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OCD by Witheringfears on Fri Feb 22, 2013 5:20 pm
I have been suffering from OCD for most of my life. About 4 years ago it started to get really severe. It started with depersonalization and derealization, from that it progressed significantly. The fear og going insane tends to be the pattern for mh obsessive and intrusive thoughts. But recently, after my session with my phycologist we went deep into my past and we talked about how when I was little there were events when people asked me if i was or had been abused. Being a sensitive kid, I cried often and didnt like when people touched me, so that was why they asked im asking. And my parents being very protective would ask me and tell me i couldnt do things like take showers at other peoples houses. Anyway as i told him that i started to cry and i didnt know why. I just felt so much guilt and shame and pain. So after the appointment i was okay but then the next day i started looking into my past and thought of events that i obsessed over that might make me like a pervert or something.
So from that i had thoughts and ideas and fears of being a pedophile or being attracted to familybers. All this made me feel disgusting and guilty and the idea of killing myself sounds great. Ive never been good with guilt. Anyway ive read up on pocd - but my fear is what if i like it? That is haunting me. Obsessional doubt? Pocd? What about the family members? I hate myself, its making me want to break up with my boyfriend because he deserves someone who isnt a sicko. Its just really distressing and i want it to end. Please help
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