continued ]

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FOOD Part 6: Last Part by tmc115 on Fri Sep 15, 2017 8:01 pm
*warning may trigger those with eating disorders*

I think I mentioned in previous blogs that my mom struggled with anorexia as a child. I don’t know if she was ever heavier than her classmates or if t...

[ Continued ]

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Re: 30 days GF by lookforward on Sun Sep 17, 2017 6:05 pm
Thank you :)

Re: my groupings by Johnny-Jack on Fri Sep 15, 2017 9:25 pm
Psychological abuse: Casper
Sexual abuse: Orval
Physical abuse: Bartholomew

Betrayal Trauma: Casper
Escape artists: Yanni
Special system skill: Estes (team awareness)

New categories:
Sleep-related: Orval...

[ Continued ]

Re: Summary of who we are by Johnny-Jack on Fri Sep 15, 2017 9:19 pm
Orval 11, #59. May be younger but arrived young, age 4 or so? Seems connected to a very nasty SA from father, possibly a pedo circle, similar to Andre, but late at night. Like Casper, may be part of what's...

[ Continued ]

Re: Body Dysmorphia if you really ARE ugly?? by Gizzy on Thu Sep 14, 2017 11:34 am
Thanks for the advice Snaga; I thought I WAS on the forum! I didn't realise I was blogging (!?).

Hopefully i'll get the hang of it all sooner rather than later!....thanks again x

Re: Body Dysmorphia if you really ARE ugly?? by Snaga on Thu Sep 14, 2017 12:04 am
Consider posting in body dysmorphia forum... the blogs won't get much interaction, they're mostly for journaling.... welcome to PF.....

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